I finally put the finishing touches on my death ray, and I've got my list of potential targets together. In retrospect I probably should have gone mobile -- it makes the targeting less math-intensive.
No, I kid. Actually, this is my first post from 22,223 miles above the earth. To clarify, I'm not actually floating around up there. I just beam my shit up to some flying ball of tinfoil called 95-West and then the nice people from India that Hughes hires to talk unintelligibly on their tech support lines eventually beam it back to my blog.
It's less than half the speed of DSL or cable at 3 times the price, so how could I go wrong? Of course, I know that by buying this hardware and committing to a 15 month contract I've pretty much guaranteed that Verizon will decide to offer DSL in my area next week, but what can you do?
As Arthur C. Clarke said, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."