More finger food

So it appears that this is the week for finger food in the news. Unlike that sleazy bitch who cost Wendy's so much money with her fraudulent lawsuit, these particular entries into the little-too-fast food category have actually been verified by the respective restaurants involved.

This week, this guy found a fingertip in his frozen custard. He apparently "thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream ... to make it a treat.'

He then told reporters that he thought to himself, "OK, well, I'll just put it in my mouth and get the ice cream off of it and see what it is."

Stowers said he spit the object out, but still couldn't identify it, so he washed it off and...

Surprise! Finger Treat.

I can almost guarantee that this dude will never eat anything but plain ice cream again as long as he lives. Not strawberry. Not praline crunch. Not Super fudge chunk. Especially not The Gobfather, because christ only knows what's in that shit.

This next one goes out to Toren and her Jusskins(tm)

Last week, this guy filed his lawsuit. It turns out that he found a piece of skin on his Arby's chicken sandwich. The bad part? It had fingerprints, and that's never a good sign.

He said, "It looked like I was seeing fingerprints on it," he said. "I got sick and went to the bathroom."

I appreciate his honesty and hardcore dedication to accuracy, because that is the exact order in which I would have done things too. While it may be much neater and more socially acceptable to go into the bathroom and then get sick, it rarely seems to happen that way when body parts are found in your food.

According to the story, health investigators talked to the restaurant manager, who had a bandage on his right thumb and wore a latex glove, according to a health district report.

Busted.

I'm thinking that this one would have been hard to deny, given the fact that the fingerprints on the rest of his fingers actually matched the one in the sandwich.

The manager said he sliced the skin from the thumb while shredding lettuce, and sanitized the area but didn't throw away the bin of lettuce, the report said.

For some unknown reason, he wasn't at all concerned about where the errant slice got off to. As long as he saved his bin of lettuce, he was all good.

Sweet Jesus.

From now on, I'm bringing my lunch from home.