10/31/10

Ween.

On Friday I stopped at our local nursery to pick up a few pumpkins and I saw one of these creepy little "kid crossing" stand-up signs that they have now:


I'm not sure what it is about those things, but they creep me right the hell out. Maybe it's the round head with the beady single eye, or possibly the cloven hooves.

Just look at it - it even has a freaky little eyelid for god's sake.


For some reason, every time I see one of these, I expect it to slowly blink at me. I can easily picture an entire army of them, coming at me relentlessly, making some sort of squeaky noise that sounds like two pieces of styrofoam rubbing together.

It wasn't until I got home and downloaded the picture from the camera that I noticed the horrific thing behind him.



What the fuck is that? When I was a kid, I had an irrational fear of Uncle Wiggily, and now I know why. Maybe it wasn't irrational. Maybe he was a minion of the devil all this time. Now I'm afraid I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night because I smell pipe tobacco, then look across the room and see the glowing red eyes of this thing as it rocks slowly back and forth, back and forth...puffing its pipe and smiling its yellow, rat-toothed smile.

In other news, while eating breakfast this morning I was browsing a catalog that sold reproductions of old cast-iron banks. This one caught my eye and made me laugh.


It looks like The Count from Sesame Street is about to get a lap dance from Eddie Munster.

Happy belated Halloween, everyone. Hope you scored lots of Reeses.

Here's how ours turned out:



Vidna, you didn't even try, man. Yours looks like it should be made in China and have a plastic handle on it.


25 comments:

  1. you shouldn't eat cheese before bedtime. or mushrooms...

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  2. Its a little known fact that The Count and Eddie Munster had a long term affair. Everything went sour though because Eddie's fame far surpassed The Count's across a wider demographic. Tragic.

    Oh- and if you don't go back and kill that zombie-rabbit I will actually never sleep again.

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  3. Carlo9:45 PM

    We had one of those banks when I was a kid (I think a creepy aunt gave it to my brother and me for Christmas), except the colors were different on ours, and it looked more like Charlie McCarthy getting his tooth pulled by Inigo Montoya.

    The "No smoking dogs" sign is pretty funny, but the humor is completely subsumed by the horrific wolf-zombie. Someone hold me.

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  4. There's a house near my parent's house that has one of those kid things. Theirs is orange though and last year, they used to move it around the yard. Whenever I'd go to my parent's house, it was always in a different spot.

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  5. Is that thing a rabbit? I thought it was a mule. It looks like it's been stuffed into a suit that is one size too small. Either that or it has to pee. It seems a little anxious.

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  6. Ewww I really REALLY don't like that crossing weirdo thingy, or it's creepy eyelid. That's awful. Just awful. I blame yhou fore my nightmares tonight.

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  7. OK..thanks for the nightmare fuel. Oh, and Ill never look at those crossing guard things the same again...so thanks.

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  8. The little crossing peeps i can live with.. but Uncle Remus in the chair.. hellz naw man..

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  9. Anonymous4:32 PM

    Dude, you sure to make me laugh.

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  10. Really! What the fuck IS that? Is it only out at Halloween? Where would someone put that the rest of the year?

    Way too weird, I must have one.

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  11. Daisy, I enjoy a nice cheese and mushroom omelette.

    Sharon, Is it a mule? A rabbit? I DON'T KNOW! It haunts me. My only question for you - who was bottom?

    Carlo, Wolf? RabbitWolfMule.

    Sprinkles, that's the thing. THEY WEREN'T MOVING IT.

    Carissa, I am pretty sure it might actually glow in the dark. That just makes it worse.

    obladi, you are welcome. Beware the small round-headed ones.

    Lynne, I'm not sure which is creepier. It's a close thing.

    Anon, thanks.

    Hunde, there's only one place to keep it. UNDER YOUR BED.

    Jen, it is anxious. ANXIOUS TO GET ITS YELLOW INCISORS IN YOUR FLESH.

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  12. kristina5:35 PM

    The crossing "thing" sort of looks like a sleepy turtle without a shell...

    The rabbit "thing" reminds me of a jackalope...

    Nice pumpkins!

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  13. Pretty sure its a soul-stealing rabbit. But he's wearing a suit so I think he'll buy you dinner first.

    And the answer to your question has got to be Eddie. You don't want your thrust count getting muffled by the pillow.

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  14. That little green and red "slow" kid, with the cloven hooves.... why not have a contest next year to see how many of them you (or others) can run over with your car?

    T.

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  15. And by the way, that is not a rabbit, it's a democrat in republican's clothing.

    T.

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  16. The "slow" kid has his own FB page
    http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=100001415512784

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  17. Anonymous3:28 PM

    Hi Johnny, Vidna here,
    Okay maybe I didn't try quite as hard as you guys but I did spend a very very long three point two-five minutes on that pumpkin. And that's more than usual trust me. I'm a bit more like a squirrel in that regard usually just chewing my way in to get the seeds. Next year I'll probably just use a Sharpie for the eyes and jam a candle in from behind then spend the remaining time watching you saw away viciously while I drink... Ha! Who's the slacker now huh? That's right, that's right. Now you begin to see I think! Now here at the very end do you begin to realize the power of the oops never mind that's Star Wars seeping in.
    I did just notice though that my pumpkin kind of looks like Frosty The Snowman's head halloween version.
    V.S.

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  18. Dear Anonymous:

    I liked your pumpkin the best. It was all yours. You didn't buy a wicked awesome pumpkin carving kit complete with stencils and pretend that you are a pumpkin artist. You kept it real. Don't take crap from them. And if they persist, you should shoot your pumpkin at them using this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/betsythedevine/2990380736/

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  19. that thing in the rocking chair kinda reminded me of the donnie darko evil rabbit dude...i'm sufficiently freaked out....lol

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  20. Anonymous12:28 AM

    Could we get a high-res version of the pumpkin picture?

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  21. Broken Angel, YES! I saw that movie for the first time last year.

    Love Cynic, don't encourage him.

    Lisa, that's just wrong!

    YFA, I am thinking I have to steal me one of those and then bring him places and photograph him. Keep your enemies close and all that....

    Anon, hi res for you.

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  22. Mackerel8:43 AM

    So, it's pretty clear to me that the "thing" is a rare specimen of the near-mythical Wangaratta Smoking Kangaroo. How did it get from the outback to the upstate?

    Also, it does help to think about the crossing guard guy as being a turtle. Get it? Slow? Turtle?

    Anyone?

    Better than creepy-green-zombie-kid.

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  23. That sign does look creepy.

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  24. Nice work on the pumpkin carving. When I was a kid, the sight of Uncle Wiggily creeped me out and sent me running. But probably not for the same reasons as you.

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  25. Your Halloween picture gave me an idea for what to do with our laser cutter next year that is probably about as wise as eating dog biscuits. My older brother ate a lot of dog food for a while. I never developed the taste.

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