False Tooth.

You gotta love the SkyMall catalog:

The obvious fact here is that walking around with one of these stuck to the side of your head all day will not actually enhance your image or give you a more youthful appearance.

It will, however, make you look like a dick.

like those guys over at humor-blogs.com


  1. "It will, however, make you look like a dick."

    Not in L.A. it won't. It might get you a studio job.

  2. Just Me7:52 PM

    Another benefit: When you talk to yourself, people won't know that you're really crazy. They'll think you're important.

  3. Ha, yeah I knew that was coming.

    But still, it's pretty funny that they make fake ones for deaf guys. I stand by my view that using one is cool, wearing one constantly whether you are using it or not is pretentious.

  4. Anonymous9:38 PM

    LMAO...look at that old geezer with the dentures, trying to score with the lady. He thinks he's so cool.

  5. Before I use to go out I would check, "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch"

    Now it is "earing aid, dentures and some rolled up socks in my crotch"

  6. 50 feet away? sounds like it would also be good for eavesdropping. hmmmmm.....

  7. No doubt. I'm still bothered when I see people wearing these as an accessory like the phone on the belt. If you're not using it, take it off. You look like a dick.

  8. I saw a new "street cred" definition for guys like that... BlueTools. I've used it a few times.

  9. We had a team lead who walked around with one of those in his ear all the time. Even after he got demoted, he still wore it to try to give the impression that he wasn't some smeg head like the rest of us. I wonder if he still wears it after he got fired from the company?

  10. The thing that makes me run away screaming is that you can hear conversations 50 feet away.

    I don't even want to hear to conversations I'm subjected to across the cubicle wall. That's why I have headphones AND earplugs.

    Everybody shut up!

  11. lol Lew! Skymall is filled with helpfully ridiculous!

  12. I honestly want to slap the shit out of people wearing those. Even old people, especially old people now! I can't stand them. They only make sense for the office. I don't want to see them in public and if you are so freaking busy you need to wear one in public you can probably afford an assistant to do your errands for you. Give me a break!
    I love skymall for this exact reason! There is nothing I love more than feeling outrage while trapped on a plane!

  13. I always feel like these guys are going to pipe up any second with "BRING HER DOWN TO 2,000 FEET AND CUT THROTTLE".

    I think 'dork' more than 'dick'

  14. Anonymous3:20 PM

    A better disguise might be if it were anywhere but stuck in your ear.

  15. you know jv, you really mess with my head. I read this last night & didn't think much else about it. Today I saw this little old lady, dressed in a velour warm up suit, with one of these in her ear. I couldn't stop staring, wondering if it was a hearing aide or a phone. Either way, it was stupid!
    And do you know how many times that I have responded to someone in public because I didn't see the ear thing and I thought they were speaking to me?
    ok this comment took me like 1/2 hour to type, I hope you appreciate it :)

  16. Guy in the booze aisle in Target:
    Wow! I can't believe they carry liquor at Target now. (this makes sense because of Colorado's weird liquor laws)

    Me: I know! Isn't it awesome??!

    Guy: *pointing to his ear and giving me a dirty look*

    Me: Oh wow, sorry, I thought you were talking to me because I am the only other person in the vicinity.

    Why am I the one who is supposed to feel like an ass in this situation? I want to punch everyone who wears one of those anywhere but in the car.
    Thank you for bringing attention to this very important social issue.
    That is all.

  17. Anonymous5:24 PM

    I use mine while walking the dog. He gets longer walks, I stay in touch with far-flung family and friends. It's a win-win. I don't wear it just for the sake of wearing it though. Only when I'm actually using it.

  18. OH! That's really funny. You pushed one of my buttons. I really hate it when these dicks wear them when presenting. What? Are you going to get an important call in this big meeting that you will have to take from your brother-in-law and you will have to excuse yourself? Take off the jawbone jackass.

  19. i do not really like the whole bluetooth things in general.
    i love my cell.
    i am txting constantly.
    but do i feel the need to have a device so i can project my conversations out to everyone, thus truly making myself look like a bitch?

    i'm all set thankyouverymuch.

  20. This is unfortunately not new... several attemps have been made throughout history to "conceal" deafness... and not all of them were elegant.

    Check out: http://beckerexhibits.wustl.edu/did/index.htm

  21. I saw a guy in a food court wearing one the other day as he hoed into his food surrounded by people who I assume were "mates".
    Personally I like these devices, they allow me to instantly recognise dicks without spending the effort of actually talking to them.
    I have one myself, I think I've used it maybe 3 times in the 2 years or so I've owned it. Each time I was driving or riding.

  22. kristina11:48 AM

    Dicks, nobs, gomers, jerks, asswipes, losers, fukwads - take your pick...

    Oh, and especially when driving! You know why? Cause they "talk" with both hands. Off the wheel. WTF?! "Hands-free" device?

  23. Clownface7:57 PM

    On the SkyMall note, I encourage you to check out the song "Sky Mall" by Jonathan Coulton. A free mp3 file is here: http://www.jonathancoulton.com/mp3/SkyMall.mp3.

  24. Anonymous10:42 AM

    What happens when his cell phone rings? Obviously, he'll put his cell phone up to that ear, and his ruse will be blown.

  25. He's a BlueTool! I think people who wear these while not using them are jackasses.

  26. Really funny. I'd rather look deaf.

  27. Ok, I thought it was just me that thought that those earpieces made people look like assholes. I see people in the grocery store, wearing them, not talking, but you know they're so important, they just might get a call. And taking your phone out of your purse/pocket just wastes SO much time.

    The thing that really trips me out is when I'm on the opposite ear side of someone who is talking on one of those things, because honestly? They look like a crazy person, just walking along talking to themselves. I've laughed out loud at them before. Is that mean?

  28. No Shelley, it's not mean. Check out
    this old post..

  29. I call them alien implants.