Every morning, I leave my house to go to work at approximately the same time. It is extremely early, and most sane people are still watching the inside of their eyelids. I, however, and barreling down a godforsaken highway at roughly 80 mph, and generally the traffic is light enough so I don't have any issues with ass-munch drivers. Generally.
In the last month or so, I've picked up a lamprey eel, who sits in my blind spot and drives exactly my speed. I hate that like nothing else. It's my speed goddammit, pick your own and then go it. Or if you want to go mine, slow down for a while and wait until I'm way ahead of you. Don't be a tool and slow down and speed up with me because you think I have a radar detector.
This guy is a douchebag. And not just because he goes my speed. In fact, his ultra-high level on the douchbaggedness scale is based strictly on the type of rap music he listens to while driving. He's white. His music is angry. It says "what it do" and "Yeah. Uh huh" a lot. It hates women. It is liberally sprinkled with misogynistic phrases that appear approximately, oh...I don't know....EVERY VERSE and CHORUS would be my guess. On Wednesday, the chorus was simple enough to remember, so I looked it up. Turns out it's someone with the rap name of "Webbie." Here are the song lyrics if you're curious.
Normally, I wouldn't give a shit, and I'd say he can listen to whatever excuse for music he wants to. That's normally. But here's the non-normal problem:
You're probably wondering how I know what he's listening to, given the 80mph air-gap between our two vehicles. Or maybe you have experienced this irritation and already know. Not only does this dude go my speed, he also shares my frequency -- 89.9 on the FM dial if you are keeping track. This happens to be the best frequency in the area for a Griffin i-Trip, and the only frequency that is solid all the way from north buttscratch where I live to south buttscratch where I work.
The problem is, his transmitter is much stronger than mine and overrides my signal. I will be driving along listening to Dropping Daylight or Fountains of Wayne when suddenly I'm getting all Chingy wit' it, whether I want to be or not. When it happened the first couple of times, I just turned off my radio and slowed down, but I needed a good 1/8 mile between us before it would fade out. Then I figured I'd change my frequency, but I couldn't find one that didn't get overridden by some local FM station at some point during my trip.
After a while, I found another solution. I simply began to like rap music. It started growing on me. I began looking forward to our daily highway meeting. The simple, repetitive beat, the women-hating lyrics, it all began to make sense. I was beginning to understand the gangsta rap philosophy. No, I'm kidding. I don't have any bitches or hos that I beat up on a regular basis so I really have no business dabbling in that subculture.
My solution is not simple. It will take time, and it will take money -- but as god is my witness, I will force him to listen to MY music.
I figure i am pretty good with a soldering iron, and I can build this and this. Yes, I realize it will get me on the FCCs most wanted list, if they have one. Yes, I realize I am planning on running a pirate radio station from a moving vehicle. And yes, I am going to CRUSH this guy.
Now I just need to decide on the music. What band or music would a hard-core rapper absolutely hate? I'm open to suggestions. I can always turn my radio off while I broadcast.