5/9/06

Don't drop the soap, lightbulb head.

Just some random things today. Nothing of real import. Let's start with this oddness. This morning I decided it would be a good day to spill coffee on my shirt, so I was standing in the men's room trying to get the coffee stain out, and some guy walks in and takes a stall. Normally, you can tell a few things about someone when they do this. There are two types of stall people -- the kind that cover the seat with TP, and the kind that just sit down on whatever and let'er rip.

I know there can be mitigating circumstances, and this behavior can vary depending upon what sort of spicy burrito was consumed for lunch, however this dude was clearly of the first type, and was spending an inordinate amount of time on initial seat prep. For the entire 2 or 3 minutes I was standing there removing coffee from my shirt, I could hear the toilet paper roll going like mad, and it just didn't stop. Roll, tear, roll, tear, roll, tear. This guy was at that roll like he was building some sort of nest in there. At any rate, I got the hell out of the room before his feet disappeared.


In keeping with the toilet theme, I snapped this on the way home today:



That my friends, is a shining example of stellar marketing. Seriously, how could you pass that up? Just because it's covered in a solid layer of E. Coli and people you don't know have been crapping into it until recently doesn't detract from its outstanding value. C'mon. It's free and it works good. What more could you possibly want? Of course, they could be lying and you would have no way of knowing, because they certainly aren't going to hook it up again for a test drive. Even if it didn't work at all, they aren't going to write that. They are having a problem getting rid of it as it is -- if it didn't work and they actually told you that, they might as well just fill it with dirt and plant flowers in it. All I'm saying is that when a free radio doesn't work good, you might only get one or two stations. When your free roadside toilet doesn't work good, you have poop floating through a room. There's a world of diference there.

Speaking of piles of shit, I'm thinking that since Zacharias Moussaoui is getting life in prison, it won't be too long before he's someone's bitch. I took the liberty of mocking up some possible hot new looks for him since instead of getting 72 virgins, he's going to actually be one. At least for a little while.









Oh yes. One more thing. Taylor Hicks dances like he's trying to shake a dried corncob out of his ass.

14 comments:

  1. Why do guys shit in public stalls? I know sometimes you can't hold it in, but it's like some kind of statement. I've always been able to do that at home.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I looooooooves me some Zacharias Moussaoui makeovers. Especially the Charo "coochy coochy" 'do!

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's all in the timing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. don't tell me. that's the same guy who left the desk on his lawn, right?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous2:01 AM

    you are hilarious!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ok, so I actually shot coffee out my nose, thanks to those photos. BRAVO!!!

    Great blog... keep up the insanity!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You should have stopped and left an upper decker.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I specifically try to use public stalls because they tend to have more power than my toilet at home.

    Johnny, I actually did that once with a toilet when I renovated my bathroom. Except my sign was on Craigs's List. And someone did come to pick the thing up the next day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I prefer it if Hubby poops at work. Not only is he getting paid to poop I don't have to "enjoy" it, too.

    LOVE the mock ups; my fave is the pigtails.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Where can I pick up that toilet? Te ones I have are the new kind that you have to flush three times to get it to work. The hold a teacup of water. Give me one of those water wasters any time! I would hose it down and install it ASAP.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Miriam, it's still there. Upstate NY - toilet capital of the world.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Scott- I am intruiged. What kind of power? Flushing power? Acoustics? I'd like to learn.

    ReplyDelete
  13. What the hell? No redheads in the new looks for Moussaoui? Plus, you didn't get in the Texas big-hair look. Very popular down south.

    And the lawn toilet...there's a place here out in East Texas where that's ALL they sell...lawn toilets as far as the eye can see on their few acres. Now that's class....

    Love the stuff as usual...

    ReplyDelete