LotusFear 2005: The Lost Episodes Volume II

I am going on a shitload of roller coasters this week. Last night we got to ride the Universal Hulk coaster in the front car. That was pretty sweet. We figured that way nobody could puke on us, but then someone pointed out that with all the loops involved, if we timed it right we could probably puke on ourselves. I didn't even go on the doctor doom ride, because all it does is drop you from a hundred feet. I have to say that after jumping out of a plane last year, the “we drop you fast” rides aren't what they used to be. Compared to 13,500, a couple of stories doesn't seem like much.

Tonight we also ate at a place that serves those disgusting smoked turkey legs. The entire restaurant smelled like a bad combination of hotdogs, beer and vomit. Basically, it smelled like college.

My ex-boss, one of our crew this week, is the slowest eater I've ever seen. Anywhere. I've seen food decompose at a faster rate than he eats. I have no idea when his last hot meal was, because it almost has to be cold by the time he's halfway through. He managed to gnaw on a smoked turkey leg for about 40 minutes last night at dinner.

That got me thinking of an invention for slow eaters. My laptop is old, and the battery gets hotter than hell even when it's on standby. It can stay hot for hours. I was thinking that a dedicated dinner plate warmer for slow eaters could incorporate some sort of rechargeable lithium ion base that would function as a portable warmer. You could just charge it up, carry it with you, and when your meal came, you would just place the plastic or china plate on the warmer, and you're good to go. It would stay warm for the duration. What do you think?

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