CBH - Live! at the House of Blues.

Sometimes when I am searching for pictures on the web for particular blog posts, I will stumble on something completely different. With "safe search off," the resulting picture can be so disturbing that it defies description, and of course from that moment on I will obsess about ways to describe it.

During my last foray out into the world of Google, here's what I discovered. It turns out there's these things called "reborn dolls" which are, without a doubt, among the creepiest fucking things I've ever seen. Go search Google for "reborn dolls." I'll wait.

Hi. Welcome back. I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking:

(a) Holy shit!
(b) There is no effing way that's not a real baby.
(c) Is that a fake booger? No, I think it's just something on the picture.
(d) How do I convert pounds to dollars again? Is it twice as much or half as much? Goddammit I hate math.
(e) I love google.
(f) Someone paid over four thousand dollars for that?
(g) No, I'm pretty sure it IS a fake booger.
(h) Holy shit!

I build furniture, and intricate work fascinates me, so I can completely appreciate the amount of sheer amazingness involved here, but tell me I'm not alone in thinking this is one tiny step away from some sort of horrifying baby taxidermy. I realize there are some weird hobbies out there, but for the love of all that is holy, please stop stuffing babies.

Also, I can almost guarantee that the type of person who would buy such a thing is completely incapable of buying just one. No, this type of person will have a house full of these fake babies, in all manner of poses, reclining around the house in strategic places, all designed to provide maximum viewing potential at all times.

I find the mere thought of that to be so creepy that I probably won't sleep tonight.

There is no way you can look at this doll and not be absolutely positive there is a factory somewhere in China with a stack of cloned babies, a vat of quick-drying latex, and a bunch of cardboard boxes with "Fragile: USA" stamped on the side.

All creepiness aside, I will be the first to admit that if they didn't cost 4 grand, one of these bad boys could come in handy. In fact, I was just telling someone at work the other day that if I ever get laid off from my current job and manage to find another, this time I am going to plan ahead. Before my first day, I'm hitting Target and buying some frames, preferably ones with pictures of kids already in them. Then I will put them on my desk and lie my ass off.

Yes, I will pretend to have kids, because -- let's face it -- based on all available evidence, kids are an incredible excuse to either stay home from work, or leave work early. Having one of these dolls would allow you to create some really convincing photo ops, is all I'm saying. Eventually people would probably wonder why your kid wasn't growing and was always asleep in your pictures and then social services would get involved and it wouldn't end well for anyone, but until that happened, you'd be on easy street.

"I have to leave early to pick up my kid from daycare."
"I can't come in today because my kid has strep throat."
"I'm going to be late. My kid shoved something up his nose again."
"Yeah, I won't be in the office for a few days, my kid's paint is flaking off."

There's a million variations on this theme, and I've seen them all in use, with the possible exception of that last one. (As an aside, I am also thinking about taking up smoking, or at least taking up standing outside and holding a cigarette, because from what I can see these folks get about 15 minutes out of every hour off, and who couldn't use that?)

I know, I know -- I dream big, but the simple fact remains that I would be my own worst enemy, and my charade would probably last about three days because even as I write this I am thinking "Man, if they didn't cost 4 grand, I would totally have one riding shotgun on my ski rack right now."

So to make a long post longer, since I'm in a hotel room in Scranton trying to digest a filet that was (coincidentally) the size of a small child, let me tell you how I found out about these bizarre creations.

I can't even remember what image search I did that turned up this picture, but it definitely didn't have anything to do with what you're all probably thinking:

Upon seeing it, I became curious as to what sort of android creature they were building, and found myself on a site that detailed how you, too, can stuff babies for fun and profit.

Let me warn you, some of these pictures may scar you for the rest of your life -- or at least for the rest of this post.

First, to root the fake hair, you apparently must jab the baby-thing in the head with a giant needle, thusly:

When you are half-way done, you will have this demon-monk baby head:

Don't stare at it too long, or you will be forced to do its evil bidding, and I am not even kidding. (Between you and me, I think I may have killed a drifter earlier.)

Apparently, they are also totally customizable. If you don't like the color of the eyes, you can change them. Take little Mr. Blue Eyes here:

Obviously, the first horrifying thing you do is cut out the existing eyes.

I am still having nightmares where I wake up and that disembodied head is floating above my bed making a noise that sounds like "pshwwwsshwwwwhhhwwwwssssshssssshshshsssswwww."

Then, after you calm down and pop a Xanax or three, you simply goop up the replacement eyes and jam them in:

Voila! Your very own Creepy Baby Head:

I'm not even going to get into describing what a bag full of arms and legs looks like, but if you're interested in this particularly disturbing art form, you can get most of your natal appendage needs met here -- the site from which these pictures were shamelessly stolen.

Enjoy your night. If you can.

ps - My next band is totally going to be called CreepyBabyHead.


  1. Lord jesus!

    My deepest, most primal nightmares have been about these half-body vampire things that my Filipino grandpa says used to fly around my crib.

    I am sure they have been supplanted by these terrifying babies of Satan.

    Thanks for fucking with my subconcious, grampa and Johnny.

  2. WTF?!?

    Imagine ordering a "kit" and pulling the parts out of the box, unwrapping them one by one... aiiieeee!

    Someone actually teaches classes on how to do this. Un-f'n-believeable.

    I think my bowels just moved, and not in a good way. Excuse me.

    I'll see you in dream hell tonight, I'm sure.

  3. Good Lord!

    Thanks, Johnny!

    I'm never reading your blog again...Okay, well I'll come back when you post next, but I'm never, ever scrolling down. That is creepy...just...creepy.

  4. Can you imagine the face of the US Customs dude who opens the incoming package from Britain?

    I wonder if the wax was real hot when she cast the original mold. I'm surprised the brows aren't more furrowed.

  5. I think you just gave my 11 year old nightmares.

    Or possibly gave him a whole new hobby to pursue. Either way, he was horrified and fascinated in about equal degrees.

  6. Hey, some people fiddle with Excel spreadsheets from 9 to 5, others tack bizarre mohair wigs and wispy baby lashes on queer, tiny humanoid dolls.

    No judgments.

  7. Oh my God! I nearly threw up (Lloyd Christmas-style) when I saw that stuffed ebay baby! Even more sickening was how excited the person responsible for that monstrosity sounds in her description of it...

  8. I've got you covered. Check out eBay auction # 160212458570. It's made from the same mold, but someone else did the painting. Not as good, but you could definitely get some good pictures using it.

    Could you imagine strapping it to the ski rack and driving somewhere. I wonder how many times you'd get pulled over...

    I'd certainly donate a few bucks to get you one of these.

    ... wait a minute ... still browsing eBay.

    There is a whole freaking CATEGORY of these things! Oh my... we could get you enough of these things to fill a duffel bag. You also need to look through that category. There are some that are... less realistic is a nice way to say it. Another way would be "OH MY GOSH! Was your baby napalmed?!"

  9. Why do I have the feeling there is some wicked Social Services person in the UK taking away babies from unfit moms and then dipping them in the same thing that they used in "The Body Human" exhibit?

    Ew, ew, ew.

    I hate to tell this woman, but this baby looks dead.

  10. The fun that could be had! You could put it on a guy's doorstep (if married, even better) with a note: "I really wasn't on the pill."

  11. rita : )6:42 AM

    OH...MY...GAWD! what on earth are these horrid and freaky little creatures?!? the fact that i've always hated dolls - this just topped the cake. i don't think the words, "horrid" and "freaky" even describes this!

  12. Yeah... that doll looks a little too much like a dead baby. (Looking at it makes me feel really sad somehow, actually. )

    It's also a whole level of creepy I had only reserved for My Twin dolls up until now.

    I noticed you didn't comment on the folllowing:

    -filled with Safe babyfat & Faux fleece

    - Magnetic Dummy optional (at no extra charge)

    WTF??? safe babyfat? ummmmm.

  13. tracy,

    Would that vampire be an aswang?

  14. The stunts that you mentioned pulling with that fake baby reminded me of the Daddy and Baby segment from that show Jackass. You could totally F with people a whole lot worse than Johnny Knoxville did.
    All that aside, my aunt has a baby similar to that. She lays it on her bed and creaps us all the heck out! She is like 60 something and never had kids of hew own. Plus she is a little crazy. She holds it and stuff.

  15. Yes, that "Filled with Safe babyfat & Faux fleece" was freakier than the pictures. Real baby fat but false fleece? BTW, what is unsafe babyfat?

  16. ok - I looked at that thing and I am scarred for life now. It was like a trainwreck that I could not tear my eyes away from. Of course, I had to search further to see what other atrocities were out there and I found this http://cgi.ebay.com/WOW-Reborn-Baby-Boy-Not-Fake-Baby-Emily-Ashton-Drake_W0QQitemZ220204974034QQihZ012QQcategoryZ122723QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

    Now I must go bleach my eyes.

  17. Holy Hell, those things are bizarre! I can't imagine how incredibly sad and pathetic the demographic who buys those things are. Yowzers!

  18. So now I know there is such a thing as "too real."

    I'm glad I saw this in the morning so I can take the day to recover before I have to close my eyes to sleep tonight.

  19. Years ago I gave my daughter a glass picture frame that holds three pictures. She has never bothered to remove the pictures that came with the frame. Although she has a husband and two children I think she prefers the pictures that came in the frame. She displays this frame in, of all places, the guest bedroom. Talk about creepy.

  20. Holy Shit On A Stick!

    That is by far the creepiest thing I have ever seen.

  21. Even more creepy.... Whats wrong with their faces?

    Creepy babies!

  22. If you had one of these and one of those "real doll" women, you could have an entire family to blame stuff on and never work....

    and possibly be the strangest guy on the block.

  23. Years ago, shortly after we adopted our first daughter from China, my mother-in-law said that she was going to have a doll made that would look just like our daughter. She found some lady on the internet who had made look-alike dolls for celebrities, like one for Chelsey Clinton. I had to give my MIL several photos of my daughter so this lady could make the doll. I gave her a half dozen photos.

    Months later my MIL brings over this life-size doll and it looked NOTHING like my daughter. My daughter is Chinese with stick straight hair, and this doll had curly hair. My daughter has brown hair and the doll had deep black hair, plus the creepiest eyes with extremely long eyelashes.

    The doll creeped me out. There was no way I was keeping this thing. Chucky was less scary than this thing. I threw it in the trash (shhh....please don't tell my MIL).

  24. Angela10:12 AM

    OH MY GOD! I'm new to your blog Johnny, and I have to say you are one very funny man.

    But, WHY scare me so early in the AM? Though I must say, as a child-free individual who gets perturbed when one of my coworkers gets the day off for a "sick" child (and it's always on the beautiful days isn't it?)... I could use one of those myself... :-)

  25. rosie-b10:49 AM

    Some of those dolls come with a little thing-a-ma-bob inside that makes it look like they're breathing.
    They interviewed the creator of these things, but I can't find the video now. Part of her marketing plan was to take them to her local grocery store and ask people if they'd like to buy her baby. After completely freaking them out, she hands them a business card.
    I'll send a link if I can find it.

  26. rosie-b11:10 AM

    Found it.

  27. With one of these fake babies, I could drive in the carpool lane without the fear of getting another ticket!

  28. Okay, this makes me feel a little better about the "safe babyfat" comment.

    Q: What is babyfat that you put in her? It's not real fat is it? 09-Feb-08
    A: LOL, No definately not, Baby Fat is a specialist compound of Elastima, it is tiny very very soft pellets which really feel so soft. This product just gives the most realistic feel to the DOll you could imagine. Thanks for peeking, Love Ruth.x.

    My MIL has one of those dolls that stand in the corner so they look like they're in time out. And I thought THAT was creepy.


    All I can picture is a sterile psycho path owning one of these dolls and talking to this thing and rocking it and pretending to feed it. I don't know. It had a damn nookie in it's mouth!!

    I most closely identify with the option, "there is NO WAY that is not a real baby". Way too real.

    Also, thanks for that eye-less doll head with the freakiest looking hair I have EVER seen. i can't get it out of my mind.

  30. I've seen articles about people walking their squishy plastic dolls around in strollers... it's so jarring I don't quite have words.

    Also more than a little pathetic.

    The added uglification to make them look more like real infants is a great touch. Do they come in harelip?

    What the hell would you get with the magnetic dummy option? Could you just stick it to the car in that case? The fridge? Metal railings on overpasses? The possibilities are endless... worth looking into.

  31. Anonymous11:51 AM


    Also creepy - you don't even know it, but you are my friend.

  32. The safe baby fat comment made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

    What I'd like to do is get one of these and leave it on the front passenger seat, and occasionally hold it on my lap while I drive.

    I've always had a desire to pretend to be Britney Spears

  33. Definitely watch the TV programme Rosie B gave you to the link to. F-r-e-a-k S-h-o-w.

  34. Very...ummmm...interesting...yeah...that's it...interesting... :}

  35. Good Lord! I felt dirty looking at that site . . . like I was looking at someone's dead baby. Seriously taking a sleeping pill tonight to ward off nightmares about that thing!

    And, I am so glad to hear that I am not the only person who has thought about taking up smoking as an excuse for taking a 15-minute break every hour! WTF?! I pissed off a boss big time once by pointing out to her that my break may have carried over by 5-minutes, but I only get one a night - she would run through a pack in a 12-hour shift.

  36. kristina12:46 PM

    Totally. fucking. creepy.

    Thanks for adding to my nightmares, man...

  37. This is even freakier than that home video of Pat Robertson giving RuPaul a foot rub.

  38. Mine went more like...

    a) Holy shit!
    b) Dead baby replicas?
    c) Who the hell would buy...?
    d) Those creepy women with 100's of precious moments figurines and porcelain shoes that's who.
    e)This is too expensive to just leave on the bed.
    f)Hmm maybe take it to a park or grocery and start bitch slapping it....

    It alarms even me, how quickly I can go from disgust to; how can I use this to disgust others?

  39. Hey, JV -

    Ironically someone just posted to my blog about "another" type of real doll....

    this is not safe to open at work..


    Incredibly life-like in all ways - wink-wink.


  40. WOW! COngrats, you seem to have a cyber stalker (anonymous comment above)

    I laughed until i pulled something...

    I agree with crazymanandy: the creepiest part of it all is the enthusiasm with which the woman describes the baby that "feels so real you might find yourself rocking [Baby Evie] in your arms..."

    I have to go shower and hug my living breathing child now...

    dead babies, get thee behind me!

  41. OK, I just laughed myself sick. There were tears coming down my cheeks, and the other people in my office are looking over at me again.

    I'm waiting to recover so I can go back and look at your post before last again. It made me split a gut.

    Thanks. Your blog's better than sun.


  42. OK, fine everybody. Go ahead and be all creeped out by the freakazoid doll. But you're all missing the bigger picture. The real horror revealed itself about half way through the post with this quote:

    "I'm in a hotel room in Scranton

  43. You just HAD to put the link to the page didn't you. No I'm not capable of NOT clicking the link so don't even go there.

    They have these things with OPEN EYES!! (looks over my shoulder)

    I'm so creeped out.


  44. oh god... "it's stuffed with real baby fat" I mean, it's just all so horrible.

    But also, on man -- my head is SPINNING with all the pranks I could pull with this thing. I do a freakishly awesome fake newborn baby cry. It's my one weird talent in life.
    ...I could SERIOUSLY screw with other people's heads with one of those "reborns".

    (and final sidenote, WTF does "reborn" mean?? I think it means it really is a dead baby dipped in wax.)

  45. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

    I am going to stop at the packy on the way home and buy a couple of bottles of their finest Brain Bleach.

  46. Holy Crap. I can't stop shaking my head. I have no idea what I was just looking at. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you just write a post about dolls that are made to look exactly like real babies? Snot and all?

    The part that freaks me out the most is the name. Reborn babies? What the hell does that mean? Were they born once already? Yuuuuck.

    Thanks for the impending cold sweats and nightmares.

    btw - I'm starting the design on the CBH t-shirts tonight. Rock on.

  47. um yeah. totally creep fest. With the name reborn, I would almost wonder if this started out as like a memorial type of thing, like someone's infant died, and they had a doll made so that they would never forget their baby? I mean that's still totally creepy,but maybe that's where the name came from...
    and by the way, thanks for the pic with no eyes, I'm gonna be seeing that in my sleep for day. ick

  48. So I am sitting here in Caribou Coffee trying to work on a big paper that's due next week, and for some reason I think to myself, "hey I should check 15 minute lunch". The next thing I know, I am sitting here trying to make sure nobody can see the creepy babies on my computer screen, and trying to stop laughing because people are starting to stare at me.

    I also want to suggest that you either take up smoking or buy a fake $4k baby. Because, obviously, smoking isn't good for the baby. Those things look highly flammable.

    One more thing: today I discovered the site willitblend.com where a guy puts things like a golf club or 6 lighters or maybe a football in a blender and then asks the question "Will it blend?" (The answer is pretty much always yes) Naturally, that is the question that popped into my head upon seeing these fake babies:

    Will it blend?

  49. Sarah9:24 PM

    Great! Clowns, snakes and now creepy head babies and way too realisitic looking baby dolls. Thanks for the nightmares.

  50. Sweet Jesus, I shouldn't have read this before going to bed. I would rather be stuck in Scranton for months than EVER have to see those pictures again (and I'm from PA!). I think that woman needs pscyhiatric help - ASAP!

    I do like the idea of using one to screw with people, but would have to hide it in a concrete wall or something 'cause NO WAY that thing is out and visible in my house! It might wake up and attack me...

    I feel the need to share this with someone to lessen the creepy, but I don't have any enemies I hate that much.

  51. That was incredibly creepy.

    What the hell is Safe babyfat?

    I must wash my eyes with lye now.

  52. EEEEEWWWWWWWW and did I mention EEEWWWWWWW??

    I cannot decide which is creepier, the fact that these dead baby look-alikes exist or that PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT THESE creepazoid things.

    I thought the freeze-drying of your dead pet in the pose of your choice was bad...Now that I think about it, this is probably the same demographic.

    I totally agree with the "too real" comment. I showed the ebay pictures to people at work and they were all "Ohhhh, isn't that a cute baby" and then I dropped on them it was a doll- that was FUN to see their warmth turn to confusion turn to revulsion turn to "How can we use one of these to freak people out" in the span of about 20 seconds. We are all evil.

    Thanks Johnny

    Should even try sleeping?

  53. Connie, the one named "Caitlin" looks like Walter Matthau.

    Country Roads, it's too late for that.

    Susan, I remember seeing those on Stern....weird. And also not cheap.

    Anonymous, Yes you are right. That is creepy. And since I don't have that many friends, welcome aboard. Just don't make me get a restraining order, OK? Thanks.

    Lon, thanks man, but I'm all set.

    Jonah, that made me laugh out loud.

    Tracy, remind me to never research Filipino legends.

    Carolyn, I'm also working on my band shirt design. Sweet.

  54. like someone else said, my first thought when i saw the doll was that it was a baby who had died! how sad! it has left me a little uneasy...

    i think it's TOO realistic - superb job from the artist's point of view, but way too creepy!

  55. Katie3:50 PM

    I just saw something on some tv show about a woman who makes these -- part of the creation process actually involves BAKING THE BODY PARTS IN THE OVEN. She just plopped everything down on a cookie sheet, and Hansel and Gretel style, into the oven they went. They featured the woman who purchased a doll, and you totally had her pegged, I think the one in the tv spot was her 4th doll. Freaky.

  56. I think you should put a picture of "Jenalee" on your CBH t-shirts. I get that look on my face once and awhile too. After I've had a dozen cocktails.

  57. I've been quietly lurking, lmfao, but this, this cried out to me! These dolls are made for all the old maiden aunts that are chained up in the attic whose food is slipped quickly through the door before they can grab the poor innocent child sent up there by her callus parents. Not only is the doll a diversion tactic, it also stops Auntie from howling at night. It really is a great invention. Well, I have to go now, it's dinner time... *sigh*

  58. Wow. That is one wacked-out ebay item. Made me want to crawl through the monitor and pick up that baby.

    What the hay is "safe baby fat"? And do we really want to know?

    I say, get yourself a car seat and an infant carrier, and you have yourself a whole new line of excuses. The baby already has a runny nose, so you're good for a case of strep, perhaps a slight fever ...


  59. Anonymous9:15 PM

    Johnny, if you think a picture of such a thing is freaky, it is nothing compared to being face to face with such a creation. Let me tell you my story...
    I work at a hair salon as a receptionist and I got a call from a woman who wanted to make a hair coloring appointment for her statue that she was making for an exhibit. yes, a statue....i made her repeat that to me twice or about a dozen times. When she came in, she rolled in a suitcase behind her. She opens it and inside is a body...without arms and legs...but a body nevertheless. I, along with everyone who saw it, was on the verge of upchucking their lunches. Apparently, it was an exact replica of HERSELF when she was a little girl. She was making it for some sort of an exhibit. It was so scarily real-looking, it was really difficult to even have a good look. I gathered the courage to even touch its hand and it felt sooooo real! It felt like human skin. It was lying on its side so its shoulder blades were kinda sticking out, just like in a real person.
    This was about a month ago, and yes, I work in NYC. :-)
    Oh, and if you're wondering, the hair color came out great!

  60. I could imagine that a customers officer may think that it was a "real doll" (you know the sex doll) for midgets.

    I could only imagine.

  61. Anonymous12:38 AM

    Those Chucky movies now seem so lame, you know it is only a matter of time before some artist starts selling pre -reborn things. Safe babyfat will be the least of our concerns.

  62. Similarly creepy is the real doll thing with lifesize dolls. I saw a program on BBC America about guys who have the "real dolls" and dress them, pose them, eat breakfast with them and can change their faces (yes, the faces actually come off). One guy had several and would put them all together like they were hanging out with friends. I don't even want to know what ELSE he did with them. I don't know if it is more creepy or more pathetic.
    Those baby pics were positively horrifying. I prefer to live in a world where I am blissfully unaware that things like that exist. What the fuck is wrong with those people???

  63. Oh my GOD, thank you for giving me nightmare material for the rest of my fucking life! God, that was horrible! Why? The only question I have is Why?

  64. I never was good at listening...

    And now I think I just killed a drifter.

  65. I'd have to spend half an hour claiming some heavy duty Psalms just to sleep in a hotel room after doing a post like that. Everyone say it with me 'Night holds no terrors for me sleeping under God's wing'. About 500 times.

    I survey for a moving company and I have yet to meet one person with an extensive doll collection who isn't very very odd.

  66. When my daughters still played with dolls they had German baby dolls that were realistic to the point of being spooky (Germany is known for its realistic doll making.)

    They had vinyl heads, hands and feet, but the bodies were stuffed muslin and very soft. The arms and legs were articulated just like a real baby, and they were weighted so that they felt like a real baby when you held one.

    My kids used to leave them all over the house, and one morning I walked into the living room and saw one of them face down on the floor – it looked just like a dead baby. Scared the hell out of me.

  67. I was staying at my mums house last week and she had an antique "Walkie Talkie Doll" sat in the chair in the corner of the room I was to sleep in. The first night I covered it up with spare pillows (why are there always so many pillows??). The second night I got her to remove it because I knew that if it suddenly made a noise in the night as some ancient mechanism gave a last gasp, I would A) Have jumped out of bed and torn it to shreds then burnt it, B) Have never slept again.

  68. You know what that would actually be really handy for? Using the HOV lane when you're by yourself. Pick up a used infant car seat at the salvation army, buckle in the fake baby, and keep it in the trunk. When you think you're likely to get stuck in traffic, just pop it in the back seat, and off you go.

  69. That rocks, dolls scare the shit out of me. Right up there with clowns.

  70. Oh my Hell.

    I don't know what you look like, but I can totally picture your fake family pictures with this thing.

    I didn't know my whole body could shiver like that.

  71. Johnny, you ever watch Rescue Me? I think Dennis Leary's daughters boyfriend was in a band named dead baby head or something like that, worth a google.

  72. Anonymous11:45 PM

    While my better judgment told me not to look. I did. What did it get me? Nightmares for life. That is effin' creepy. PS, Click Susan's link. It's well worth the laugh, and disgust. The pictures are disturbing, but the customer testimonials are freakin' endless laughter.

  73. That is really fucking scary. The red headed one is Chuckie's brother, I think. While I was looking at it, I thought of the ski rack thing, but a little different--an old infant carrier seat, conveniently 'left' on the trunk while on the freeway...

  74. Oh my goodness...this is my first time coming to your blog and I am DYING over here! That post was hysterical and creepy at the same time. Oh boy!

  75. I feel slightly bad (in a OMG that's really sick sort of way) for someone that would actually buy on of the creepy things. If they really want a child hanging around I'll loan them (pay them to take) one of mine. On the other hand I wish I had seen these before I had my own kids. Could have prevented all the stuff I put up with now.

    Thanks for the huge laugh. I really needed it!

  76. I seriously had trouble sleeping last night thanks to you and your fucking baby heads!

    Would you PLEASE post something else so that you could 1) move back up to your rightful place in the HB rankings and 2) move your baby head nastiness south on the page???

    Please?? Pretty please??? With a hazel colored baby eye on top???????

  77. Anonymous3:45 PM

    This blog seriously delivers. On all levels.

  78. If I owned that doll, I'd totally do something depraved with it . . . like "accidentally" leave it on the roof of my car in front of old ladies and start driving . . . .

    I am a sick, sick woman.

    By the way - somebody anonymous posted on my blog to check yours out. So I'm checking it out. Thus far, I'm liking what I see.

  79. I actually think the whole thing is more sad than creepy - people wanting babies so much (because their children have died, or they couldn't conceive, or life didn't work out the way they wanted) that they want these fake babies around. Equally sad - and horrifying - was watching the video (it is only 3 minutes long). In it one woman said (something like), "These are so much better than the real thing - they never grow out of their clothes, they never soil their clothes..." OMG - what kind of parent are they? What kind of parent would they be? This isn't about creepy people who collect Precious Moments (although they are creepy), but its about people who are too whacked out to handle the real world - whether it is the loss of a kid or the sadness associated with seeing your kids move on to another phase of their growth. Blah!

  80. This might be worse than that jacked up Christmas ornament with the eyes added. Yikes.

  81. Anonymous1:56 PM

    When I went into Toys R Us to buy a doll for my son (don't ask), I almost tore through all the boxes to let those poor babies out of the confines of their Taiwan tie wraps. It completely wigged me out! They make them too damn realistic these days.


  82. I know I'm late here but be sure to have at least one son, then go online and buy some Cub Scout/Boy Scout stuff. Score a few days off to go "camping". If you can fake being a leader even better because then you "have" to be there.

  83. Hey - I have NO idea how I got to your page - but I was laughing and kinda grossed out at the same time. Is that normal?

    Nice job. I'll be back.


  84. Here's a perfect song for your new band:


  85. Wow. I was tempted by the questions at the bottom of the page, but couldn't do it when the first 10 or so were all favorable. My question would have been "Why? Dear God in Heaven, why?"

    Re: smoking breaks - years ago I sat near three guys and we decided in the summer to have a faux meeting outside and called it our smoking break. It lasted a good year until I got moved to a different area and didn't see them anymore.