Buckle Up.

I was thumbing through a mail order catalog the other day, marveling at the sheer magnitude of crap that is available for purchase, when I see this:

Now, you may call me a pervert or degenerate or whatever other insulting but accurate term you feel like using, but with copy that reads "put it out there, front and center, giving it the spotlight treatment it deserves" -- the first snapshot that occurs to me is not a picture of my truck or my house.

In fact, am willing to bet my next paycheck that nobody is going to buy this and think to themselves, "You know what? I think I'll put a picture of my kids in this thing." You'd end up arrested before you knew what hit you, especially if you happened to have young daughters.

I can almost see some redneck dropping in a picture of his sweet '73 Camaro or something, but that's about it. I don't think gay guys would actually wear something like this, since belt buckle fashion is not their forte and is usually left to the NASCAR crowd, but that's the only other market I could envision for this thing. They could just put an actual photo of their junk in there and save themselves some time at the bar. I don't know a lot about gay culture other than what I read, so I could be wrong.

Anyway, because it's what I do, I got to pondering.

In my opinion, it might be more effective to just stick with the written word. You know how it's almost impossible to not read a T-shirt someone is wearing? The same thing applies here. I came up with a few other possibilities.

For the pervert:

For the blessed:

For the safe sex advocate:

For the gay man looking for a serious relationship:

Anyway, I obviously have one on order. I think I'm just going to keep it "as is" and see what sort of comments I get.


  1. How about Roseanne Barr's famous comment, "If you are reading this, there'd better be an engagement ring in your pocket"? Nope - that's too much text to cram in. I'd just put a picture of one of my cats in that tiny frame.

  2. P.S. What the hell kind of magazines are you reading these days, anyway? Did you find that in Sky Mall? :)

  3. Anonymous5:53 PM


  4. This is why this blog is #1

    Great post

  5. Anonymous8:40 PM


  6. Anonymous9:13 PM

    I agree, scoop.

  7. I think I know someone I'd like to purchase that for. It would give me endless days of material to share with my friends.

  8. I think a fun thing to do would be to put a picture of someone looking upwards, clearly impressed. With their hands they gesture downwards; pointing and giving the thumbs up.

    This can be sarcastic or serious.

    Further, I'm not sure why it's not an interactive LCD picture frame. I mean, why be stuck with one when a plethora of images could be loaded and ready to go when the situation changes?

    Another good one might be: "If you can read this I do sit-ups."

    The sheer number of belt-buckles that are perpetually forced groundward due to the ever-expanding region above is becoming pandemic. That might serve as a bandage on a dismemberment... but hey, somebody's got to point these things out.

    - Scott

  9. Anonymous2:25 AM

    Ditto Scoop.

  10. I have this friend who used to be like, "Hey Sarah want to see my new belt?" and I would look, and his balls would be out. And when I say friend I mean stalker. No seriously he was a friend, and I've seen his balls a lot. I'm just saying if he knew about this belt it might aid in his efforts.

    What if I got one and put a picture of my cleavage in it. Whoa that would really confuse the boys.

  11. This is awesome!

    The possibilities are endless for what you could write.

    If I come up with a good one, I'll let you know.

    Keep 'em coming.

  12. Can you order these online? Does your mail order catalog have a website?

  13. appropriately enough:


  14. This was genius, man. Very impressive. I'll laugh for quite a bit...

  15. Anonymous7:38 PM

    I think the crystal covered McDonalds logo belt buckle actually beats this one. Who wouldn't want a glittery image of the golden arches on their belt?

  16. Anonymous9:18 AM

    I've met a guy with one of these before, a dishwasher named Wayne. He had a picture of his girlfriend's kid in his... the picture was sideways too!

  17. Anonymous12:08 AM

    I would wear it.