'Iq vIno'va' qurgh

I'm not sure who is responsible for storing Klingon food in my pantry, but so far that's the only explanation I've come up with for why this crap keeps showing up.

Does anyone know how to say "I'm not eating this shit" in Klingon?

feed me at: humor-blogs.com. One extra click. That's all I ask.


  1. Anonymous4:57 PM


  2. Anonymous5:01 PM

    Those would be yellow split peas, Johnny, and they make a helluva good soup to eat with grilled cheese sandwiches. Or, if you like beans and rice, you can buy some Bob's Red Mill mixed lentils which include said Klingon mystery food and make some very delicious spicy beans and rice (The peas basically disintigrate into the broth in this recipe). Expand your horizons, Johnny!

  3. Mung Dal is more linguistically 'IKEA' rather than 'Klingon'.

  4. I just spent an uncomfortable 15 minutes in alleys of the internet that are cold, dark, unfamiliar - and very likely no part of the Federation - searching for an English translation of your blog post title.

  5. Is your pantry located in the United Nations dining room? There is something there to please everyone!

  6. Yes, michelle, I was just joking. I know what they are. And it doesn't change the fact that whether they are Klingon or Terrestrial, they smell like wet cardboard and taste like sand.

  7. Yum!!
    Just kidding.

  8. Ha! Welcome to my world, where you try to be funny, and all of commenters try to be helpful! Sucks, doesn't it?

  9. Please tell me that's not a can of Goya huitelacoche, from the "Steve, don't eat it!" blog.
    It may be a small blessing that it's sitting there unopened, though.

  10. I went to Klingontranslator.com (because I'm kinda geeky for a woman), and this is the translation:

    "Sorry there is no translation in our database for I'm not eating this shit, ever.."

    I couldn't believe it. So I thought I'd at least share the web site with you.

  11. Anonymous8:44 PM

    I think in Kligon you just use your betleH to attack the person who brought it to you. A bit extreme in our Earth bound surroundings but honour is satisfied and it does stop coming. If you haven't got your betleH handy then close your eyes and think of something pleasant as your swallow.

  12. Anonymous10:06 PM

    Funny that they specified the "split yellow" part in English. Guess they were afraid you'd just think it was broken. Did you get this at the milk club store? 'Cause that's some variety...

  13. Actually, I think they transposed the first letter of each word on the label.

    It's supposed to be "Dung Mal", which I think translates to "Bad Shit".

  14. 4 pounds? holy hell

  15. Anonymous8:34 AM

    Are you guys sure they're yellow split peas? They look like rice crispies.

  16. Anonymous8:42 AM

    Yum. Had that for lunch, west Indian style.

  17. Anonymous8:57 AM

    I think someone needs to learn how to cook in your house. Sand? I've never eaten peas that taste like sand. Try some ham.

  18. Anonymous9:10 AM

    Dal has a low glycemic index, contains protein, and is generally yummy if you can appreciate good Indian food. To prevent them from being gross in future eating:

    Mung Dal

    1 cup Yellow split mung beans
    1 cup water
    ¼ tsp turmeric powder

    1tsp sugar

    2 tsp cumin powder
    2 tsp coriander powder
    1 3/4 tsp veg oil
    1 bay leaf
    3 tsp minced ginger
    1 tsp green chillie minced
    ¼ tsp all spice
    2 tbs lemon juice
    Ghee for flavor

    Place mung beans on ungreased griddle or in a skillet over medium to medium-low heat. Stirring often, roast the dal for 8 to 10 minutes. The dal will acquire a lighter colour & emit a nutty aroma. Be careful that they do not turn a dark brown. Transfer to a bowl & wash if desired. Bring water to a boil & stir in the dal along with the turmeric & whole chiles. Simmer, covered, until the dal is tender, 35 to 45 minutes. While cooking, uncover & stir occasionally. Add salt, sugar, cumin & coriander. Keep warm. Heat oil in a skillet. Add bay leaf & fry for a few seconds. Add ginger & minced green chile & fry until the ginger is lightly browned which should be no more than 2 minutes. Stir constantly. Pour into the dal & mix well. Simmer for a further couple of minutes & remove from heat. Blend in the garam masala, (all spice)lemon or lime juice & ghee if desired. Cover & let stand to let the flavours develop. Garnish & serve over rice.

  19. You don't say anything; you just get those ice tongs from a few blogs back and squeeze the Klingon's mung dal till he squeaks.


  20. I didn't know Mung Dal came in 4 pound bags!
    Wow, what a lifesaver that could have been at the D&D banquet.

  21. Klingon? Whould be "RawLOmn. Sh*t"
    In Elmer Fudd, would be "Mung Daw"
    Swedish Chef (he should know) "Your Text, Dialectized (bork)
    Moong Del

    Buck up. At least it ain't Lentels....

  22. Anonymous3:02 PM

    Dude, has my dad been hanging out in your pantry? Every time he visits he leaves behind various bargain goodies he finds at his favourite "scratch & dent" food store. Sure, the kiddies loved the gummy handcuffs (?!) but hubby is less than amused. Pickled okra? Yep, we know what that is, too, but sure as hell ain't eatin' it...

  23. Anonymous5:34 PM

    People still watch Star Trek?

  24. Lew, apparently -- they do. Who knew?

    Savior, thanks for that. It actually doesn't sound too bad when you put it that way.

    Backlash, I'm a picky eater. It's not like I actually *tried* that crap. I'm not crazy.

    FA - I'm told Klingons don't squeak.

  25. anything that rhymes with DUNG....I wouldn't eat it either!

  26. Oh shit, yellow peas. I just got over yellow peas/green peas smooth peas/wrinkled peas in our Genetics class. (Mendelian genetics)

    I'll never be able to look at a pea again thanks to that class.

  27. As my mom said, if you don't want it, you don't have to eat it but don't expect me to make something else for you.

  28. Anonymous6:26 AM

    These are pulses that are consumed in northern part of Indian sub continent. Its boiled (takes a heluva long time) then fried with onions, chilli and salt to taste. We have it with rice here. You can have it as a soup.... very nourishing.

  29. Hey Johnny,
    Its pronounced 'moong' dal, and is one of the staple dishes in a typical indian dinner menu...served with chapatis or rice..
    what i am wondering is how it ended in your pantry when you dont even like it?

  30. Anonymous10:52 AM

    My husband HATES olives, but I keep them in our pantry. Probably Johnny's wife doesn't give a damn if he likes them either. Pick them out, I say.

    And did someone seriously give you a recipe? Did the humor escape everyone?

  31. Anonymous11:07 AM

    I take anything I don't want to eat up to work. Stick it in the breakroom & it will disappear. Like magic! Or, throw it away & blame the kids. But if you don't have any kids, go back to my 1st suggestion.

  32. No, but I can tell you in Spanish. "No voy a comerme esta mierda."

  33. It's hindi, Johnny. Used more commonly in north India than here in the south. It's eaten deep fried, after it's been soaked in salted water for a couple of hours. It may be used to make ither stuff, but this is the only one I eat, being a carnivore and a Southie.

  34. Anonymous7:36 PM

    You would f#%*ing HATE Asheville. :-D

    One day you'll come home and find a bumper sticker that says "Dog Is Love" has mysteriously found its way onto your car. When that happens, let me know. It'll be time for you and the wife to move south because she's obviously heading this direction, at least figuratively.

  35. Phrases in Klingon? Be careful what you ask for -- you'll probably run into somebody who knows.

  36. veQ jISopbejQo' jIH!