Can You Feel The Love?

It's been a week. Funerals, duty pagers, roof leaks, you name it. So.... a belated Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I'm not normally a big fan of this holiday, but believe it or not, it was a bright spot in a pretty shitty week. I got to spend some time with my wife, and I actually (wait for it...) cooked dinner. Believe it or not, I made this. I know, even a monkey could make that, but still -- it beats boiled hot dogs, which was my next choice. (Hey, it has meat AND broth.)

When I got to my desk yesterday, there was a pile of mail, and this:

Now, normally on Christmas or my birthday, there will be a little something on my desk from the girls in support, who I spend most of my day assisting. Usually it's a nice card signed by everyone, some candy, maybe some homemade cookies or a small, funny gift. Last Valentine's Day, I think they got me one of those Reese's miniatures foil hearts.

Typical office-type "thank you" stuff.

Sadly, I may have to step up my game, because they're clearly not trying any more.

First off, let's talk about the card. It's not signed, and frankly, I don't blame them for leaving it blank. I wouldn't take credit for it either. It was worse than the cards I got in second grade. Just look at it -- it's a black kid on a three-wheeled, heart-shaped skateboard, and it says "You're Co ol."

Clearly, I'm not black. I'm certainly not cool. I think they may be mocking me. And the single lollipop? At first I thought, "Well, at least I got a lollipop." Then I looked closer to see what flavor it was and saw this:

That's a ten-month old lollipop right there.

I'm hoping that this week will get better. Happy Easter, everyone!


  1. Anonymous10:24 PM

    Aww. Well, I'm sending you some loooove, and I hope this week is better than last.

    Maybe they accidentally put SD's Valentine on your desk?

  2. lol

    your card is better than mine. I got one no bigger than a matchbox.

  3. Oh Johnny....Oh Johnny....Oh Johnny, Oh!
    You have lots of valentines in case you didn't know -
    We readers heart your winning ways
    And all the stuff you have to say
    So chuck the card and eat the candy
    Soon you will be feeling dandy!!

  4. Anonymous11:49 PM

    Yeah, I wouldn't eat a 10 month old lollipop if I were you. I think those girls are sending you a message this year.

  5. just make sure on Halloween you pass out CHRISTMAS CANDY

  6. Now see, I'm not nearly as crafty as Mar-Cee-Ah. Damn. Still, I'm sending you the love, Johnny. You're Co ol!

  7. I dunno. Would that heart-board even be usable? Maybe if it was flipped around so the pointed end was at the front.

    Totally unbelievable.

  8. Anonymous9:56 AM

    It might be a brand new pop. I went into our grocery store on Monday and they had moved all the Valentines crap to the front 75percent area, and filled the "seasonal" aisle with Easter crap!

  9. Anonymous10:30 AM

    (Long time lurker, first time poster)

    Um, Valentine's Day is not a 'manufactured' holiday. It's actually a day set aside by the Catholic church to commemorating St. Valentine - yeah, a REAL saint. He was martyred on February 14, 269 A.D.

    Just thought I'd let you know...

  10. I'm going with ray here -- it's not a 10 month old lollipop, it's a -2 month old lollipop. (I swear, that's what I thought when I saw it. Perhaps I spend a little too much time coding.)

    (Totally random thought here: I was horrified at Christmas time to discover that my 9 year old niece has Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" on her iPod.)

    I'd be totally impressed (was going to put something much cruder, but do we really need that?) if someone cooked for me, doesn't matter what it is. I hope this week is better for you.

    (Just read over this comment... When did I develop ADD? Screw it, I'll post it anyway.)

  11. Anonymous1:33 PM

    "You're cool" isn't exactly a passionate declaration of love is it? Mind you, I once got a Valentine's card with an elephant on it. It didn't make me very happy.

  12. I'm hoping it was a brand new pop. Anon, I fixed it for you. I knew about the massacre, and about the Saint, but I never knew about the christian part. I always thought it had something to do with Lupercalia.

  13. Anonymous8:44 PM

    It doesn't matter to me if the lollipop is old or new- I can't quit laughing about the fact that they were wishing you a happy easter on valentine's day...too much.
    If I were you I'd start planning my revenge- it'll keep things interesting :)

  14. Oh, get over it. At least they thought of you.


  15. Ursula, Ursula, Ursula. You should know me by now. I will often pretend not to know something in order to write something mildly amusing. I figured the candy was new -- I saw peeps in the drugstore last week. I also figured they left it as a joke. I know them well and we like to have fun with pranks and what not. I am actually glad they thought of me, and it made me laugh, which was no doubt what they intended it to do.

  16. "Peeps"

    The best part of this is that they did know it said "Happy Easter" when they gave it to you. That's the best comedy right there. You must work with some pretty cool people b/c I found that hilarious.

  17. Dude, your chicken dinner you cooked reminds me of chicken fried steak, minus the steak!

    MMMMM, gravy made from pan drippings..... *drool*

  18. When I was 17 and thought it would be acceptible to date a 24 year old guy (not a man-because he is dating a kid!) he was so kind as to give me, on Valentine's Day, at 8 p.m, a huge life size bear and a card that said, "Consider yourself hugged to pieces." The next day I found out had another girlfriend which did not bother me because this guy was a total douche. So I called his phone to hear his voicemail, "Hey, this is ______, leave me a message and I'll call you back...wait patiently." What a jerk! HA!