I've been told by Special Dark -- my Jamaican-American friend -- that my posts are too long to read. He said he looks at my blog and if it's more than a screen long, he just closes his browser. Keep in mind that this is the guy who, when I asked him how he ended up buying a new turbo-charged car that gets 20 miles to a gallon when he really wanted something that was fuel efficient, replied, "I fall ass-backwards into shit. That's how I roll." So needless to say, I don't take it personally.
That quote is pure poetry, and if you knew SD, you would have to agree that it sums him up so perfectly and completely that it is impossible to add anything at all to that statement to make it better or more accurate.
Since Friday's post took a lot out of me, I'm gonna coast down easy street this evening. So with that in mind, I present you with:
More Unbelievable Google Searches That Inexplicably Led People To My Blog
monistat soothing cream as a primer - I'm pretty sure this wouldn't work. Also, what the hell were you thinking of using for paint? Preparation H? And I don't want to know anything at all about your choice in brushes.
kotex flooring - It's soft, it's absorbent, and it's a fantastic insulator. What more could you ask for in a flooring material? As an added bonus, it already has adhesive on one side, so application is quick and easy!
how do you tell how fast he was going by skidmark? - A difficult question. It's much easier to tell with tightie-whities since they don't bunch up as much, but as a general rule, for every quarter-inch of width, add 20mph, and for every half-inch of length add 10mph to the posted limit. This equation will give you the approximate speed he was going when he lost control of the car and shat himself.
quizes to see if your dum - Um, yeah. You probably don't really need a quiz. Save yourself some time and just believe what people are telling you.