OK, maybe this is old news, but I haven't been watching much TV lately. I sat down to lunch and flipped on MythBusters and watched them try to light boats on fire with mirrors. While I was eating my sandwich, I glanced up and saw this on my TV:

"Did I just see pubes on soap?" I asked myself, mostly because there was nobody else in the room to ask.

I grabbed the remote and hit rewind.

The answer is: Yes. Yes, I did just see pubes on soap.*

I found this hilarious, and disgusting, and there's a lot wrong with that picture up there.

It's an advertisement for Old Spice Body Wash, and they make their point, as far as that goes. What they're not showing you, however, is the corollary to the soap, i.e., the pube-covered loofah, which is how you're usually supposed to apply body wash.

I'm betting it's way tougher to get pubes out of one of those things than it is to wash them off the soap. I'm pretty sure that over time, the pubes will just become part of the loofah, eventually just taking it over until you're basically scrubbing yourself with a 4" ball of curly pubic hair. I'll let you know, since my wife just came home with Irish Spring body wash and I just started using it.

All that aside, if you're living with someone who doesn't wash their own pubes off the soap, then you need to have a discussion. Especially if you're not dating or married to that person. They should dig them off with their fingernails if they have to, because I would rather you have pubes jammed under your nails than be forced go in the shower after you and find something like that picture.

Also, that guy in the commercial? He has another problem they're not showing you. He might be able to get away without touching the soap by using his handy-dandy body wash, but what's he going to do about the fact that the water is up to the middle of his calf because pube-boy left him a little hairy mat down there that's plugging up the drain? You can only move that thing out of the way with your toe so many times, is all I'm saying.

I have to admit, I still feel a little feminine using a loofah. At least I had to use the internet to look up what it was called. Up until today I called it the "scrubber-thing." I think I might go back to that. 

Lastly, vote for me dammit. I want to be able to say I won something for once in my life. Also, I would like to prove this anonymous douchebag wrong:

This is the last time I'll be bugging you about that, I promise. I feel like such a whore.

*Which I initially thought would be an awesome name for a punk band. But then I realized that punks generally aren't the most hygienic people on earth, so maybe not.


  1. Anonymous7:18 PM

    I voted for you. Now what do I get? (not pubes in my soap, please)

  2. I voted for you again. Now you have 62.

    Pubes on the soap...pubes in the drain. Ew. And this may classify as TMI, but long girl hair that goes mid-back has a similar affect on soap & drains.

    Just sayin'

  3. Yes, I'm aware of that..since every once in a while I'm forced to pull giant semi-sentient globs of my wife's hair from the drain.

  4. Good lord, JV! I'm feeling too much like Anita Hill at the Clarence Thomas hearings...

    I'm also tossing my loofah as soon as I finish typing this.

  5. 69

    votes that is. You are doing mighty fine. Wait till it comes down to the wire at the end of the month.

    I can not believe they showed pubes on the soap. Oh and side note, isn't TiVo or tivo like abilities nice.

    You know the scrubber-thing has other problems. Doesn't that work lose a lot of dead skin? So wouldn't it be full of pubes and dead skin? Makes me kind of glad all I have to deal with is pubes on the soap.

  6. I voted for you also but now after reading this, I need a shower.

  7. You little whore ... You're really up there in the votes. (Good job ... congratulations ... HOW'D YOU DO IT? I wanna win something for once in my life too.)

    Actually I can see how you're "up there". Your writing is very funny. I laughed aloud as I read this pube on the soap and loofah post.

    I also said ... Ewwwwwwwww!

  8. Ok I voted although no one seems to be voting for me any more :) Actually I love your blog and will be back to read more thanks.

  9. I swear I remember there being a pink band back in the 80's called The Pubes (which, I think, is actually a way better name for a punk band than Pubes on Soap). They didn't last long, I don't think. I think they got stomped by their label.

  10. Of course I voted for you, JV.
    And that soap? THAT does not happen in a bathroom that any woman uses. You boys...

  11. JV: I use a washcloth. A clean one every time. No pubes on anything.

    I'm voting for you again.

  12. Pubes on soap is beyond gross and great fodder for my standup comedy routine. Thank you! I'll have to stop by your blog more often!

    Perhaps, one night you can come down from the Canadian border and head into NYC for one of my shows! But I'll keep you posted!

  13. Hey, you gonna give up the cash to somebody who needs it?

  14. Jeez, I'm a chickie (obviously) and until about two years ago I called it 'that tu-tu thing'.

    I'm sad aren't I?

  15. Anonymous9:26 PM

    Dude, what guy uses a loofah? I use body wash, but just scrub it in and rinse it off with my hands.

    Loofah = gross anyway.

    Personally, I use natural body wash by JASON or the similar store brand from Whole Foods. Comes in a big bottle with a pump.

  16. I tried that. It kinda works, but we have hard water and no scrubby thing = no suds. So don't judge me. Moreso.