Lord of the Flies

Exodus 8:24 And the LORD did so; and there came a grievous swarm of flies into the house of Pharaoh, and into his servants' houses, and into all the land of Egypt: the land was corrupted by reason of the swarm of flies.

I am pretty sure I've never been a pharaoh, and I've never intentionally doublecrossed the fly mafia or anything, so I can't really explain what is happening outside my house today. It started around 8 am with a few big black flies hanging out on the porch. By noon, you couldn't even walk from one end of the porch to the other without passing through a swarm of them. As an added bonus, they bite.

Here's a picture of a small section of porch post. Keep in mind there are about 9 more posts just like this one:

I decided to hang a fly strip, just to see what I could catch. As I was opening it up, I caught three flies. After about two hours, it looked like this:

So I hung a few more. An hour later, I had this:

It's pretty disgusting. Even more disgusting, I think the majority of them were playing "hide the fly salami." Either that or they're just really close pals.

I have no idea what they are attracted to, or where they are coming from. I keep looking under my porch for jewish people to let go, but there is none to be had.

I looked for dead bodies under there too, but I know it can't be that because I never bury them there.


  1. Anonymous5:01 PM

    Um, do you think it may be some satanic- type event is about to unfold? Like, if you have a plague of flies, expect locusts and boils some time soon?

  2. it's an OMEN, baby. quick, sprinkle your porch w/ holy water, get a white candle blessed and for heaven's sake, don't invite any strangers into your home!

  3. I think a town near yours died and has started to rot.

    The flies kill a town by annoying people until they battle it out (to the death, which is naturally the only way to battle) and then all die but the last. He is the flymaster, for a day! Next they move on to your town. Will you become the fly master?


  4. Very Amityville Horror

  5. Is that Jeff Goldblum in that first picture?

  6. P.S. Jeff Goldblum as Fly works as a comment for a lot of your posts lately.

  7. I've got a houseful of spiders I can sell you that will make short work of those flies.

  8. Anonymous10:09 PM

    kinda scary, but it is 06/06/06...coincidence? I think not!

    My sister had an apartment in college and when she moved in she left my mom and I to clean it. As a joke we hung a bunch of fly traps around the place - she didn't find it very funny when she got caught in one - we on the other hand couldn't stop laughing!

  9. Yes, they were all climbing on the backs of each other.

  10. what in the name of fuck O_O my sister's place had like HUNDREDS of tiny, black, flying bastards all over the place earlier this summer. dunno if you guys have them but these babies take pieces off of your skin and leave a mark for weeks if not for months. they also cause nice bruising if they eat up a piece of your face... hrrrr... something's wrong with the world. badly.