No Chinese Food for Germy.

I was packing up my stuff to leave the office today, when my cellphone buzzed. I had a text message. I never get text messages, and I never send them -- mostly because I have a number pad on my phone and not a keyboard, which means I have to hit a key three or four times for a single letter, and frankly, it's not worth it.

So needless to say, I was intrigued. I read the message, and it was obviously a wrong number.

It said:

Hey, it's Mel. Want to reclaim the room tonight and order chinese and watch a movie? Mad bitches are going out and I don't want to be in the room alone with Germy.

So I immediately wrote back.

Germy sounds pretty hot. Chinese sounds great! None for Germy though.

A few minutes later, Mel replied with:

Awesome! When do you want to meet back there?

I replied: Six or so? What should I wear?

Mel wrote back: Something sexy.

So I wrote: Cool. I have a brand new leather banana hammock I've been dying to try out.

At this point, I still wasn't sure if Mel was a man or a woman. I figured that last reply would sort it out pretty quickly.

A few minutes later, I got a reply that said: Well in that case, I'll be in my birthday suit.


So I replied with: What will we do about Germy?

Mel wrote back: If we're lucky, she'll be sleeping/feeling better/not there. Have you been back yet?

So I knew Germy was a female, at least. I replied with: No, not since the whole "Drunk-on-Jack-Daniels-naked-tabledance-thing."

Mel wrote back: I don't even know what you're saying. Just be in the room at 6 ready for chinese and chillin out/maxin' relaxin' all cool.

Right now it's ten after seven, and I'm pretty sure I had the General Tso's chicken.*

I love it when my blog entry for the day falls right into my lap. Or calls me on the phone. Whichever.

*Since I'm a nice guy, I didn't actually leave her hanging. I sent a final message that said "OK, time to come clean before I ruin your night. You text messaged a wrong number and I've been messing with you." She wrote back "Awesome! At least I provided some amusement for your day. Sorry about that!" I told her to enjoy the chinese.


  1. Thats freaking classic man : )

    I love that, whish I could do it.

    Once a guy called me by accident asking for "tom jones".

    I said sure, please hold...

    Then I came on singing "Its not unusual..."

  2. This is so effing awesome. But I have to say, I'm glad you came clean. If it was me, I wouldn't be able to sleep without coming clean. I suck at practical jokes because I think they're mean. I'm "that girl" and by that I mean I'm lame.

  3. Bananna hammock? Never heard that one before. I get it, just never heard it.

    Color me retarded.

  4. I cannot believe that no one has addressed the fact that this was an offer of naked devourment of Chinese food, which really ought to be a new X game...

    But more importantly that this chick thought it was totally okay to eat the chinese food naked while her roommate, Germy, slept in the room.

    What I'm trying to say is, I miss college.

  5. HAHAHA! I love a good practical joke but I'm glad you came clean. This reminds me of that scene in Ruthless People w/ Danny DeVito: "No, she can't come to the phone right now, she's got my dick in her mouth". *click* "I love wrong numbers".

  6. All that for the lovely price of what, 25 cents a letter! Good for you!

    Oh, that is just my crappy cell plan! Thanks for the reminder to update it.

  7. And what kind of name is 'Germy' - is that like Grossy Josi?