So I was watching 24 last night and trying not to have a heart attack and/or shit myself, when I saw another commercial on TV for the memory foam mattress. I have a problem with that commercial, and I'm going to tell you what it is.
Comfortable? I'm sure it is. That's probably not a lie. But the omissions are what get to me. I always want to ask the announcer some pointed questions.
"Mr. Announcer, after you're laying on this thing for 30 minutes, does it or does it not act like a giant foam insulator, causing you to sweat like John Goodman does when he eats?"
"Mr. Announcer, you state that Mrs. Jones can get out of bed without disturbing Mr. Jones. Do these people not use covers? I don't know about you, but it generally isn't the bed bouncing that wakes me up when my wife gets up to pee 6 times a night. It's all the damn freezing cold air coming in under the covers, or -- on most nights - the actual sensation of the covers completely leaving my body. Can your insanely expensive foam bed fix that?"
I think not.
The only thing so far that has increased my comfort level while sleeping is to sleep on the couch.
Then there's always the one for Enzyte. I have a problem with that one too -- not because they didn't ship my free trial quickly enough, but because of all the unsubstantiated claims they make. Also, there is something deeply, seriously wrong with that Bob guy and it's probably caused by those little pills he's been popping. Anything that makes you walk around with a rictus-like, Joker-Gas grin on your face can't be good for you.
So my questions would be:
"Mr. Announcer, How is it that this stuff hasn't been taken off the market, and the company sued for false advertising claims? And what the eff is up with Bob?"
My theory is that the men who bought this shit are either a) embarrassed to admit that it didn't work, or b) embarrassed that they bought it to begin with. They don't want to call up the Better Business Bureau and complain to the nice lady that they didn't get a "firmer and fuller-feeling erection." But that's just a guess.
I would have to say that if my choices were between walking around looking like this,
or living with my average, white-boy package size, I'd stick with my un-enhanced parts thank-you-very-much. Plus, the last thing I need is Batman on my ass.
Besides if you look at the ingredients list for this stuff, there's nothing in it that you can't buy for a lot less at the drug-store. Also, I think I've figured out the active ingredient:
So my suggestion is to just make a beeline for the active ingredient, and stock up here.