My first thought was of Inigo Montoya. "You keep using that word - abstinence. I do not think it means what you think it means."
To give you the gist of it, the study involved 14,000 young people who were tested for chlamydia, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis. I don't even know what that last one is, but it sounds like something you get from eating undercooked pork.
The funniest reason the researchers gave for their odd results was that the survey respondents "may have simply forgotten that they had sex."
I suppose it's technically possible to be so drunk or wasted that you don't remember having sex, but when I was a young adult, I got laid so infrequently that wasn't something that really slipped my mind, regardless of my level of intoxication. When I actually succeeded in having sex, I walked around for weeks afterward, remembering it with amazing clarity and detail. I always managed to remain STD-free so I guess I led a pretty sheltered life.
When I first saw the headline on this next one, I thought, "Big Deal. Some people like to do that kind of shit when they're on spring break."
But no, he really tripped and fell. In actual acid. The kind that eats flesh and bone. Two hundred gallons of sulfuric acid spilled because a "pipe broke during delivery to the casino."
First of all, WTF? Why is the casino having vats of acid delivered? Is that how the get rid of people who can't cover their gambling debts? Maybe it's how they keep people from swimming in the fountains. I have no idea. Second of all, I can't believe the story just sort of glossed over that bit. They write the story like, "Oh yeah, everyone knows about the tanker truck acid deliveries. That's not news."
OK, I'm off to Google it so I can sleep tonight.
p.s. - if you are one of the wonderful people who bought my book, I'd love it if you could post a review on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or GoodReads. Thanks!