I'm shocked.

Beach towels? Flip flops? Green screen photography? Professional teeth whitening? Six-second tanning?

How is it possible that this place could go out of business? If those things are not the basis for a solid five-year business plan, I'm not sure what is.

They probably should have added pizza, tattoos and psychic readings. That would have been too big to fail.


  1. Anonymous4:15 PM

    HAHAHAHAHA! This is too much! What a hoot. And your title? I figured you had been re-wiring lamps or something in your house!
    Peace <3

  2. Maybe an espresso bar might have saved the business, but I guess that wouldn't have gone too well with the teeth whitening.

  3. Anonymous8:56 AM

    Sounds like guido heaven. xD

  4. Anonymous11:47 AM

    How does that 6 second tan thing work, like a big microwave? Or is it more of a pizza oven?

  5. Anonymous11:59 AM

    don't forget Nails... must have a Nail salon.

  6. DAMNIT! I had an appointment to get my taxes done there next week. No one even called me. Jerks.

  7. What’s so hard to understand about this?

    First grab a beach towel and some flip flops. Next, get your teeth whitened. Then into the tanning booth. Six seconds later, you slide your naked, bronzed butt out of the tanning booth and into your new flip flops. Wrap yourself in the towel and scoot over to the green screen for a quick gag photo. You know, pretend your “swimming with the sharks” or “checking out the other nudists on the beach.” That kind of thing. Then up to the cashier where you pay your $49.95, grab your freshly printed photos and out you go, grinnin’ and glowin’ like a fool.

    At least, that’s how I imagine the pitch to the investors went down.