Pit stops on the road to paintball

So I was out at the old corporate headquarters on Thursday for an half-day of meeting half-day of fun kinda thing. Right before the half-day of fun was supposed to start, I got paged to fix a problem. Me and this other guy, who I will call PP for short, got to stay at the office while the rest of the crew went off to play paintball and drink beer - not necessarily in that order. We were on the phone with vendors, emergency response, the client, you name it.

After about two and a half hours, we determined that we needed to talk to one of the guys on our team who was probably, at that exact moment, lying on his stomach behind a burned out jeep, pinned down by enemy paintball fire. So PP and I start walking down the hall to the parking lot to drive over there and find said pinned-down expert. PP is still talking on his cell phone, dialed into this emergency phone conference.

As we pass the men's room, I motion to him that I have to make a quick pit-stop before we drive. I turn left, push open the door, and walk toward the urinal.

As I'm taking my piss, I realize something odd.

I can still hear PP talking on his cellphone. That's because he is standing right next to me, pissing away.

Still dialed in.

There is no mute.

There is only pee.

And flushing. Lots of flushing.

I quickly wash up, break for the door and stand in the hallway outside the men's room, waiting for PP to finish up.

I learned something else. Apparently, "finishing up" doesn't necessarily need to happen on any particular side of the men's room door, because PP comes out of the men's room and he's still zipping up when he hits the hallway. It was awesome.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt on the hand washing thing even though I didn't witness it, but jesus. On one hand, I admire him for not giving a shit what people think, but on the other hand, I'm just glad no bigwigs were walking by at that exact moment.

So to all the people on the phone -- sorry. I didn't know he would follow me, and subject you to this. Also, if you're keeping track, I'm pretty sure his pee noises were louder than mine, since it sounded like he was aiming right for the water instead of banking it off the back.

I will, however, cop to that last double-tap flush you may have heard. That was all me.


  1. That's nasty. I could never look at someone the same way after experiencing that.

  2. Well, yeah. A matey, that's different. Almost expected if there is beer and general drunkeness involved on either end of the phone. So, yeah, we'll call it dedication.

  3. Yeah, but was he more dedicated to the teleconference or the leak-taking adventure? You can never be sure.
    No matter what, he could at least practice at the coveted "quiet piss" ... some people I know have that down to a science.

  4. Why do you just arbitrarily call him SD? For the record it wasn't me. Ass. SD is always code for SHOP DUNGAREES. Don't soil my good name on your blog with your peepal stories. You should start your own onsite payment company and call it peepal.com

  5. I didn't even think of that. For the record, SD stands for "Special Dark"

  6. If the people on the other line couldn't figure out the problem, than f them and I let them hear me piss. I believe the phrase 'piss off' came from that.

  7. This made me giggle out loud....