No, this isn't the new post. Well, it's new, but not part II

Just wanted to mention that today is John Cleese's birthday. He's 70 years old, which is what - seven in dog years? I don't know, my dog math may be off. Either way, it makes me feel old because I grew up on Monty Python's Flying Circus, Fawlty Towers and the MP Movies.

I am 100% certain that quotes from "The Life of Brian" and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" are taking up valuable brain space that used to contain Linear Algebra, Calculus 1-3 and French.

I say this because I can remember none of those things even though I spent five years and an enormous amount of my parent's money to learn them -- yet on the other hand, I can quote from the Monty Python movies and the Flying Circus skits for hours on end.

Coincidence? I think not.

Oh well. (Dad, I'm sorry. Next time you come over we'll sit down and watch the Holy Grail together. You're a really religious guy -- it should be right up your alley.)

Anyway, if you are as big a fan as I am, check this out -- the BBC is releasing a remastered box set of the Fawlty Towers series. Even though it was only on for a short time, it has to be one of the funniest sitcoms ever made. They are also having a facebook look-a-like contest where you can submit photos of yourself as one of the characters and win some sweet prizes. It doesn't look like there are any submissions yet, so your odds are probably pretty good even if you just put on a fake mustache and stand around looking British while someone takes a picture.

"When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England. "

Yeah. That was from memory.

Dammit. My wife just put a bucket on her head. Now I've got to get into the fish tank and sing. And nobody even said "Mattress." WTF.


I'm off pizza for a while.

Has anyone else seen this very disturbing commercial for Tabasco sauce? If there are two things I hate, it's creepy pepperoni slices that look infected, and barbershop quartets. You know what's worse than either one of those things?

Creepy pepperoni slices that look infected singing barbershop music, that's what.

This commercial not only made me swear off pepperoni indefinitely, it also made me re-swear my original swear-off of all barbershop quartets, which, as it turns out, was a very good decision back when I made it the first time. I mean, really -- has barbershop music ever sold anything?

Doubtful. Ear plugs, maybe. Or straight razors.

The other thing that immediately jumped into my mind when I saw this commercial was that these four guys auditioned for this. Somewhere, some time, an ad agency or a video production company held open auditions and these guys were the best lip-synching pizza boils out there. There were probably 30 other guys who couldn't get this part. That just makes me sad. It also makes me glad I have my job.

Even at first glance you can tell they are clearly insane pizza boils, what with their bulging eyes and gigantic, soul-devouring grins -- and I am 99% sure that one down on the tip of the slice is actually doing something dirty underneath his cheese:

I can picture the director during the shoot:

"Number four! Look more savory! Number two, for the love of god, you're lip syncing like Ashley Simpson! Three! Good job, good job. Sell it! BELIEVE that you're singing pepperoni brought to the surface of the pizza by the Tabasco sauce. Own the role! Own it! Great job! Number one! Give us your O-face! YES! That's it! That's it!"

Here's the video, if you haven't seen it.

Sleep well. And just a word of advice -- stick to the mushrooms. Tabasco has no adverse effect on them as far as I can tell.