3/22/06

Smenita is pissing me off.

I can't seem to comment on anyone's blog tonight -- I keep getting the same verification word, even after clearing my cache, and the effing blogger program won't take it. I guess Smenita wins this round. Russian bitch.

I am currently sitting in a hotel on the outskirts of Boston because I have been at a training session this week. It's a smallish classroom with about 10 workstations, and they're all full. I was early, so I had my pick of seats. I decided to grab the aisle seat in the back row. Pretty good placement, I thought.

Turns out, there's a 450 pound guy who decided he needed to sit in the same row all the way against the far wall. I don't know why.

I do know that the only way this guy can fit between the back wall and my chair is if I'm not actually sitting in it. The first day, he tried to get by without asking me to move, and I am pretty sure my torso almost got sucked into his fat roll. From then on, I just listened for the shrieking chair, which meant he was heading to the bathroom, and I used that as my signal to get a serious move on. Then I have to wait for him to come back, and go through the same exercise.

The instructor is a big guy too, and unfortunately he smells like ass pickles. I am not really sure what an ass pickle actually is, but it's the only way I can accurately describe his particular stench. It's like dill pickles, only with a solid base of vintage ass. He has brown teeth with an 1/4" gap between each one. When he smiles he looks like he's going to eat your head. Friendly, but a little weird.

I was all happy because for once I was going somewhere I didn't have to fly to, and it turns out I get to spend three days in aisle-hell instead of three hours.

Having a great time. Wish you were here. Not with me -- instead of me. Just wanted to make that clear.

9 comments:

  1. Ewww...you poor, poor man.

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  2. why is there never a sexy blonde in those IT computer training classes??

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  3. Ass pickles, OMG, I totally know the odor of which you speak. Not that I weigh 450 lbs, mind you, but I've been close enough to someone who's smelled like that. It seems when you gain weight you grow new places to sweat and collect body funk.

    Mmmmm, tasty!

    Also: my word verification thingy was "usaspah"; I think that's 'fuck you' in Russian...

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  4. I had the same thing happening. Cleared my cahce and that seemed to do it.

    You can also try installing a colon accelerator card, which will prevent this problem, as well as a few others.

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  5. I bet the ass pickle guy used a colon accelerator.

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  6. I sat next to a fat guy on an airplane who smelled like that, with a hint of yeast. It was a 6-hour flight. He also took up most of my arm room. Ugh.

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  7. Ok, I am sick now...laughing but sick.

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  8. I'm convinced they make those training sessions and plant the smelly tub-buckets in the room just so when you return to your office, you're actually not so offended anymore by your coworkers.

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