5/17/06

Google me wrinkly.

Without further ado, and also without something better to post, I present:

Fantastic Google Searches That Somehow Led People To My Site.

Im looking for a cake that look like male private body part - Come on. Just type it. We all know which body part you're talking about. So think about this, Mr. or Ms. Bashful: If you are successful in your search, you will, at some point in the very near future, actually be eating penis cake -- so you might as well get used to the word rolling around on your tongue.

what foot doctor can remove toe knuckles? - I am almost positive that the vast majority of them have the medical training and ability, however, you may have difficulty finding one willing to actually do it. Well, unless your toe knuckles are really effed up. I think if you are serious about wanting your toe knuckles removed, you will either have to do it yourself with a pair of bolt cutters and a bottle of cheap whiskey, or find a crackhead vet who does a lot of cat declawing. Maybe he can throw you a neuter while he's at it.

shoes or no shoes witch is faster - Through rigorous scientific testing, and the cooperation of the Mayor, I have determined without a shadow of a doubt that a good witch is faster with shoes. A bad witch is faster without them. I hope that helps.

husband castrators - I am not sure about this one. Either this woman is looking for an actual product or tool to accomplish said castration, or some sort of castration service she can call to get the deed done. Either way - Run, Logan, Run!

what does it mean when you put cereal box in the fridge by accident - I think it means that you really should track down the milk asap.

enzyte red and swollen arms - I have never actually tried it, but I am pretty sure it's not your arms that are supposed to be red and swollen.

I want to retract my testes - I've occasionally wanted to do this same exact thing. Well, except it was with an e-mail, which I guess is probably not really quite the same thing after all. As handy as this magical alternative could be, I've never queried Google for the proper technique, so you're on your own.

remove odor of dead grasshopper - I knew it would happen. Master Po finally had enough of Kwai Chang Caine trying to grab that little pebble out of his hand.

Problem with wrinkled scrotum - After all this time, I had no idea. I thought they were supposed to be that way. Great. Just what I need. Another thing to iron in the morning. Although as my friend pointed out, it would probably be much easier if I could retract my testes.

And on a completely different topic: What piece of shit, lame-ass ad agency came up with the tagline "It's the only Soquid you eat with a Fpoon?" If I ever meet one of the douchbags responsible for this abomination of marketing, I will personally pump an entire tank of Wendy's Frosty up his ass with a high-pressure firehose.


5 comments:

  1. You're so all knowing. I like the find the milk asap best.

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  2. I like the husband thingy best. There could be a real market for this.

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  3. I'm not sure but I think that if you would stop trying to retract them they wouldn't be so wrinkly.


    (tell me where to preorder the husband deal)

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  4. It's good that you care enough to Iron.

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    Replies
    1. Wow, a comment from the way back machine! Awesome. Thanks for stopping by.

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