Chain, Chain, Chain....Chain of Fools.

I hate e-mail chain letters. Since I've worked in IT practically all of my professional career, (ok, just for the sake of argument, let's pretend for the duration of this post that I'm a professional and that I have a career) I've seen just about *every* e-mail ever forwarded to anyone since the day personal computers were invented.

They all annoy me, but for different reasons. Mostly I hate the ones that I've seen ten times, no matter how funny they are, but I also hate the ones that attempt to tug on the recipient's heart strings, or faith strings, or superstition strings. I will confess to getting a kick out of it when someone forwarded me my own JC Penney post, though. That was unexpected and pretty funny.

Sometimes, if the info in the forward is false or incorrectly attributed, I'll respond with a link to Snopes, or reference some other web site in an attempt to educate the person who sent me the stupid thing. My other pet peeve with these things is that I really, really, really hate links that automatically start playing music, especially when music isn't mentioned anywhere in the e-mail. One minute you're sitting there minding your own business, the next thing you know, Celine Dion is crapping in your ears.

One of my coworkers constantly gets religious and patriotic e-mail forwards from one of her friends or relatives -- I can't remember which -- and she takes great delight in sending them to me if they are extra religious-y, because she knows if there's one thing I love, it's having someone else's feel-good religious views in my face. (Even if said views are of my own religion.)

For instance, here's one she sent me today that combines religion, government, music and the reading speed of a 4th grader:

To: Johnny Virgil
From: coworker

Subject: This is really awesome!

ANDREA BOCELLI...this is awesome


When the screen fills up with words, then the words tumble to the bottom and new words start up again at the top of the screen.


Because I don't like to click on stuff like this from my work PC, I sent it to my home address. Later that night, I clicked on the link, listened to the song and read along until glowing Jesus made his appearance. After that happened, all I could think about was this:

I'm pretty sure that was the gist of the message, anyway.

Also, I should totally make that into a T-shirt.


  1. i'm pretty much with you on the chain-email crap.

    i'd buy that t-shirt...and i love Jesus.

  2. It's like a variety show of chain mail. It's got everything. I only wish the Jesus thing blinked off and on. Or maybe morphed red, white and blue.

  3. It is odd when your own stuff comes back to you as a chain email. Something I wrote in grad school and posted on Usenet (that long ago) took all of three days for a friend to forward it back to me with a "have you seen this?" message. It's now on a lot of web pages and even got plagiarized by the Washington Post, for which I received a nice apology. I never copyrighted it, though, so I just count it as flattery and move on.

    I'd definitely buy the shirt, too.

  4. I'm surprised that my father hasn't sent me this email. He's forever sending me crap like that. I usually am too scared to click the links in them because his computer is usually infected with one virus or another that I'm certain he got from indiscriminately clicking links in strange emails. That being said, these aren't all bad. One day I got a really funny one about an old JC Penney catalog...

  5. Would the T-shirt be glow in the dark?

    I'll take a large.


  6. Johnny - thanks for making my day...once again.

  7. Johnny - Must be a common sentiment. I blogged about those miserable "ooooh...this is scary" forwards a while back.

    Cheers from Upstate

  8. I used to get flooded with those messages as well, specifically from one person. I then set up a rule to "accidentally" (automatically) delete all messages from her. For some reason I don't hear from her anymore, and no longer get her forwards. I wonder why? ;) Granted tougher for you to do with a coworker though...

  9. Every day Reader10:05 AM

    I like the sentiments in the email but I don't know who has that kind of time at work to read something that long.
    Where I work, we have to delete chain letters and our time on the internet is limited (and watched). It really makes you kind of paranoid about the content you're looking at.

  10. Yeah, we are heavily policed at work as well. Usually she just sends me the worst of the worst for their humor value, so instead of deleting it like I do for 99% of all the chainmail crap I receive at work, I actually send it home and watch it later.

  11. Yes. Glow in the dark xray view of J.C.'s bones superimposed on the picture. in 5 different neon colors. Size L.



  12. "One world government"? I'm reading 1984 right now and that fits right in. Also, anything that uses Texarkana as an example...I'm done. The t-shirt, though, is a winner. It should totally be a glow in the dark one!

  13. Anonymous4:57 PM

    Please say it's glow in the dark!

    Then I'll need to order like six...maybe eight. I'm atheist in a religious family and I have a sick sense of humor when it comes to Christmas presents.


  14. Please to the 25th power make that a t-shirt! I love Andrea Bocelli and the MoTab, but I couldn't make it through because of the letter at a time typing. Hot pokers to the eyes~

    My captcha is "hersicks." Which begs the question her sicks what on whom?

  15. I used to be annoyed by all the crap my father sends me, but then I decided to view his spam as a ping that lets me know he's alive and at least well enough to operate the computer.

    And people say my family lacks communication skills...

  16. I used to feel left out when everyone else I knew was getting chain letters and I wasn't. Oh, how naive I was.

  17. "I don't care if it rains or freezes.
    'long as I got my "purple" Jesus,
    ridin' on the dashboard of my car,

    I can go a hunnered miles an hour,
    'long as I got almighty power...

  18. Dilapidus11:44 PM

    Never mind the shirt. You have made the most beautiful sentence in the English language this week :

    "One minute you're sitting there minding your own business, the next thing you know, Celine Dion is crapping in your ears."

  19. KidSister12:07 AM

    I am a Christian, but there isn't anything that bugs me more than "Christian" chain letters... especially when they try to guilt you into reading them ("if you don't read this, then you don't really believe...") or claim that if you say the prayer written under the animated picture of heavenly clouds, a pot of gold will show up on your front door.

    They also call me "snoop" at work because I will search snopes for every chain email I get and reply to all with the snopes link. 95% of them are all false, the rest have a smidgen of truth. Uggg can you tell I hate chain emails too???

  20. KidSister12:08 AM

    Does anyone still get chain letters through snail mail or are people too lazy for that now?

    I have always wanted to create my own chain email just to see if it comes back to me. LOL!

  21. Anonymous2:58 PM

    yeah, beware the "Glurge" - my least favorite of chain mails...

    (Look up on Snopes if you're not familiar w/ the term)

  22. Anonymous6:13 PM

    I think you should start a line of products and sell them on your site. Stealth Jesus tshirts would be a big seller I'm sure of it, especially if they glow in the dark. I'd need at least 4 and I have other friends that would want them as Christmas gifts too.

    This reminds me of the Big Butter Jesus song. If you haven't heard it, go to youtube. The statue in the video was struck by lightening and burned a couple of months ago. Soon all of us who laughed at it will experience the same fate I'm sure.

  23. Chris, I kept waiting for that to happen too!

    David, wow! Where is it? I'd like to stea--er, read it.

    Jen, you're right -- I thought about that after I posted the link, so I went out to some sites and checked it to make sure it wasn't malicious. That's all I have to do -- infect everyone with a virus.

    Ed, I would make it fiber optic if I could.

    Wayward son, I think everyone probably hates them. Carry on. (sorry, couldn't resist)

    Patty, you're entirely welcome.

    Sean, she knows I hate them, and she does too, so when she gets a good one she likes to share the pain.

    YFA, holy bones? Nice.

    Sisu, I know, it was horrible, wasn't it? I kept wanting to pull the words out of my screen.

    BAG, what's your email address?

    Theresa B, good point. I'd rather have a phone call though.

    Mickey, I haven't heard that song in forever!

    Kidsis, I think they're too lazy. You had to invest time and money into that.

    Anon1, yes the glurge is evil.

    Anon2, maybe I will make my riches one irreverent Tshirt at a time.....

  24. Anonymous8:22 AM

    I usually get the ones which are a petition against something really bad like a baby eating serial rapist being released saying that they need 1 million signatures.

    My girlfriend who can be a bit gullible used to get all the made up scare story e-mails and send them to me to vet for her. I would usually manage to allay her fears. I think the most recent one was a story about people handing you a business card soaked in hyoscine, waiting for you to pass out then raping you/robbing you/harvesting your kidneys etc.

  25. I think I've got some people who are either OCD or suffering Alzheimer’s , since they keep sending the same email-chain crap over and over and over and over and over and over......

  26. Ditto what your first commenter Melissa said--I'm totally with you on the email chains. I've offended so many people by responding in a way that implies they're a moron people have learned not to send them to me. I actually have a good story about researching emails before you forward that I posted to my blog a couple of years ago--evidence for why checking stuff out is so important!


    Oh, and that would be an awesome shirt too. :)

  27. Matt M7:22 PM

    Off topic: JV-Great spoof on Diesel with the trademark comment (see mattresspolice.com)!! I got quite the response, that is if it was you...

  28. Yeah, that was me. I figured he would know right away, but I guess I caused quite a stir!

  29. LOVE the t-shirt idea! :-)

  30. I completely agree...those damn things are so damn annoying!

    Follow my blog if you'd like: http://30somethingworkaholic.blogspot.com/

  31. I swear...I think you're my male-version-of-a-twin. Those chain mails that always either self-combust all your hopes and dreams in 1 hour if you don't forward it to 20 ppl, or the ones that show the smiling guy standing in 2 feet of ocean water with a great white snuggling right behind him (*GASP! I KNOW!*) drive me bonkers. I keep a permanent link to Snopes (remember when it was urban legends?) and have to constantly send the "false rumor" pages to my dad. Yikes...hasn't anyone ever heard of Photoshop??

  32. I would like that tshirt, and I want to wear it to the next night time protest by the Westboro Babtist Church. I think the Jesus loves everybody sign says it all. But I can't help thinking this shirt would add a little extra zing


  33. giggle giggle snort...I totally hear ya...I HATE chain mail...especially the ones that warn of doom and gloom if you don't forward them...ugh...

    Glowing Jesus t-shirt...totally rocks...

  34. Mmm, this could also work as J.C nightlight. May he watch over you always...while you sleep...while you eat...in the shower...


  35. My mother is infamous for sending me forwards, especially ones that I don't care about. The latest one was a religious themed one of "God's Hands" in the clouds after a storm. A quick search on Snopes revealed this to not only be a photoshopped picture, but it was originally a picture of a guy stretching his ass. I made sure to inform her of her mistake. Here is the snopes link if you want a good laugh!