Search and ye shall find...my blog, maybe?

Yeah, I'm feeling lazy today and I'm trying to figure out what my New Year's resolutions are going to be. I'm going to take my time and not make any rash decisions, because then I'll just be setting myself up for certain failure. Like last year, for instance. My resolution to become Evangeline Lilly's love slave went absolutely nowhere.

So without further ado, I present this week's edition of:

Fantastic Google Searches That Somehow Pointed People To My Site

How to know when earwax is loosening - There's a couple of ways: When the inside of your head sounds like a baby's rattle when you look up and down, your ear wax is probably pretty loose. If, on the other hand, you jam a pencil in there really hard, and dig around a bit, and the pencil comes out clean, it's probably not loose.

can a dove riding a bulldozer move forward? - What is the sound of one hand clapping? Yes, grasshopper, a dove riding a bulldozer can move forward, if both the dove and the bulldozer wish it to be so, and their Chi are acting in harmony.

camel knuckle - God, I wish people would get this right. TOE. Not foot, not knuckle, but toe. And speaking of toes, I get about 10 hits a month for "one toe over the line, sweet jesus." Sweet jesus is right. Why don't people know it's TOKE? T.O.K.E. It's a song from 1970 by Brewer & Shipley.

scientific name for camel toe - Wow. The list of things I don't know gets longer every day. For instance, I didn't know there was a scientific name for it. If by some outside chance there isn't, might I suggest Labia-Majora Thongspliticus?

should you clamp the second tube not being used in a dual chest tube system? - I would. Otherwise you risk getting chest juice all over the place. I'm not an expert by any means, but it just makes sense to me.

timmy lee likes to crap his pants rather than wash socks - You know, I can almost sympathize with little timmy lee. I, too, hate to wash socks. In fact, the only thing worse than washing socks is trying to match them when they come out of the dryer. I can't count the number of times I've worn non-matching socks to work. Still, all that being said, I'd rather wash my socks than my pants, so I'm gonna have to pass on timmy's solution. While ambitious and original, it really does nothing to address the dirty sock problem.

japanese beetles paul harvey - I found this to be an intriguing combination. I absolutely cannot stand Paul Harvey's voice, precisely because it already sounds as if his vocal cords have been partially devoured by japanese beetles. I know that if I had a colony of highly-trained japanese beetles that would do my evil bidding without question, stripping the wrinkled flesh off Paul Harvey's brittle, annoying bones would be like the 5th or 6th thing on my list of things for them to do.

what do usher dick look like? - Apparently you should not Ask Jeeves this question, because that bald-headed, picture-taking pervert of a butler thinks that my blog is the first place you should go look for the answer to this question. Well, I'm here to say that I have no idea what do usher dick look like. I don't. Really. I'll go out on a limb here and venture a guess that it's probably black*, but that's all I can say about it with any reasonable degree of certainty.

Thus ends another week's worth of searches, brought to you by the fine folks at Site Meter.

And don't worry, I'll get back to you with those resolutions.

*or solid gold