8/9/08

Random stuff.

Man, I can't believe an entire week has gone by already. Sometimes it seems like all I do is drive to work, work, drive home from work, eat, sleep and then do it all over again.

Before I write this week's "Sundays With Sylvia," I want to drop a few randoms on you. First, I have to tell you something I've discovered about myself.

I've discovered that when someone at work sends me an instant message because they require assistance from someone on our team, it's only because most of the other members of my team happen to be unavailable. I think I've figured out why that is.

Suppose you have a script that has been given the green light, and you've moved on to casting. If Matthew McConaughey, Christian Bale, Matt Damon, and the rest of the A-List stars have turned you down for the lead, one of your options might be to sigh heavily, mentally adjust your expectations for the film's gross receipts, and then go see if Christian Slater is out of money yet.

So, yeah. I'm Christian Slater.

I do have a few specialties, but when someone comes to me for assistance with an application or the server it resides on, I can virtually guarantee that it's either (a) before 7 am, (b) lunchtime, or (c) because everyone else is dead.

I think it might be time for me to give TV a shot.

Next on my list -- I saw this the other day:



WTF? How stupid do you have to be to actually need these directions? At some point were people using way too few napkins, and the napkin maker's cabal locked a bunch of napkinologists in an undisclosed, secure location and ordered them to get to the bottom of it? Did they then have a secret meeting in the napkin-cave and discuss ways to implement this brilliant plan to boost usage? I don't know.

I saw this and wondered about it, too:

It was on the bottle of dishwashing liquid. My main question is -- how do you know if it's working? I assume you'd just have to take their word for it, or have your own electron microscope.

Either way, I rest easier at night knowing that all my unseen food residue is being eliminated in both English and Spanish.

And speaking of food residue, this was in the foyer of my office building a while ago:

Yeah. It's a dental floss thingy, complete with meat chunk. Who drops crap like this? Probably the same people who leave their nail clippings on the table in the cafeteria. Luckily, I didn't get you a picture of that.

That's all I have for now. I'll be back a little later with Sylvia. That gives you lots of time to click that little HB button at the bottom of this post. You guys need to move me out of third place. It smells funny down here.

PS - Is it just me or does anyone else wonder why the hell Brian Williams wears so much eye makeup? He looks like a french whore half the time. Jesus.




11 comments:

  1. WTF is up with the floss!?!?! I would have tossed my cookies when I saw the meat chunk. BLECH!

    Oh...and thanks for saving us the visual on the nail clippings. The mental picture is nasty enough.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Given the previews I saw the other night, it might not be so bad to be Christian Slater these days. A) he still looks hot, and B) he's got a new show on NBC where he plays a mild-mannered cubicle dweller who also happens to be a violent hit man. You could make your co-workers guess "which one you are today"....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha.

    That dental floss made me cringe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The napkin dispenser reminds me of Pizza Hut's Wing Street commercial in which they advertise buffalo wings: boneless, bone-in, or original. I get boneless. I get bone-in. What is (or is not) in the original?

    Can't wait to hear what Sylvia has to offer today . . . after 3 kids, I am seriously tempted to give a few of those body revisions a try - they certainly can't make it look any worse.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for giving me lots to ponder on this lazy Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  6. WHAT ?
    You mean to tell me that Brian Williams is NOT a French Whore?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Damnit! Now I have to Google who Brian Williams is. I hate pop cultural references.

    ReplyDelete
  8. EWWWW on the floss thingy, seriously, don't people know who to use a trash can anymore? Just wanted to let you know that I've upgraded my version of windows and disabled script and I'm still getting runtime errors on your page (still 73 of them. Honest, I counted).

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think it might be the humor blogs stuff. I may have to strip it out until Diesel gets the database under control. I'm still not seeing the errors though.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Either way, I rest easier at night knowing that all my unseen food residue is being eliminated in both English and Spanish."

    My dish soap doesn't say that, so I'm now switching to paper plates ...

    As for the flosser and people who leave their grossness behind, I had a discussion today with a coworker about walking to the subway in the morning and seeing various beverage bottles, all filled with yellowish liquid ... while the people (men, I'm guessing) who leave this are at least considerate enough to fill a bottle rather than peeing against someone's wall, they are apparently too lazy to carry their sample to the nearest garbage can or dumpster. Yick.

    ReplyDelete
  11. On the Ivory dish soap bottle it says on the label

    "HARD ON GREASE"

    I hope no one misunderstood the purpose.

    ReplyDelete