My future, she is-a so bright.

A while ago, someone contacted me via e-mail and asked if I'd be willing to give an honest review of his product for a free sample of said product. I agreed, thinking it might be something fun to play with, and there was always the possibility I could make my review slightly amusing. I waited and waited, but nothing showed up. He never contacted me again. I figured he had decided against it after I told him I had a humor blog and I would be brutally honest in my review. I also told him there was a good chance I'd make jokes at his expense.

Well, De Filippi, he came-a through!

The other day, my "free gift" was sitting in my mailbox. After coming here all the way from the old country, postaprioritaria, the package was still in one piece. Yes, it came from Italy. Milano, to be exact.

So now I know exactly two things that are produced in Milano:

Weird little cookies*, and these things:

In case you're wondering, these strange-ass looking things are called pinhole glasses. If you think they look freaky just sitting there on the desk, you should see how weird they look when you put them on. I think the fact that they appear to be cut out of a black leather car seat probably has something to do with that.

The funny thing is, they kinda-sorta actually work. I've needed glasses for quite a while (I'm nearsighted) and these work by focusing and limiting the amount of extraneous light that gets to your eye. If you're interested, you can read about it here.

Unfortunately, they are almost useless unless you're looking at something very bright, because not much light gets in at all. If I look through them for more than a few minutes, my head feels like it's going to explode. There's an odd momentary distortion when your eye moves from hole to hole, but things are actually quite clear. I'm not sure if you'd ever get used to it, but the overall experience is probably pretty close to being knocked unconscious and waking up trapped inside of an air hockey table.

In the history section of the website, they mention Eskimos using a variation on these to prevent snow blindness, using slits instead of pinholes. I thought that was pretty cool, because one of the first comic book titles I ever collected as a kid was The Flash, and this cover immediately popped into my head:

Yeah. Captain Cold and the Heat Wave. Supervillains or a 1970's Funk Band? You decide. But The Flash on crutches? That's the best they could come up with? Looking back on it now, it had to be a low point for DC.

Anyway, if you choose to view this as a paid advertisement, consider this: I don't care. I got me a free pair of pinhole glasses, and you didn't.

Besides, they've done wonders for my piano playing.

You've got the right one baby!

Uh huh.

* When I was a kid, I always thought they were called mulatto cookies.


  1. throw your head back, smile, and rock left to right....Yeah man, cool, Just like Ray Charles.

  2. Very Risky Business.

  3. That's weird on many levels.
    - Why send it to a humorous blog for a write up?
    - Why target a US based blog to market what is obviously a novelty item manufactured in Italy?
    - Why dear GOD WHY?
    - Why go looking for reviews in the first place?

    Just... weird.

  4. Even more scary is the more expensive item on their site
    The Acupuncture Massager, which looks like a large pair of plastic goggles.
    Acupuncture... on the eyes... THE HORROR!
    Although, perhaps with that treatment, you'd no longer need the glasses, you'd have the same effect looking through your own eyelids...
    The interesting thing about the acupuncture device is that on the product description page above, it mentions a whole bunch of problems people experience with their eyes, but without mentioning how exactly the device fixes any of these, ro what it does.

  5. Anonymous3:02 AM

    I joined humor blogs so I could vote for you. However, I keep getting this snotty little message: "Ok, we get it. You like 15 Minute Lunch. Why don't you try rating something else now?"

    I've sent them a message saying that I haven't found another blog that entertains me and moves me as much as yours does...

  6. CM - I KNOW! Those things look like they'd gouge your eyes out. And they're $125! Jesus.

    Alice, I slid across the floor in my underwear just this morning.

    Sandra, thanks!

  7. I think he got the name wrong.

    I'm thinking "Pinhead Glasses" would be a better fit.

  8. Anonymous9:42 AM

    Their R&D department must be packed with eclipse freaks.

  9. Anonymous10:26 AM

    gee I go over to the humor blogs, then I read other blogs and well . . . .

    it just cuts into my Ebay time, oh well is it lunch time yet ?

    hay don't drive with the new cool ray's there.
    don't need to read the 4th time I almost killed someone.

  10. Strangely, now I want a pair of pinhole glasses! Any mistakes I make I can say “I blame the pinhole!”.

    Also, regarding the comment you left on my blog, yeah right!
    You could read “HTML: The Definitive Guide” IN LATIN and you still wouldn’t be boring.

    They came out with a Black Canray Barbie. DC has sunk lower.

  11. Anonymous11:09 AM

    I think glasses that caused heads to explode would be regulated by the FDA.

    Well, now I know better.

  12. Hollywood from the movie "Mannequin" is so jealous right now. I am too, those glasses rock.

  13. Well, how many times can we vote for you??


  14. I LOVE milano cookies.

  15. Anonymous3:09 PM

    Wierdest thing ever, a few weeks ago I was visiting my grandma and she totally pulled out a pair of those and said something about them helping cataracts. We all tried them on and had the same head exploding problem you did!

  16. I love those glasses, but only because:

    1) You look Hawt in them JV; and,

    2) You wrote a post about them and now I don't have to see that scary pierced freak show at the top of your blog any more.

    Pinhole glasses forever!

  17. Quite a fashion statement. They'll be on the runway soon...

  18. Anonymous9:51 PM

    i click every time i visit although if you didn't ask i would forget. I'm not visiting your blog because i am wide awake and trawling for ideas. I visit because i just got home, i'm tired and i want to relax with your wit.

  19. Anonymous12:39 PM

    Did this guy just come up with these babies recently? I recall seeing commercials for them from K-Tel (or the like) years ago - you were supposed to progressively wear them and read, watch TV etc... for longer periods each day so that eventually you'd cured yourself of being near-sighted.

    When I was twelve, I sooo wanted those pin-hole glasses.

    Good God, there's even a Wiki reference for them...

  20. Anonymous2:23 PM

    Don't ask me why, but one of the most "popular" searches that has people hitting my blog is one for "eskimo sunglasses"


    My sis-in-law got me a pair while stationed on the Russian end of AK, and I love them, although they limit one's vision horrifically (HINT: do *not* attempt to drive while wearing them).

    For those who want to experience pinhole glasses without actually forking over the lyra to get a pair (pair of glasses, that is), you can recreate the effect by curling your index finger and clamping it down with your thumb, and peering through the really really small opening created by the curled index finger.

  21. Ray, I had a picture all doctored up, but didn't want to insult Ray.

    Badass, you obviously didn't see the file names of my jpgs.

    Daniel, I am pretty sure you would still go blind.

    ageek, you will never hear about that time. It's for the best.

    Bee, I will give you mine. Black Canary barbie? Ugh. At least the comic heroine 'proportions' will be right.

    Sinister dan, it's all a plot. All of it.

    MyFireAnt - You can vote for each post. I think once per day or something. I don't really know.

    Carolyn, don't make me photoshop the glasses onto that tattooed pierced freak and make it my new picture. Cuz I will.

    sassy, trust me, they will be walking off the edge of the runway unless the lights are very, very bright.

    Kristina, I think they've been around forever.

    Colin, thanks. I was wondering where it went. It's over at your place drinking beers.

    Wry Mouth, you're a teacher, right? How did I know?

  22. Johnny,

    You never told us the important part.

    Like where we get them, how many hundreds of dollars they are, and who will take my VISA number exactly right now so I can have a pair overnighted by Fed Ex!


  23. Anonymous11:28 PM

    Quality time and rarely without a quip or two. Clean too.

  24. "the overall experience is probably pretty close to being knocked unconscious and waking up trapped inside of an air hockey table." made me laugh out loud.

  25. LOL. I'm begging you no...

  26. Maybe I'm crazy, but in that pic, you look like Jim Halpert from "The Office", JV ....... that's a compliment!! Jim is HOT!

  27. about the milano/ mulatto cookies- totally made sense when I thought about it.
    mmm cookies.