Final touch.

I went to AC Moore the other day to see if they had any poster framing/hanging-type stuff, because I had ordered a few posters on-line and I was going to (foolishly) try to frame them myself.

If you've never heard of these stores, they are chock-full of the type of crap that keeps old ladies busy when they're not playing bingo. Scrapbooking supplies, beads, baubles, loose buckets of creepy doll heads, painting and drawing supplies, you name it. Oh, and shitloads of over-priced fabric paint. I haven't seen fabric paint in squeeze bottles since I drew an REO Speedwagon logo on the back of a denim jacket and thought it was cool. Shut it. You can't fight this feelin' and don't tell me you can because I will know you're lying. Anyway, I am pretty sure you can't go to this place without coming home with inadvertent glitter in your asscrack.

About 30 minutes later, I walked out of there with a can of spray adhesive, a couple pieces of foam board, two giant frames, and glitter down my pants. And yes, that was intentional. What? I needed the glitter.

I've never used this spray adhesive before, but I'm an expert now so let me give you a few tips. One, don't spray it inside your house. In fact, I would go so far as to recommend you don't spray it at all, unless what you're after is mild hallucinations, probable neurological damage, missing short-term memories and a splitting headache. Two, I would not recommend spraying this in the vicinity of open flames or even static electricity unless you have a deep burning need to violently explode, or at the very least, burn off all your body hair. Just by the smell of this stuff, you can tell it would go up like the Hindenburg.

Speaking of your high potential to be sporting vast quantities of errant body hair (I know you guys), cover that shit up, because if you don't you'll be sorry. Especially watch out for your arm hair. If you have arm hair, I mean. If you do, you should probably wear long sleeves when you spray it, otherwise you will have a matted pelt on both arms by the time you are finished, and trust me, this glue does not wash off. I never had dreads on my arms before. It's not a good look for me, fyi.

So long story short, after almost turning myself into human flypaper with the spray adhesive, I ended up with this:

I was originally thinking of going for The Crow and Army of Darkness, but I went old school instead. Plus, I kinda like to look at Audrey Hepburn whenever I get the chance.

I didn't really notice this until after I had the new posters in, but I'm pretty sure my frames were happy to see me, based on the "stock" picture I removed:

Maybe it's just the leftover adhesive fumes talking, but if it were my company, I would have probably thought twice before naming my product Supreme Wood.* On the other hand, who can say? I mean, it IS Supreme, so I think you are pretty much obligated to go with it. Anything else is just pedestrian wood, and nobody wants that.

In other news, I have the on-call pager this week, so be prepared for some additional bitching and moaning. #firstworldproblems, as the kids say.

*Unless it was for erectile dysfunction, in which case you really couldn't pick a better name.


  1. OK - this was major funny!!Thanks for laugh.I wish I could pay back but I am too tired - maybe I need some glitter in my asscrack - intentional of course. Thanks again.

  2. spray adhesive + glitter will update that bentwood rocker... sniff some fumes and you'll agree...

  3. Just wanted to let you know - I gave my old kindle to my dad after I got the new fire for Christmas and he read your book which was on there. (Mainly cause he's having trouble figuring out how to download new stuff) But, 'Loved it' he says to me. I'm not sure who that says more about - you or my 84 year old dad - but, there you have it. ;)

  4. Daisy, we've named that chair Robert Plant. It's old and beat up, but it can still rock occasionally.

  5. JC, tell him thanks for me. Maybe 84 year old dads are my target demographic!

  6. greenpad12:22 PM

    I used that spray glue on a project and got it all over my workbench. WD-40 took it off pretty well, FYI.

  7. Plus, I kinda like to look at Audrey Hepburn whenever I get the chance.

    Don't we all Johnnie, don't we all...

  8. Supreme Wood is probably a bad translation of something really great and non-suggestive in Chinese. Just saying.

  9. Jen, made in the USA, believe it or not!

  10. Was is Super 77? That shit's powerful. As an art college grad, I know what you mean. We had a special room on our floor at school JUST for spraying. It even had a vent to the outdoors. But no one ever turned it on, they just left the windows open. Even in winter. In MIchigan. The spray just built up like some strange glue topography, and I feel bad for whoever had to clean that room!

  11. Yes! That's the stuff.

  12. Ah yes, spray adhesives! try some 3M automotive Trim Adhesive. Actually a nice product. Elmers makes a neat one to glue stuff, but it's like on sticky pads so you can peel it back off.
    you really want to toast some brain cells? One time I was tasked with glueing sheets of cork board to another board, self made pin boards, like 2 feet by 2 feet. I bought a quart of contact cement. Holy CR*P! After about 10 minutes, I had flushed 18,000,000,000 brain cells and walked in circles for 10 minutes trying to get from the shop back into the house.

  13. Supreme Wood isn't all that bad. I once knew somebody who worked for the Superior Erection Company.

  14. With a nod to Rich Thomson, you should have paired the Supreme Wood poster with the Breakfast at Tiffany's piece.

    Also, what's with everyone encouraging the huffing? I mean, what exactly are you doing in that man cave, anyway?

  15. Anonymous9:53 PM

    Rooms looking good Johnny, probably not the last of the brain cell damage or sticky arm hair though. Oops , have I said too much?


  16. Anonymous6:32 PM

    what color paint is on the wall? like it

    1. one of those eddie bauer colors from Lowes. Soldier blue or something.