6/2/06

The Penie Genie

I really have to stop posting the searches that lead people to my blog. According to site meter, I am fast becoming the foremost authority on all things testicle, and that can only end badly for everyone involved. More than half my Google searches every week center on genitalia questions of some form or another, and I cannot believe that people actually click on my blog link based upon half a dozen random words in 3 different paragraphs. It clearly has nothing at all of value to them, yet they click on it anyway.

At any rate, it's time for that most regular of 15 Minute Lunch features:

Fantastic Google Searches that Somehow Led People to My Site

is no hair on your scrotum when you're 15 normal? - That depends upon whether you're talking about years or inches. Either way, nobody is really going to care. In the first case, nobody but you will see it, and in the second case, you'll be in such demand it won't matter.

what causes penis head to crack and bleed? - Ball peen hammers, propane torches, hot irons, sunbathing naked, boiling water, liquid nitrogen...the list really is almost endless. They're not indestructible. Maybe you should get a little helmet for it if you're having a problem with this. Or just don't take it out so much.

taken for a ride in the woods and castrated - This gripping, tell-all novel recounts the terrifying, true story of one dog's personal journey into a private hell. The book's protagonist, Fido, takes you on a horrifying emotional rollercoaster from start to finish, and the action just never stops.* You will be crossing your legs in terror, as you realize that no one and nothing is safe -- not you.....and not your penis.

Everyday italian with Giardia - Call me crazy, but I'm thinking a cooking show hosted by an intestinal parasite probably wouldn't do well. Nothing says "Yummo" like abdominal pains, diarrhea, nausea, dehydration and flatulence.

How to fuck a pregnant woman - Wait until she is in the shower, and then move to Arizona, change your name to Steve Smith and open a record store that sells nothing but vinyl copies of Yanni's Greatest Hits.

drop the soap you must - OK. Now I'm pretty sure Yoda is gay.

bad smell from testicle - I do not even want to visualize the apparent contortions you must have subjected your spine to in order to definitively determine that it was, in fact, a single testicle that was to blame for said odor.

Dammit. Too late.



* Well, until the end, when all the action pretty much stops, which is kind of the point of the whole trip to the woods if you really think about it.

10 comments:

  1. You might as well give up now and rename your blog "15 minute testicular informational page."

    You are now the expert in all things scrotal.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another great installment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm guessing too much chlorine in an over-used hot tub for #2.

    ...and Yummo is Rachel Ray. Not Giada, the giant-toothed Italian tramp, er, chef. Who, sadly is on RIGHT NOW as I'm posting this comment. Not on my TV of course. But when I checked how to spell her name.... oh, never mind.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey hey hey let's calm down with all the hatin on those fine FoodTV folks. Their seduction lies in their culinary ways.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sadly, Carly, I admit to knowing that. I made a funny. Guess it wasn't much of one....

    ReplyDelete
  6. How to fuck a pregnant chick...BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh how I bow to you and your tesiticular greatness.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've always said this website has a lot of balls...

    ReplyDelete
  8. and apparently one of them stinks.

    ReplyDelete
  9. but do you have Schweddy balls ?

    someone had to ask

    ReplyDelete
  10. See this is why I added this blog to my very short list of pages I enjoy.

    I love some of the searches I get, but the most common of all is "hairybears" based on a comment some dude made a long time ago.

    People from all over the world are constantly yahooing "hairybears" to find a single, gay porn page. If that helps you understand the name.

    So very strange!

    ReplyDelete