It's over between us.

Courage. Commitment. Trust. All good things in a relationship, although sometimes tough to come by. Such was the case yesterday. I would like to briefly address these topics with the anonymous woman driving in front of me on the way home last night, since she seems to be in need of a little refresher.

Courage -- It was very commendable of you to decide that when the light turned yellow, you were going for it. This type of courage is not normally seen in women drivers. It warmed my heart to see you grab the bull by the horns, and I thoroughly enjoyed watching your car accelerate quickly away from mine. I smiled, because I could see that you were going to have plenty of time. So much time, in fact, that I quickly calculated that I would also have time to make the light, given your current rate of acceleration.

You were thinking of both of us, and I sincerely appreciate that. I suppose that could be mere wishful thinking on my part, and I realize now that it was probably more of an "every man for himself" kind of thing, but still. There had to be something there, or you could have tried to time it so that only you got through, but you didn't stoop to that level. Because of that, I honestly thought you cared.

Commitment -- Sadly my love, this is where we part ways. While I was committed to our relationship, apparently you were not. When you glanced to your left a moment after you gunned your engine and saw the cop sitting at the red light, your bravery and commitment evaporated instantly, and you slammed on your brakes. I would be the first one to forgive you for your sudden lack of courage and commitment, were I privy to your impending change of heart.

I tell you this to save you some heartache in future relationships: Going forward, it is imperative for you to understand that it is not permissible to change your mind mid-stomp and decide that you want to stop for the yellow after all. This is a Very Bad Thing, and causes the other person in the relationship to scream and yell and tightly pucker their nether-orifice as they swerve from side to side trying desperately to not plow your field. I only mention this so you know next time: A police officer will generally not give you a ticket for running a yellow light.

Trust -- I am normally a good judge of driving ability, and up until that moment, you seemed like you were the Master of your Vehicle. You were consistently 7-10 mph over the speed limit, you lined the curves, you didn't ride your brakes. You were decisive and confident. You handled that little foreign job like the true professional I believed you to be. You were everything I wanted.

I admit this to you, now that it's over.

I was falling in love with you.

That all changed in an instant, as it so often does. You betrayed my trust in you. You looked like you had it all together, but unfortunately for both of us, I was gravely mistaken. The sight of a single police car caused you to abandon your feelings for me, and go running to him.

I lost all respect for you. I don't think I'll be able to look at you the same way any longer.

In fact, I.....I don't think I can drive behind you anymore.

I'm sorry it had to end like this.


  1. Anonymous8:42 AM

    Yes, those Harlequin moments have a way of slapping you silly. I thought for sure the two of you would make it. I bet the cop looked like Fabio, too.

  2. I really hate to hear when such a wonderful budding relationship such as yours comes to an end. I do hope all will be well with you.

  3. Just one of those heartbreaks we all go through. Have a nice cup of tea, you'll feel better.

  4. File under auto-eroticism.

  5. Anonymous7:46 PM

    Sooo, accident? No accident?