Two years of my life. Down the drain.

So my blog turns 2 years old tomorrow, and I wasn't really sure what to do about that. I could write a bunch of stuff about how it's been a lot of fun, and thank all you guys for stopping by to read my crap and while that's all certainly true, it still seemed a little cookie-cutter.

Instead, I opted to take a page from this post by Sarah, over at Okay Seriously, who actually has a little party for her blog every year. I thought that was nice, even if the idea was tarnished somewhat by the fact that her blog is a complete whore and will get it on with portable computer games and other miscellaneous desk accessories.

Instead of just staying in, I decided to take my blog out for an early birthday celebration. So last night, we hit the bar circuit pretty hard. We grabbed a quick bite to eat and then started hopping from club to club. I was the designated driver, and by around 10 pm my blog was pretty blasted. He was drinking Tequila and (don't tell him I told you this) he can't really hold his liquor.

He wouldn't shut up about this one club he likes, so finally I drove him over there. It didn't look too bad from the outside, and the inside was even nicer. I really didn't expect that of him, so I was pleasantly surprised. We grabbed a couple of open seats and waited for our server. Here's a shot of where we were sitting:

I knew something was up when the waitress came over and told me there was a two drink minimum. I explained to her that I was the DD, but she said we'd have to leave unless I ordered at least 4 drinks. I said "Fine." and told her that my blog was already shit-faced and would have no problem at all downing four more himself. She seemed satisfied with that and left to get our drink order.

I looked around the place, and noticed something strange. There was a serious sausage fest in progress. I realized exactly why that was when the stage lights lit up the other end of the room and I saw the stripper poles.

Goddammit, he did it to me again. Still, it seemed like a fairly nice place, as these places go, and I have to admit they had some high-class dancers. So we stayed.

Well, long story short -- by the time the drinks were gone and he was out of singles, he started asking me what I got him for his birthday. Truthfully, I figured that by picking up the tab for dinner and a bunch of drinks that would be enough, but you know those kind of friends -- no matter how often you're there for them, you're only as good as your last post.

So under the circumstances, I did the only thing left to do.

I bought him a lap dance. This place seemed to have two sets of girls -- there were the ones that do the stage dancing, and then there were the ones that do the lap dancing. As I'm sure you can imagine, the second string girls aren't of quite the same caliber.

You're not really allowed to take pictures of the lap dances in progress, but I snuck this one while the bouncers weren't looking. The most amazing part of this entire story? You will never believe who works there:

The best part? TEN BUCKS. That's it.

Afterward he said that Sarah's blog smelled a little like hand-held Tetris, but that all in all, he thought it was a pretty fine birthday celebration.

He was seriously hung over this morning, and spent a really long time in the shower, but I think he'll probably be fully recovered by tomorrow.


  1. You two (or should I say 3 to include your blog?) are insane. It's textbook insanity. Happy Hungover Birthday!

  2. Anonymous10:36 PM

    That sarah's blog would be a hor and a pole dancer does not shock me. Terribly. That yours would be a male pig though...


    Happy birthday...

  3. I know nessa. I'm not sure why I'm even friends with him.

  4. Anonymous10:41 AM

    this is not surprising. sarah's blog is pimped out by her so i'm sure she was there behind the scenes being all dastardly (for really cheap).

  5. Anonymous11:24 AM

    Johnny, you are one truly demented individual. I am in awe.

  6. So in this post, I garnered "insane" and "demented."

    If you didn't mean those things as compliments, then you can just get out of my offive. Otherwise, you can stay.

    Ah hell. Stay either way.

  7. Anonymous7:58 AM

    You're a sick phuck.

  8. Johnny, pure genius!! My very best wishes to you and the marvelous (albeit hungover)blog.

  9. OK,"sick phuck" and "genius" cancel each other out nicely...

  10. Anonymous6:20 PM

    Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one cavorting about with blog related activities. My blog is a bit of a nancy boy, and prefers to stay in. A "blogaversary" he calls it. But I'm sure if he hangs around with yours enough I'll find myself in one dive after another.

    ...come to think of it that doesn't sound so bad.

    Congrats on two years.

    - Scott

  11. Anonymous6:36 AM

    Sick phuck was a compliment.

  12. Anonymous4:51 PM

    What kind of a sicko takes a 2-year-old to a strip club? (Even if he did ask?) Sometimes, Johnny, you gotta be the adult.

  13. yeah, I'm bad at that. Ask anybody.

  14. Anonymous6:39 PM

    That's some of the funniest shit I've read in awhile.

  15. Anonymous8:48 PM

    i'm going to work "phuck" into every sentence from now on.

  16. Ha. I can't wait for this....

  17. Anonymous8:10 AM

    Danielle- You should. It's phun!

  18. Anonymous10:41 AM

    You are on a roll, great work. Topless lapdance for your laptop cool.

  19. Anonymous11:07 PM

    Oh. My. God. You are a phuckin' GENIOUS.

  20. Anonymous9:52 AM

    OMG this is so embarassing. I told my blog months ago that if I ever caught her working at that place again, I would send her away to boarding school, but then I got really sick and couldn't watch her. I think I need to have her tested for a ETV - Electronically Transmitted Virus. She is out of control, and the worst part is she was working that place for like 4 hours, and made $40.

  21. Are you insinuating that your blog may have given my blog something? Or the other way around?