You want fangers with that?

I had the dubious pleasure of eating at the Burger King in the airport today, because there was really nothing else there that didn't require actually sitting down to eat, and all I really wanted was something small to the take the edge off until I got home.

Since the bagel place had a really long line, I figured I'd just get a salad from the King. You know, something light -- definitely nothing that would require a visit to the miniature suckhole at 30,000 feet. I've been in the airplane bathroom before when that little "fasten your seatbelt" icon starts blinking and the plane starts bouncing you around, and it ain't no fun. All sort of thoughts go through your head - not the least of which is the distinct possibility that you might get hit in the ass by something that just left your ass. Not to mention that "tidy bowl blue" is not a great color for genitals of any type.

I confess that I didn't look at the menu too closely, since I eat at the Burger King about once a year. I just saw a couple pictures that involved lettuce, and thought "yeah, that's what I want."

Who knew they had 37 different varieties of salad? Flame-broiled this and that, chicken, shrimp, garden, Caesar with chicken -- you name it.

So I walk up to the counter and the girl says, "Take your order, please?"

"Yes. I'd like a salad," I reply.

She says, "Garden or Seizure?"

"Um, did you just say SEIZURE?"

She says, "Yeah. We have two kinds of salads. You can get a seizure, or a garden. And you can get fangers with either one."


"Yeah. You know. Chicken Fangers."

"Yes, I would like the seizure with chicken fangers please. And a bottled water."

"That'll be $6.75. You have a nice day."

The day wasn't so great, but once I regained consciousness and picked myself up off the floor, I gotta tell ya, the fangers were excellent.


  1. Anonymous7:46 AM


    Did you draw that?

  2. you don't recognize my 3rd grader drawing style yet? Jeez.

  3. That's a scream! Love the drawing. Down here, when they ask you if you want any side orders, they say "Fryzzat?" Which I'm assuming means "would you like an order of fries with that?"

  4. LOL! I guess you should just be grateful she didn't say..."I axed you a question."

  5. You draw better than I do.

    Maddox has us all beat with his MSPaint pro skills, though.

  6. you could probably do great airbrush work on the side of an old VW van

  7. Anonymous12:43 PM

    Hilarious, Johnny. The drawing really drives it home. I was laughing so hard at work that it probably confirmed all rumors that I am strange.

  8. Fitchmeister, we aims to please.

  9. Anonymous11:27 PM

    Well, you have good aim then.

  10. Anonymous3:20 PM

    JV, your drawings add the perfect touch to your posts. My favorite is of Houdini in the bass drum.

    Catching up slowly but surely. One of these days, I am going to get in trouble for my "2 hour lunches."

  11. Damn, this is hilarious but I'm also still getting over the fact that you only paid $6.75 for a salad AND "fangers." Nowadays that would be at least three bucks more. I'm also wondering if the cashier was really that buxom of if you were suffering from seizure-induced fantasies...