Believe it or not, the guy is supposedly going to be OK, but holeeee shit. When I saw that photo I immediately tried to picture what it would be like to have all MY teeth knocked out -- from the inside. I couldn't do it.
That picture is just...Unbelievable. I learned two things that I did not know before. One, never read the NY Post. Two, the sad thing about this horrible sport is that the bull dies whether he wins or loses, because, well, that's the rules. I call bullshit.
Bullfighting may be a tradition, but it's time to stop the madness. Not only because it's cruel and inhumane to the poor animals, but also so I don't have to see shit like this and feel obligated to pass it on to all of you. Man, that looks painful. Dumb ass. Taunting a giant horned animal like that.
Now that you're awake, and collectively holding your jaws and running your tongues around inside your mouths, let's talk about this:
Are you with me here? Are you understanding what it is you are seeing?
Just to clarify: Yes, it is a giant shark sleeping bag.
Why? Well, why not? Who hasn't wanted to fall asleep in the mouth of one of the world's most terrifying predators? I know I have. The designer says she created it in an effort to make sharks more "cuddly" which is really something I never thought about. Usually, when I think about making a shark more of something, it pretty much culminates with "uninterested in me, personally."
The absolute worst thing about this? Well, it's not that it costs two hundred bucks (which includes shipping) although that's pretty bad in its own right. The worst thing has to be the name.
It's called ... The ChumBuddy.
Ignoring for a second the fact that the name sounds like some sort of elaborate masturbatory device designed for men to use while in the library, it's also completely inaccurate.
Here's my detailed analysis as to why: I've always been led to understand that "chum" is what they call the bucket of bloody fish heads that they throw in the water to lure the sharks in.
This would mean that a "ChumBuddy" would be someone who likes to hang out and watch movies with a bucket of bloody fish heads, and I don't think anybody really wants that, so my conclusion stands. Worst name ever.
At first I thought a better name would be something like "Shark Buddy" but then I got thinking that maybe that's still too "cuddly" and she should really name her product something like "Horrific, Urine-soaked Dreams" or "Your Child's Future Therapy Sessions."
The X's over the eyes look like they were photoshopped in there, but I totally think she should sell a sleep mask like that as a ten dollar accessory.
I'm always giving my ideas away. I can't help myself. It's why I'll never be rich.
Should be called the "Quint" bag...ReplyDelete
I feel the same way about bullfighting. And the sleeping bag is just WRONG! Oh, look mommy, a cute, cuddly shark!ReplyDelete
Ugh! I HATE, HATE HATE, bullfighting, should be called bullkilling. I like it when the "brave" matadors get gored. OK, I am done now. Great post as always!!ReplyDelete
OMG, my first thought at the bull"fighting" picture was "YEAHHHH!!!" I love sweet revenge from tortured animals. I can't even begin to tell you how much I despise bullfighting, it is so barbaric, disgusting and unfair. So that asshole got what he deserved. I hope it hurts for a LONG time...like decades.ReplyDelete
On another note, I thought the shark bag was hilarious and kinda cute...
I think its a clever photoshop actually, but either way bullfighting is a horrible thing, and I also hate horseracing, another cruel sport we use animals for. If its a real picture, he got was he deserved.ReplyDelete
Pharmchick, it's real. He's pretty famous in Spain for that crap.ReplyDelete
So I'll just throw up the punchline of one of my favorite jokes:ReplyDelete
"Sometimes, Senor, the bull, he does not lose."
I think the sleeping bag has a market. I mean, she could release the BearBuddy, and other predatory animal sleeping bag, along with mythical creatures like El Chupacabre Sleeping bags. The possibilities are endless really.ReplyDelete
That is a ridiculous sleeping bag...now if only they had a bullfighting sleeping bag that came with head gear that punctured your throat while you slept... i would totally buy that.ReplyDelete
then I stand corrected,and believe he got exactly what he deserved. bullfighting is an archaic, sadistic "sport". It, like cockfighting, dogfighting, horseracing and the like should be banned.
OMG! You are too funny in your sarcasm, but these are horrible things! I enjoy reading your blog and must send this one to my boyfriend. I think he would actually enjoy yours!!ReplyDelete
Ugh, the first picture... I'm afraid I'll never be able to unclench my jaws again.ReplyDelete
I think the shark-bag is neat. But I'd rather have the "Alien" bag.ReplyDelete
I've been working on losing weight... the horn through the face killed my appetite for lunch, so THANKS, Johnny.ReplyDelete
You should market this gross-out diet plan.
JV, thank you sooooo much for that first picture. As it happens, I leave for Spain with my husband, best friend and her son in less than 5 weeks. My friend insists that we HAVE to go to a bull fight while we're there. The men don't care either way, but I wouldn't go to one if you held a gun to my head. The next time she starts to press the issue, I'm just going to show her that photo. Nuff said.ReplyDelete
I think it needs little feet holes in the bottom. Then we have the perfect halloween costume.ReplyDelete
For some reason I have that stupid song "Fish Heads" stuck in my head now. Awesome.ReplyDelete
Chumbuddy is awesome!ReplyDelete
I'll be having a horrific, urine-soaked dream about the bullfighting picture. (A friend of mine from Spain tells me that I don't understand the "sport" because I was not "born into" it --but like you, my understanding is that the bull gets taunted by some guy in ridiculous clothes and then dies whether he wins or loses. I don't think a lot is lost in translation. Are you with me, ChumBuddy?ReplyDelete
Anyone else notice the shark appears to have a remote? I have to wonder if it makes the jaws chew...ReplyDelete
All I can think is Un-BULL-ievable.ReplyDelete
That takes me back to my college days when I spent a month in Spain with a host family. One night, during dinner, we watched the bullfights. One matador was gored, and thrown approximately 30 or 40 feet in the air. He wanted with a thud headfirst. The father of the family saw this, and simply said (as best I could translate: "Well that's gonna hurt. Pass the paella." Guess it was just another day!ReplyDelete
i wonder....would the chumbuddy help or hurt people with sharkphobias?ReplyDelete
Ok - you're sleeping on the floor and all the cushion on the ChumBuddy is on the top??? Also, top half of your body is going to be cold while your legs are roasting. Dumb design...ReplyDelete
(yes, I'm excessively practical)
Bull fighting - very very cruel.
I quite like the chumbuddy, myself. Not really sure what the problem is.ReplyDelete
That bullfighting picture made me think of Hot Fuzz. In the (spoiler) most awesome final fight scene Tim Dalton's character slips and falls onto a large replica of a very pointy-roofed cathedral. In right through the underside of the mouth, out through the open mouth, just like el matador. No teeth lost, just a giant puncture wound.ReplyDelete
Then again, that was a movie. Yikes.
My 12 year old thought that the shark sleeping bag was really cool, and wants me to buy her one. She thinks a crocodile one would be great, too.ReplyDelete
I've been reading you since the JCP post (still my most fav post of all time), but have never left a comment...but just wanted to let you know you are hilarious and that I love your writing. I read the post where some dingleberry stole this post and claimed it as his own. I can see why he did though, it's great!! But, still he should have given credit where it was due (glad to see it was deleted from his site). Just wanted to let you know I am a loyal follower, even if I am the silent type! :-)ReplyDelete
Thanks, Justina! I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Lurkers are always welcome!ReplyDelete