As hard as it is to believe...

I am watching this movie right now:



I shit you not.

Mansquito.

The name makes me laugh. The thought that this movie actually got funded makes me laugh. The fact that it was made LAST YEAR and not in 1977 makes me laugh some more.

But I cannot not look away.

I am going to watch until the Mansquito shows up. Or at least until the first something-squito makes an appearance. Womansquito, Boysquito, even Homosquito - I don't care. The acting is beyond horrendous. If the Mansquito sucks as much as what I've seen so far, he's going to be one ravenous, blood-sucking bastard.

[insert ten minutes of ridiculously stupid dialogue read directly off cue-cards by attractive people with 3rd grade reading skills here. The leading man used to be on an old Fox sitcom. Apparently, Parker Lewis CAN lose, and badly.]

Ladies and gentlemen -- we have us a Mansquito. Oddly enough, it is the female scientist that goes first. Maybe they should have called the movie Ms. Quito. Scientifically, it stands to reason I guess, since I think it's only the female mosquitos that actually bite.

Here is the gripping transformation from human to blood-sucking monster, as pasted from my closed-captioning system:

[groaning]
[groaning]
[groaning]
[we need some backup in here!]
[groaning]
[screams]
[gunshots]

I am pretty sure I've seen that closed-captioning word-for-word on the Adult film channel, except the shots at the end were slightly different.

Watch this movie. I dare you.