I got a free sample of this in the mail the other day:
The thing about it that struck me funny was that on the back they listed all the "multi-surfaces" you can use it on, complete with pictures. They also had a list of specific things you probably should avoid using it on, like your ass, your baby, or your baby's ass, for instance. Oddly enough,there are no pictures of those things. This is what the back looks like:
The usage directions are pretty detailed, but there were a few things I found confusing.
Seriously, is there a male anywhere who doesn't want a higher shine on his wood? I think not. And why they want you to go around the house and unplug everything before you open the envelope is beyond me, but that's what I did because that ominous note scared me a little.
Did you notice the "DO NOT USE" text in bright green? Personally, I don't think that's big enough. And what if a potential consumer can't read? They would have no choice but to go by pictures. That being said, here's what I think the back of it should look like:
Actually, just the thought of someone using lemon Pledge wipes to treat their hemorrhoids made me laugh and gave me an idea. I decided to drop an e-mail to their customer support folks, just to get their opinion on that. Here's what I wrote:
Hi there -
I was hoping you could answer a question for me. I recently purchased some of your Pledge Multi-surface pre-moistened wipes, and I've used them on myself quite a few times in a rather "sensitive" area, since I was out of the pre-moistened wipes that I usually purchase (Tucks). I was wondering if that could be harmful in any way.
It wasn't until recently that I noticed the line on the back that says "do not use for personal hygiene or as a baby wipe." When I saw that, I immediately discontinued my use, even though they seemed to work even better than Tucks Medicated pads, and I really liked the clean, lemony-fresh scent they left behind.
I didn't notice any irritation or redness -- in fact, just the opposite. They must have some anti-chafing properties as well, because I've never felt so "friction-free" back there. Anyway, I'd like to continue using them in this fashion if you can tell me that it's perfectly safe to do so.
Thank you very much,
The next day, I got this reply:
Thank you for your email regarding PLEDGE® Wipes. I'm sorry you thought these products were for personal hygiene. They are really not recommended nor designed for such use.
In answer to your question, since the most common PLEDGE® Wipes products are PLEDGE® Wipes in Lemon and with Orange Oil, I can tell you the ingredients of these particular products are not considered skin irritants. However, if skin contact occurs we recommend washing the area with soap and water.
If you have additional questions related to the safety of this products or another PLEDGE® Wipe product, please call our SCJ Medical Information line at 866-231-5406. They will be happy to address any other concerns you may have.
If we can help in the future, please do not hesitate to contact us again.
Consumer Relationship Center
SC Johnson, A Family Company
Toll Free Number: 1-800-558-5252
Reference Number: 012913843A
That medical info line is looking pretty tempting. Once I think I can keep a straight face while I'm asking questions, I'm totally on it. So if you walk by my desk and you overhear me asking someone on the phone if it's ok if I brush my teeth with Pledge, don't be alarmed.
It's just me gathering much-needed information for you, my faithful readers. When your butthole is lemony-fresh and streak-free, you'll thank me.
Oh yes, you will.