Steve and Edie's is the best store in the universe

As some of you already know, I have a history with S&E. Well, I'm glad to say that nothing has improved. I walked in there today to get some milk, and when I get to the cooler, there's a kid stocking it with milk. I stand there for a few seconds, then he notices me. "You need milk?" he asks me sagely. I nod in the affirmative, he scoots out of the way and I reach over and grab the last quart of skim, and head toward the front register. "We have a milk club," he informs me.

The girl behind the register looks bored. She's twirling her hair between her fingers, and she's wearing what looks like a brand-new Good Charlotte T-shirt. She smiles, looks down at the milk I placed on the counter, and says "Are you in the milk club?"

Again with the freakin' milk club. I reply that yes, I am probably in the milk club.

She says, "What's your name?"

"Johnny Virgil," I tell her.

"Virgil...." she says thoughtfully, flipping through a box of index cards.

She looks up. "What letter does that start with?" she asks quizzically.

I blink.

No. Really?

Yes, really.

"Uh, V. It starts with V," I reply.

I have to think more quickly when I'm in that place. Next time, just to mess with her, I'm going to say, "It actually starts with a P, but the P is silent."

This is the future of america, right here.


  1. Is that the same girl you helped with the credit card machine?

  2. the very same. She's a treat.

  3. More terrifying is that I am also the present and future of America. All I talk about is poop.

    But seriously, JV--your last name has an UNMISTAKABLE first letter. I am peeing my pants with laughter yet also crying a little for this poor girl.

  4. OH. MY. GOD!!! That sounds like this story a friend of my mom's told me once about when the government re-introduced the $2 bill and the kid at Taco Bell called security because he thought the guy was handing him fake money.

  5. Reminds me of a line from Ferris Bueller. The maitre'd of the restaurant Ferris and company have scammed their way into says to them:
    "I weep for the future."