I actually got a chance to go through the rest of the JC Penney's catalog, and there's still some funny shit in there. I know there's no way to duplicate the success of the first entry -- so I'm not even going to try. But I still wanted to share some of the fantastic 1977 goodness with you all.
Let's take a look at childrens' fashions first:
With the black bow tie and the arm just itching for a white linen towel, I can almost guarantee this kid grew up to be a butler or a maître d'. And could that suit be any thicker?
This next kid thinks he looks pretty smooth in his tangerine duds. Who said checks and polka dots don't mix? I also love the fact that he may actually be holding his own missing tooth.
As you can see from his expression, this next kid knows exactly what's going to happen to him if he steps outside his own front door. I mean, he has big bird and cookie monster in his pockets. The haircut alone will most likely get him a beat down, but the outfit and hair combo? You can almost see the thought-bubble over his head that says, "I am so fucked."
This is the kid they modeled Eric Foreman after on That 70's Show:
I'm not exactly sure what's going on in the photo below. That is one seriously effed-up hat. I believe this whole ensemble is some sort of cookie-selling uniform. It says "For Brownies" in very small letters next to the picture and if I remember correctly, a Brownie is just a boobless Girl Scout.
For this next one, I'll let you all make up your own jail-bait jokes:
They also had themed bedsheets for kids, and this one caught my eye:
These sheets were clearly designed by someone not familiar with the show, and I'm betting most of the geeks reading this right now know why. I've taken the liberty of pointing out the flaw below:
For those of you not up on your Trek, it's always the unknown guys in red that buy the farm. I think having sheets covered in dead guys would have given me recurring nightmares that always included the following bit of dialogue: "Spock, Bones, McCoy, Sulu, and uh...you there, in the red. Ensign...Virgil, is it? OK. Meet me in the transporter room. Chekhov, you have the Conn." 15 seconds after we beam down, I'm dead.
Here are some of my other favorites from the mens' and womens' sections:
The last time I saw a beard like that was on my Adventure Team GI Joe:
Billy Bob and Dubya look pretty virile:
These next two guys, I'm not so sure about:
I think the white cutoffs are assless.
f you've ever wondered about the inspiration for the Brawny paper towel guy, here you go:
The other guy is just thinking "I will do you right now."
Here's the contents of my dad's underwear drawer in 1977:
That old saying he shared with me about vertical stripes making you look longer must be true.
Wait, that was taller. Never mind.
If you really wanted to get ready for sexy time, you'd go to bed wearing one of these bad boys:
You just know he's gettin' some tonight.
The women's underwear was pretty hot back then too:
I think this particular line was called "Flat Irish Ass - by JC Penney"
The bras weren't very supportive back then:
I love how the name is "Comfort Hours." Does anything at all about that look comfortable to you? I am pretty sure it could deflect bullets.
These night gowns aren't too bad, except for Crazy Sally over there on the left who will obviously stab you to death while you sleep:
OK, I'm running out of steam, so I'll leave the exercise equipment, electronics and home furnishings for the next time. Until then, I leave you with these:
I have giant novelty sunglasses smaller than those.
Small children could hide inside her bell bottoms.
Have fun, I'm off on vacation for a few days. Enjoy what's left of the summer, and for god's sake, try not to dress like a wood-elf: