For reasons that escape me, I had an opportunity to google "witchypoo" not too long ago.

What I got was the following screen:

I immediately thought, What in the holy hell is that thing in the middle? At first I thought some madman had grafted breasts onto other breasts, or someone's penis enlargement surgery had gone horribly, horribly wrong. Or maybe it was a lump of discorporate flesh somehow being kept alive by eldritch means. None of these possibilities seemed out of the question, even after I zoomed in:

I linked back to the website that was generating such disturbing images and just tossing them up on the web for unsuspecting surfers to see, and found this. Now I want one.

Also, I am trying to convince my wife to make me one of these.

In other news, I was the asshole yesterday.

You know that guy in the car behind you who beeps at your stupid ass when the light turns green and you didn't notice the change because you're putting on your make-up or texting your bestie or dicking around with your ipod? That was me yesterday.

I'm sitting at a red light, second in line behind some girl in a Ford Escort, just blasting the tunes and trying to get to the post office before they closed. The light turns green and she just sits there. I wait about five seconds, then give her a polite little toot on horn. She doesn't move. I wait another five seconds then tap it again. Ten seconds later, there's still nothing but brake lights in my face. Finally, I lean on the horn a little, thinking I didn't get her attention the first time. She looks up into her rear view, and I raise my hands in the universal "What the Fuck, Lady?" gesture...

... just as the ambulance rushes through the intersection, lights and sirens blazing.

So if you're reading this, girl in the Escort, I'm sorry I was an inadvertent asshole.

In my defense, my music was pretty loud.


  1. I've rolled up on people in the ambulance before, lights and sirens going full tilt boogie, and they just doodle on, never pulling over....newer cars are so sound-tight that with the windows up and the tunes cranking they simply don't hear us even when we're on top of them. That's why we have a siren that actually shakes the car in front of us. Oh, yes, my lovelies. They get over then. Driving with my hand on that switch is delicious.

  2. Anonymous8:30 PM

    How much time do you have on your hands that you can google "witchypoo" and then research this? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Sooo funny.

    I know about people not getting out of the way of ambulances, ridden in enough of them...wished we had a pushbar or ramrod or bazooka! But I've also been the 2nd or 3rd car back at that green light, though around here we have Opticons which turn the light green for the oncoming ambulance!

    Peace <3

  3. Alas I was *that* guy today too.

    I was seriously yelling at the "lame-O" that had their signal on and practically stopping on THE HIGHWAY.

    I yelled as I passed him without signalling, "If you are going to pull over then pull all the way off the freeway jacka**" That was simultaneous to the ambulance speeding by in the fast/emergency lane.


    In my defense- do you really have to pull over and stop on the highway or can you just get in the slow lane and slow down?

    oh and I couldn't hear him over the sound of my kids playing on the iPad in the back seat...nor could they hear me swearing.

  4. I once thought a car was pulling over to FINALLY let me pass them, and as I pulled out into the other lane to do so, I heard the blaring horn of the ambulance they were pulling over to give way to.

    Yeah. Been there.

  5. It's probably just as well that you can't remember why you were Googling 'witchypoo'...

  6. Look up well know British artist Sarah Lucas and her 'Nud' works for something extremely similar but considerably more expensive


  7. I leaned on the horn just the other day, not knowing that the person ahead of me was waiting for a kid to finish crossing the road.

    I felt pretty small: smaller than that kid.

  8. kristina12:53 PM

    Didn't someone make a comment about HR Pufnstuf recently? That would have made me think about Witchiepoo...

    Nice... um... hat... ?

    Did the girl in the Ford Escort get to see you do a face-palm after the ambulance went by? ;)

    But seriously, the lights should have changed to red for you if the ambulance was coming through - don't they do this everywhere now?

  9. I made someone an asshole yesterday, by not using my turn signal. They were waiting to enter the roadway, and were none to pleased that I didn't signal that I was turning. Even gave me the "Oh, REAL nice signal, jerk!" face.

    In my defense, I was in the turn only lane, and slowing down, so it was kind of implied. A signal just seemed redundant.

  10. I'm the creator of the Witchypoo you found ... but for the life of me, I can't imagine what possessed you to google witchypoo ... but thanks for stopping by! Now I'll have to post more pix of some other pantyhose creatures I've created. Cheers!

  11. Y'know, that finished witchypoo face looks remarkably like Leonard Nimoy...

  12. It's a good thing you weren't FIRST in line at the light, and pulled out into the path of the ambulance.

  13. Shield, I've heard (and felt) that one. Like a giant BLATTT!

    Jay, not enough time. I'm just a good procrastinator. Pay bills? Or look up HR Puf n' Stuf on the net? Which sounds more enticing?

    They don't have those fancy lights here in the sticks.

    Mother hen, who the hell knows? I've always tried to convince people that the sign says "Yield" not "Give up"

    BAG, Glad I'm not the only one.

    Wayward, I remembered. Something to do with Sigmund the seamonster or one of sid and marty's other creations.

    GSE that's some pricey stuff.

    Ross, I've done the same thing to a person waiting for a line of turkeys to cross the road.

    Kristina, not up in these parts. At least not in the sticks.

    Ed - hand signals. It's the only way to be sure.

    LDF, welcome. You make some creative creatures, even if they do look pretty scary when they're unfinished.

    Eliz, you are RIGHT. Good call.

    Blair, then I would have seen them coming. Hopefully.

  14. Anonymous11:56 PM

    OMG! HR Puf n' Stuff was my first gay hero!!!!


    Peace <3

  15. I was on the other end of this once. While driving in Boston, an ambulance came up behind me in pretty significant traffic. I was already stopped at a red light, first in line. In the LEFT lane. The right lane next to me was EMPTY. Rather than pull around me and go unimpeded into the intersection with their loud, life preserving siren, this guy layed on his very loud, very embarrassing ambulance horn. I swear, EVERYONE was staring at me- the one keeping the life blood from an emergency patient. And, pushing me, a helpless sirenless motorist into a busy intersection. I do believe everyone heard me and my passenger cursing that day. You know they wouldn't have stopped if I got squished.....

  16. Where's the Rapture when you need it?

  17. PS I love Itchycoo Park by Small Faces.

  18. Anonymous12:32 PM

    I've not heard a siren in about 20 years. All my cues are from what the others are doing and it's pretty damn obvious if you pay attention. Most hearing people don't pay attention like that.

    OH, and I tried to post on the sunburn post but the comments just went to a blank page. Next time that happens, go down to the restaurant and ask for a quart of vinegar. Plain white is fine, apple cider is fine. Pour it on washcloths or hand towels, then place it on the burned bits and let it sit. If you have more, like a gallon, you can be more liberal about it. The acetic acid in vinegar is a week NSAID, but it does wonders for burns. It's desribed as "drawing out the pain", and it takes away the hot burning pain so you're left with just the soreness. This is the same stuff that helps with jelly fish sting pain.

    You an even fill the tub with an inch or two of water and put the gallon of vinegar in it, and sit in the water. Just make sure that if your wife (or any woman who does this) is prone to yeast infection, make sure you use the soak a cloth method instead of sitting in it, because it an alter pH levels and trigger a yeastie.

    I had a mother who encouraged burns, and I spent the summers of my childhood being miserable until I could get the vinegar on me. Skin cancer, here I come.

  19. I like that you did a Witchypoo search.

  20. Anonymous11:37 AM

    I am a bit surprised no one has mentioned that in at least my state (Ca.), it is illegal to listen to an Ipod with both earbuds for this reason. I had asked my bro about this when they gave me one for a gift.


  21. Was it a blue Ford Escort with a different color bumper? Because if it was, that was me, and I completely forgive you. I had that happen to me. :-) I was stopped at a light and I saw those white lights on top of the traffic light go on that means "Emergency Vehicle approaching intersection" so I stopped and had no intention of moving. I also had my iPod playing very loudly and would have gone through the green light had I not see the light flash and knew to stop. I also got blasted by the car behind me and tried to ignore it. I personally think it's awesome if that was you! hahaha