Hello? 911?

For your enjoyment, I present a typical phone conversation with my buddy Yort.

Me (answering phone): "Johnny Virgil."
Yort: "Yeah, is this 911?"
Me: "No. No, it's not."
Yort: "411?"
Me: "No."
Yort: "711?"
Me: "OK, yes. This is actually 711."
Yort: "So...you're like half-way between Information and Emergency Services?"
Me: "Right. I can only give you information about where to get help."
Yort: "Or help me find information."
Me: "Exactly."
Yort: "So...where do I get help?"
Me: "Yeah, I gotta go."


It's like that all the time. And we're both sober for god's sake.


  1. Anonymous10:37 PM

    Hmm. I've never asked where I can get help when I was at a 7-11. I'll have to look into this.

  2. I wish my phone conversations were half as interesting. Here's a sample:

    "Hey, it's Sara. Leave a message and I'll call you back. Beeeeeeep."


  3. See, you could have some fun with that if you tried.

  4. I did try, for a few months. But me leaving messages and not getting return calls is no fun. (I started leaving sane messages, that got progressively wackier and wackier...)

  5. Anonymous3:07 PM

    Yort is a pretty unusual name. Is it a nom-de-plume, nom-de-blog or what?

  6. blog de plume, actually.

  7. I have friends with whom I have conversations along those lines. It's pretty funny.