9/8/06

Summer searchin,' had me a blast

The googlers have been letting me down lately, and I've been getting a ton of the same scrotum-related searches. I did get a few amusing ones this month, and now I share them with you.

On behalf of 15 Minute Lunch and its subsidiaries, I am pleased to present:

Fantastic Google Searches That Somehow Led People To My Site

what are some ways I can lose fat from my thighs but still keep my big butt - First, I am not sure why you would want to keep your big butt, but that being said, what you want is not going to happen without liposuction. In fact, even that will be temporary. Think of it this way - Big thighs are like a life support system for a big butt. Unfortunately for you, spot reduction is a myth. If you exercise and eat right, that will make you lose fat from your thighs. This will also remove fat from your big butt. I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you this.

How does a male person felt when he had to wear a pair of female panties and a female dress on him when he except a new career in a female clothing department store and when he arrived for his first day they would surprised - Wow. Just...wow. And why did you click on my blog?

mountain dew causes testicle problems - This is true, actually. Drinking Mountain Dew can cause you to do things like slide down a steel railing on a skateboard, or surf 30 foot waves or even jump out of a plane while strapped to a snowboard. Any of these activities have a higher than normal possibility of testicular injury. My advice is this: Do not slam the Dew. Drink the Dew gingerly, and with caution. Your testicles will thank you.

can a stun gun take out a car's electrical system? - This would be tricky, because generally stun guns and car electrical systems run in completely different circles. I mean, you've all seen the movies about this type of thing and sometimes it's tough to make it work. Remember: Nobody puts stungun in a corner.

when would i expect to get results from Enzyte? - Um, let me break this to you gently. Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaha!

ask jeeves what causes numbness in toes and feet - Here's a little tip for you: Don't EVER tell Google to ask Jeeves. It's insulting. It's like telling Stephen Hawking to ask Brent Spiner a science question.

scrotum bleaching - I was afraid to google this. I'm assuming it's something only white porn stars do, but I could be wrong. For all I know, my co-worker Special Dark has a gleaming white, highly reflective scrotum. I've seen my wife do blonde highlights before, and it involves wearing a rubber cap and pulling just the hair you want bleached through tiny holes in the cap. I have to say that if this scrotum bleaching procedure involves putting on a pair of rubber pants and then pulling the testicles through a little hole then I'm not interested.

how to suck a penis and survive a gorilla attack - This search confused me. I couldn't figure out if it was two separate searches, or if they were related somehow. Based on the number of twisted people out there surfing the net, I am going to assume that they are related. Given that, here is my advice to you. Stop trying to suck gorilla penis and you'll solve most, if not all of your problems.

what can my poop tell me? - I'm really not sure, but when you find out let us know. Especially if your poop knows how to become independently wealthy with little or no work.

labia sew cut screamed gagged clamp scalpel - Get away from my blog and get help now. You disgust me.

Barbara Streisand sex tape - Get away from my blog and get help now. You disgust me.

rosie o'donnell camel toe - In addition to the same advice I gave the previous two searchers, give up your search because as a general rule, it is difficult to have both camel toe - and a penis.

how did bambi's mother die? - Actually, she died peacefully in her sleep - of old age. Go rent the movie, you'll love it.

how to make my butt bigger and rounder instantly - this would probably work.

6 comments:

  1. Actually its not impossible to have a camel toe and a penis.. http://www.july-2nd.com/elvis/12.jpg

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  2. Ha. I KNEW that picture would be the first one up. That's why I said "difficult" instead of "impossible."

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  3. Those searches are much better than mine ever are :(

    Here is some advice for women, from an expert at the female ass. Your ass size and quality is based not on fat but muscle and bone structure. You are born with it, and can grow it only small amounts via diet and working out.

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  4. My poop told me that you definitely have a copy of the Barbra Streisand sex tape, JV. Dirty boy.

    ReplyDelete