8/23/08

Zuma Nesta Rock.

So Gwen Stephani named her new kid Zuma Nesta Rock. Why would you do that to a poor innocent child? Why? It's a boy, by the way -- not that you can actually tell by the name. Here is a list of things you could describe using this name that would make more sense:

1. It could be a beautiful backpacking destination. "Yes, we're hiking in Peru this summer. The view from Zuma Nesta Rock at sunset is dazzling this time of year."

2. Or maybe it's an alcoholic beverage. "What'll you have?" "A Zuma Nesta Rock, please." I think it's Zima mixed with Red Bull and tea over ice.

3. A new musical style. "Hey mon, play some Zuma Nesta Rock." It probably sounds like an odd combination of slash metal and reggae, played over African beats.

4. A geographical feature on the moon. "Zuma Nesta Rock can be found 20 kilometers northwest of the Sea of Tranquility."

One thing it's not the name of, and that's a baby boy. Plus it makes everyone think that the father is Dwayne Johnson. Silly rock stars. Here's the official explanation, if you're wondering.

37 comments:

  1. At first, I thought the title of the post was Zuma Nesta *Rocks,* and I actually thought it would be about a liquor.

    That expert is cracked. All this "proves decisively" is that celebrities are in a battle with each other to come up with the weirdest name. And why do we need a Rock Hudson revival? Surely the original was enough.

    Although, your own parents were pretty creative. "Houdini" is not a common name! :-)

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  2. Anonymous9:28 PM

    Zuma is a great game I play on the computer.

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  3. Typical for the entertainment industry group. Look at the name Gwyneth Paltrow gave one of hers, Apple.

    Guess they are waiting for the day when Zuma is the new John. Why people feel the need to reinvent the wheel is beyond me.

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  4. Oh well, he'll grow up to be a CEO somewhere, and change his name to Bob.

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  5. I guess it's a good thing he didn't have his epiphany at the beach a little further down the coast from Zuma named, Bolsa Chica...the kid could have been Bolsa Chica Nesta:-)

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  6. To me it sounds like some kind of venereal disease. Sir you have Zuma Nesta of the Rocks and Here's your prescription of penicillin.

    Celebrities are weird...

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  7. Reiven4:19 AM

    Zuma Nesta, the laxative tea that doesn't make you wait! It Rocks!

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  8. It's a stupid name, period.

    Jeez, even "Apple" or "Bluebell" or "Pilot Inspektor" are better than this.

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  9. Despite who they are, their kid is now doomed to a world of teasing on the playground.

    Bet he changes his name or asks that people call him something like 'Tom'.

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  10. Laura1:20 PM

    No Disney plates for his tricycle.

    When will they realize it's not about them, it's about their child.

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  11. Zuma Nesta...sounds like one of those fancy bottled waters to me.

    CMA

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  12. I think it's a secret celebrity contest to make up the dumbest names for kids. And these celebrities certainly are talented.

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  13. I think it's a secret celebrity contest to make up the dumbest names for kids. And these celebrities certainly are talented.

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  14. Zuma ... could have been Zima, which Gewn was drunk on when they conceived.

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  15. So two of the whitest people ever needed to throw the Bob Marley thing in why, exactly? Un peu de poseur, anyone?

    Also, I doubt there will be much in the way of playground beatings since he will no doubt attend a highly selective private school populated by lots of other kids with famous parents and dipshit names.

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  16. I am sorry there is no cure for the Zuma Nesta Rock, but I can prescribe something to ease the pain…

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  17. I'm going with the beverage description, because I keep thinking the Nesta is Nestea. But that being said I kind of like it. His friends will all call him Zuma which will seem normal after about a week (like Uma or Keanu).

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  18. I didn't think anybody could top "Moon Unit" and "Dweezil", but those were Frank Zappa's kids... Could we have expected any less from the guy who brought us the Mud Shark?

    And surely a Rock Hudson-inspired festival must be a sign of the Apolcalypse. It must be.

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  19. I was waiting for somebody to blog about this!

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  20. The poor kids initials are going to read like a radion station.

    Thank you for tuning in to W-ZNR, the ONLY station for continuous light rock.

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  21. I hate it when you hear about someone naming their kid a name that leaves you wondering, "Zuma WHAT?! Jeez...is that a noun, verb or adjective?! And were your parents drunk, silly or a combination?"

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  22. This kind of celebrity nonsense has been going on for quite some time. Remember Dweezil and Moon Unit?

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  23. i don't understand what is wrong with just plain old normal names and letting the child make "a name" for themselves...it isn't the name that is going to define him ffs..i just don't get it...years of scrutiny and name calling for what? satisfaction that the parents came up with the most screwed up name they could?

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  24. Am I the only one who thinks it's a great name? I'd much rather be called Zuma than boring old normal Tiggy.

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  25. Ah...insanity explained. Thank you.

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  26. I am so glad to have this definitive explanation of the baby’s name from the dependable source of Ms. Satran. BTW, this is an unfortunate and obviously dyslexic misspelling of her real name, Saturn, which is also her home base planet. It’s such a comfort to have fine resources like US Magazine.

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  27. the official explanation? "we're pompous assholes."

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  28. We're going to the Zume Nesta Rock Falls next summer. I can't wait.

    PS. I'm in love with your sense of humor.

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  29. Wonder if they tatooed the poor kid too.

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  30. this is crazy and people thought Apple and Moses was weird

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  31. I have to pipe in again. Last March my wife and I were in La Quinta, CA for a convention. We stayed at the La Quinta Resort and Spa. While we were there, we ran into Gavin and Gwen.

    How we recognized it was them was my wife recognized the stroller. Yes, the stroller a Ziko Gold stroller only one of 10 made, and my wife read that on Perez Hilton’s blog.

    If you need to be the center of attention to have a $1,000.00 gold stroller, you shouldn’t be surprised about the name.

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  32. Anonymous7:01 PM

    get over it.
    no one is saying you have to name your child Zuma :)

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  33. They are certainly free to name their children whatever they want, just as I am free to ridicule their ridiculous names. I think you need to kick back and enjoy an ice cold Zuma Nesta.

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  34. Some parents hate their kids. I used to work in the public library (USA), and some of the names parents gave their kids were just BEGGING for smirks, kicks, and laughs. SAD.

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  35. Zuma Nesta Rock is going to be a contender in the "Kid Most Likely to be Beaten Up at Recess" competition.

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  36. The band Skindred would be Zuma Nesta Rock!!!

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  37. Anonymous9:03 AM

    Actually, you should have said, "here's the explanation [for the name], if you care!"

    What idiots!

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