I was waiting for House to come on and I saw two things that disturbed me.
One: My first year in college, there was a band called The Go-Go's that was just breaking out with a song called "We Got the Beat." They played my college gym and there were about 50 people there. I literally stood a foot from Jane Weidlin, taking pictures. I'm sure she remembers me because as I was rotating my camera for a portrait shot, my elbow slammed into the boom on her microphone, which caused the microphone to make a noise like *POOMP* as it bounced off her teeth. At any rate, my budding photography career was cut short by a giant bouncer with a missing neck, and The Go-Go's went on to become quite famous, whereas I did not.
So what does that have to do with what disturbed me tonight? It is simply this: As I was sitting in front of the television lacing up my sneakers, I discovered that one of their songs has been gang-raped by Papa John's Pizza. Apparently everyone in Papa John's entire pizza-making organization goes around singing "We got the Meat" at the top of their lungs. First, I wouldn't recommend going around singing that to anyone, let alone complete strangers, and second, it made me very sad for a few reasons. (a) I hate when I am obviously a target market (b) Belinda Carlisle must need cash, and (c) I can't stand unoriginal ad agencies whose best and brightest shot is reworked lyrics on an old, classic song. They should be castrated with jagged pieces of broken 45rpm records.
The other thing that disturbed me: There's a big black chick on Idol with a pretty damn fine voice. The only thing is, her name is Mandisa. What the hell kind of name is that? Mandisa? It sounds like some sort of evil Indian Death spirit that you talk about in hushed tones around a fire while grooving on Peyote buttons.
"hear me speak, my son...when the wind howls from the east and the moon is full, do not venture beyond the light of the sacred fire...for on those nights, The Mandisa hunts...and comes for you."
Or maybe something that fights Mothra in one of those old black and white Godzilla films.
I dunno. It also could be that it's a little too close to "Vin Diesel." I keep picturing him standing in the shower singing Chaka Kahn songs.
Aw jeez. Now I'm gonna have nightmares.