How to not have sex for at least 7 days

1. Rent the movie "The Ring" some weekend.

2. Watch it with your wife (or girlfriend) really late at night.

3. When the end credits are still rolling, get up to go to the bathroom.

4. Using your cell phone, call the house phone. When your wife or girlfriend answers, pause for a second, then whisper "ssseven daysss......."

Additional note: In my experience, you may want to move the phone away from your ear to avoid any permanent damage caused by the loud screams of "YOU ASSHOLE!"


  1. you



    and deserve no sex.

  2. B did this to me, too, and I was so effing pissed. I ended up having sex with him anyways, though, because I'm a little slutty.

  3. You are such a jerk Johnny

  4. After I finished pissing all over your couch I would have beat the living shit out of you, but I would have waited til you were asleep (adds to the element of suprise)

  5. Sounds exactly like something my husband would do. And he also would do without sex...probably for much longer than 7 days.

    However, I'm laughing that I'm not the only one that has an evil husband!

  6. That is awesome! I would totally do that to my husband, and probably still get sex. Of course, I hide behind doors almost every day and jump out and scare him - especially when he is just getting home from work. Is that wrong? It feels so right! I know it cracks ME up every time!

  7. That is funny. I'd put out for the pure hilarity of it.

  8. I'm surprised you have so many comments. I figured most people would read the title of your post and stop there...

    And girls can be as mean as they want and still have sex, so unfair!

  9. Okay, since this is on my level, I have to give you another tip: Watch, "The Grudge." In that movie, the evil little kid/mother make this back-of-the-throat, click/growl sound. It's easily reproduceable.

    My brother called to tell me to watch the movie, becasue, "It's the scariest shit I've ever seen." It was entertaining, but definitely not scary. I called him the next morning, and when he picked up the phone, I made the nice little noise, just for him. He sat silent for a moment, then whimpered, "Don't do that!"

    Hey, what are sisters for?