8/15/06

Mr. Clean is a Giant Man-Whore.

I was watching TV last night, and I realized something. Mr. Clean only "comes round" when the missus is home alone. There's never a husband or boyfriend in sight.

Mr. Clean is a clearly a major playa and special man-ho for de ladies.

Seriously, just think of all the moist towelette this guy must get -- he has the ability to pop into any house he wants at any time, and apparently he can also read minds, because he appears just when the women are thinking, "I wish I had a strapping, virile bald man to polish my pot."

I first noticed this phenomenon when I saw some fleeting but seriously flirtatious eye contact between the lady of the house and the Mister. You could also tell that he'd been there lots of times before because she wasn't even surprised when he materialized. I re-wound my PVR, and caught this still frame:




If there isn't smoldering passion there, there's at least some mutual interest in a quickie over the counter.

After that, I started freeze framing through Clean's other visits. It seems that one of the main talents it requires to be a giant man-ho is an ability to service several different women per hour. I have to say, that impresses the hell out of me. Not even when I was in college did I have that sort of stamina, and there was certainly no satisfaction involved on anyone's part.

To be fair, part of his success has to be due to the fact that he doesn't have to actually drive anywhere. Also, because he's Mr. Clean, I am pretty sure he's inherently dirt-free and never has to do any laundry or take a shower.

This one starts out innocently enough.



He is showing her what a great job he can do on her stained and filthy table, upon which, in her spare time, she apparently rebuilds lawnmower engines. But she turns away for a second, and then he makes his move:



Yep. It's out, and you didn't even see it happen. He's that good. She is shocked, but obviously also appreciative.

And this one is just blatant. I am almost positive they are actually doing it as she cleans.



Here's to you, Mr. Clean. You are truly a hero among men.*

*except among those men who happen to be married to the above women.

23 comments:

  1. I never even noticed that before. Amazing eye you have for detail. Wow! just... wow.

    Glad none of those women are my wife.

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  2. [APPLAUSE!!!]

    "just think of all the moist towelette this guy must get"

    HAHAHA!!! Awesome metaphor!

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  3. Nice to see that Mr. Clean is an equal opportunity man whore.

    Great job.

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  4. I admit it. Mr. Clean rocks my world. I can't get enough of his Magic Eraser.

    I ... I'm so ashamed.

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  5. You know all this time, I figured he was gay!

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  6. I'm not going to condone Mr. Clean's actions, but I will say he was there for me on many a lonely night. Too bad no woman can tame him.

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  7. now that you mention it I like Cleanliness and I do find tall bald men in white undershirts attractive. Now I gotta go lock my doors, creepy!

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  8. Look at our British equivalent
    http://www.mrmuscleonline.co.uk/

    Do you think this says something about our respective national self images?

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  9. That Mr. Muscle guy looks like Austin Powers before he became an International Man of Mystery. And dude, thanks for blowing our secret. Housecleaning will never be the same again.

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  10. It was the Tidy Bowl Man that caused me concern.

    Down there in his tiny boat, peering up at my girly bits.

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  11. Oh Mr. Muscle, I have a plughole emergency all right.

    Cheeky monkey!

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  12. JAde bunny I want to look at your girly bits. I that kind the most.

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  13. wait - wasn't the tidybowl man in the tank and not the bowl?

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  14. Mr. Clean will clean you clock when he finds out you're busting him

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  15. Mr. Muscle is incredible. More, I cannot, and will not, say.

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  16. yeah, I'm waiting for the cease and desist order from whoever makes Mr. Clean...but so far so good.

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  17. Hey - I met Mr. Clean and I have a picture to prove it. He was a total gentleman. He only asked me to flex my bicep muscle. :)

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  18. MaryBeth, you totally blew it. That's a code he has worked out with the women he visits.

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  19. He is a wicked whore. I want him to come clean my kitchen!

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  20. I was just reading this for some Saturday morning entertainment. It reminded me that I need to buy some Mr. Clean Magic Sponges. Thanks for the reminder. I keep forgetting. Your writing even has practical applications.

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