Happy Valen....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Last night, I could NOT fall asleep. My mind was full of ideas; stupid stuff I didn't have to worry about at all, and other stuff that was slightly more important, although truth be told, there wasn't much I was going to do about any of it at two in the morning. I had a head full of random bits of information, all whirling around in my brain like it was one of those clear plastic cages that they pump full of money and you have to stand in the windstorm and grab whatever you can. I usually drop into a snooze the second my head hits the pillow, however last night, that didn't happen. I basically pulled an all-nighter, for no good reason. In fact, the reason I'm writing this now is so I don't fall asleep -- because if I do, I'll be up late again, thereby perpetuating my misery. So I'm here to say this post will suck, and you can blame it on the sleep deprivation.
Here's an example of my thought processes last night that, in real time, took about 20 seconds: Man, I wonder when those 20 books I ordered are going to get here... I knew I should have paid extra for fast shipping. They probably didn't even start making them yet, then after that I have to wait for UPS. I'll bet the UPS truck is probably going to get stuck in our driveway. This snow sucks. Good for snowboarding, though. I have to get the rack back on the car before we go with Doug and Colleen at the end of the month. Hope Gore's not icy. The ice on our roof is brutal. Has to be four inches thick. How the hell am I going to melt all that? I really don't want it raining in the living room again. That sucked. I should have planned on being home tomorrow -- I could turn on the heat cables. I don't need water dripping from the basement rafters again, either. I wonder when the contractor is going to call with the pricing on finishing the basement? It's been like two weeks. Shit, I have to go to sleep. I'm going to be a zombie tomorrow. I could get a solid 4 hours of sleep if I just fell asleep NOW....no NOW.....OK, NOW... relax and think about nothing... deep breaths, breathe in, breathe out...Whose brilliant idea was it to put nipples on George Clooney's Batman costume? It clearly didn't need nipples. Wow, that was a screwed up movie. I have to remember to update my netflix queue...
Now picture 6 more hours of that.
I finally fell asleep a little after 3am. For those of you keeping score at home, I have to get up at 4:30 for work. I must have been crushing some last minute dreaming, because when I woke up I remembered about four different discrete yet seemingly simultaneous dreams. I wasn't even sure the human mind could do that, but I think I was probably delirious. When my alarm went off, I was flying and sailing a boat. At the same time. I mean like it was a big sailing ship, and I was sailing it myself, however I was also flitting around the ship like some sort of faerie pirate. I have no idea.
At work today I was fine until after I ate lunch. My morning coffee wore off and I was so tired that I actually almost fell asleep installing the new Microsoft Office 2010. Damn that is a pig of an install. It had to take 30 minutes, easy. During the install, I closed my eyes for a second at 20% and a split-second later, I opened them again and it was at 15%, which confused me and made me think of this cartoon:
So I'll be skipping my workout tonight, and heading directly to bed and I plan to be asleep by nine. Added bonus, I'm coming down with a cold. I love winter. Hey, here's a random fact for you -- this month, 67 searches for some variation of "Why do I shiver when I Pee?" landed people on my page. I am the new pee shiver expert of the internet, you guys.
Lastly, before I fall asleep, there's a new little link over there on the upper right -- if you want to buy a book and have me deface it for you, that's how you go about getting it done.
So anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Speaking of that, here's one I got from my buddy Mike in second grade:

P.S. - How the hell does Joan Cusack keep getting work? Her voice was made for silent film and her face was made for radio.


  1. Can't sleep, clowns will eat me ... to them I'm just a happy meal ... and you're so right about Ms Cusack. But damn, she does get the work. Peaceful dreams, buddy.

  2. I've had nights like that. Weird shit just goes through my mind.

    The next night I take a sleeping pill, no matter how exhausted I feel.

    Would someone mind explaining why Firefox feels a need to try and auto-complete the captcha?

  3. Don't you be talkin' about my Joan Cusak... I'm counting on her to play my quirky sidekick in the movie adaptation of my semi-autobiographical book which is a compilation of my shamelessly self-absorbed internet ramblings but really mostly Lies Designed To Make Me Look Good.

    I checked and Kathy Griffin isn't available.

  4. She was perfect as that robot sister, though - what was that? Toys? anyway, I hope you get to sleep tonight. You know, some Grey goose can help you with that. You might still have fucked up dreams, though.

  5. night's? those are what my brain is like daily! I will be having a conversation and will be all over the place, people just get used to it.

  6. Anonymous10:42 PM

    I have way too many nights like that!

    And just to make you jealous, it was 60ish and sunny and windy today!

    Peace <3

  7. Slager11:15 PM

    Joan Cusack never did me any harm.

  8. I was SO happy to see a new post from you just in the nick of time for me so needing a laugh. Thanks you always for the laughs - you have no idea how much they mean to some of us.

  9. Three years ago a search for the 'pee shiver' is how I found your blog! I've read every post since

  10. That Valentine is filthy. No wonder you still have it.

  11. I love XKCD!! Here is a link to the original comic, for those interested: http://xkcd.com/612/

  12. kristina11:47 AM

    So was it the getting lucky for V-day that filled your body with adrenaline and made it so you couldn't sleep? Or was it the horror you experienced when you found the gay-porn valentine from your friend?

  13. Wow, I'm shocked no one has asked where your poor wife was while you laid there wide awake? Snoring next to you? :-) This is why Mr. RiderWriter sleeps in the guest room with the TV on most of the time... and takes Lunesta after a string of really bad nights. We drive each other nuts otherwise. Hope you get some quality shuteye tonight!

    (Word verification: "Viarane." As in, JV needs to take some of this when he can't sleep - it's related to that other male v-drug but Mrs. JV needs to dispense it :-)

  14. Who the hell shivers when they pee? Lord, now _I'm_ going to have to google it.

  15. It must be because her brother puts her in all his movies. John Cusack is a hottie, or was, nah he still is. Good night, JV.

  16. La pianista, I hate clowns. I'm not alone in my hatred.

    CM, I might need to get some. Any suggestions?

    EM - If I made that movie, I think it would end with me bringing Joan to some speech therapy for that horrible marble mouth she seems to have.

    KC - now there's a suggestion!

    Mrs O, that's very kind of you to say. Thanks.

    Slager, I guess you have to define "harm" -- physical harm, no, but her voice causes me mental anguish.

    Bob, you're not alone, apparently.

    Muskrat, my MOTHER kept it. But still.

    Zanthia, thanks - I linked it up above

    Kristina, there was no lucky to be getting, since the Mrs. was sick, but yeah, I think it was that straw that got to me. That and the nipples on the costume.

    Rider, yeah - she was out like a light, luckily for me, not snoring, although it wouldn't have made a difference. I was reading for half the night.

    Love Cynic, apparently the answer is EVERYONE BUT YOU.

    Alli, you are absolutely right. Why isn't my brother a major movie star? Life would be easier....I'll have to tell him to get on that.

  17. Anonymous2:16 PM

    It's hamster brain. You go around and around, but you never get anywhere.

  18. were you sleeping when you wrote this?

    i think i love you JV.