5/31/09

Flower Power.

You may remember my awesome neighbors. I've written about their "interesting" taste before, in this post about their bedazzled mailbox. As predicted, chunks:



Granted, it took longer than I expected, and most of it is still hanging in there like a persistent rash, but that's OK because the wrought iron baby buggy, robot cat and dog, and reflector posts took a lot of the focus away from the mailbox:



The best was yet to come. A little while ago, a wrought iron bird cage (with two fake canaries), a section of picket fence with a yellow ribbon on it, and a pair of wicker chairs made the scene. It was getting a little crowded out there.

Hey, to each his own, right? We get a kick out of it when we drive by, but sometimes we can't help but wish they stuck to the chainsaw-carved bear they started with.

Their latest addition takes the proverbial cake, however:



Yep. Giant, fake, pink flowers in a milk jug. Totally awesome, right? Every time we drive by, it reminds me of this. I cannot figure out what they are thinking. It's like they are a couple of stoners instead of retirees.

I never claimed to have great taste, but here's what I built in our garden today:



I might add some giant pink satin flowers.

One more completely unrelated thing -- if anyone has one of these they want to sell, please let me know. Thanks.


43 comments:

  1. What the FUCK? LOL They look like giant vaginas in a milk jug.

    Thank you for the chuckle.

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  2. Well, hippies *might* be retiring about now, so they could be both, but you'd think they would've grown some taste!

    Is the extra "z" in Whizzzer for the zillions of things you can do with it?

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  3. Those giant flowers have to go, hopefully a big wind will come by and take them far away. I would be sneaking over in the dark of night and rearranging things. I'll think of a plan for that mailbox...

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  4. Anonymous8:39 PM

    Have you ever met anybody in cyberspace and thought they were really terrific then you meet them in meat space and they have horrific personal habits or speech patterns or just plain goofy?

    JV, I imagine that I would really like you. Would you disappoint?

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  5. I don't know. Do you like goofy people who stutter and don't wash?

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  6. Anonymous9:06 PM

    I'm just sayin... it happens.

    I'm thinking that your neighbors are collectors. Crap collectors, but, still--they hang out at yard sales, auctions, flea markets and bring home crap. Then they have to figure out what to do with it. So they set up little crappy scenes for you to admire.

    I'm betting that what's piled up on the inside of that house really is a little shop of horrors.

    btw, stutterers rock. Perfectionists and way smart.

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  7. I think it's taken longer than you originally planned for the chunks to fall off only because you missed an iteration. Those aren't the same stones they started with...

    Around here you have two choices if you want a lawn ornament: if you're Hispanic, you get a virgin-mary-in-a-tub. Otherwise, you clutter the front lawn with a fake wishing well.

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  8. Holy crap! You are so right. I didn't notice the originals were different.

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  9. I don't have a whizzer but if you are ever in Chicago you can build a Gravitron at the Museum of Science and Industry http://www.msichicago.org/whats-here/exhibits/toymaker/

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  10. Wizzzer: http://cgi.ebay.com/Wizzzer-Mattel-1970-Sealed-Box-Red-Blue-Wizzer-Whizzer_W0QQitemZ380112567412QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item5880797c74

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  11. Eccentric and hilarious. Our Stepford Wives neighborhood could only be so lucky to have this kind of art show up one day. The HOA would GO NUTS.

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  12. Wow-- you could not make that stuff up.

    I like the bamboo fountain and all, Johnny, but I'm afraid it would really make me have to pee all the time.

    And the Whizzzer is awesome! I was just thinking about those the other day. But the only trick I remember them doing is getting lots of hair stuck in them when you held them up to your ear. Ouch.

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  13. LOVE that bamboo fountain!!

    And if you want a giant whizzer, just check out some of your spam Emails...

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  14. I had that stupid Whizzer toy and the only trick it ever did was skip down my driveway and into the grass along the side.

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  15. I don't know if you want a Whizzer in particular, or are just interested in playing with gyroscopes in general, but if the latter then the units you can get at gyroscope.com are probably about a jillion times better. There are a lot of videos on youtube showing the things you can do with them as well.

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  16. Steve - YES! My brother Snitch and I had quite a collection. One time Houdini pissed us off so much we put about 6 of them in his hair. He looked like a Rastufarian.

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  17. Lo W.6:50 AM

    The worst lawn ornament I've ever seen - in terms of taste - was when I lived in North Idaho as a kid (mid-late '70s) and there was this house on the next street that had a fountain that was a little boy standing in front of a pool of water and the fountain aspect was ... yup, the "water" was the kid peeing into the pool. I'd try to find a photo and link but googling "boy, peeing, fountain, lawn ornament" might bring up unfiltered thumbnail photos I'd rather not see, and don't have enough brain bleach to eradicate memories of.
    WV: prossequ, as in, If you had one of those fountains today, the authorities might prossequ.

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  18. Yeaaaaaaah I'm with Jodey on this one...a little channeling of Georgia O'Keefe on the flowers?!
    I have noticed a trend here in the East with people "planting" fake flowers in their window boxes and outdoor planters...wtf is up with that? A new height of lazy or some anti-green-green initiative??
    That bejewled mailbox is just...yeah.

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  19. holy crap- I forgot about whizzers! And man-oh-man did they wrap your hair up tight! I had waist length hair as a kid and I remember my mom once having to cut one out of my hair- it was lovely.
    I'm pretty excited about your neighbors lawn decorations- I mean, that takes some thought! and very little taste...

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  20. My Mother had a flower bed she made out of an old wrought iron bedframe. Even @ 7 years old I was mortified when the neighbors would comment on how creative she was.
    I soooo feel your pain and would cringe everytime I drove past that shit. LOVE the fountain!!!
    And LOVE your site!

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  21. Where does one even buy flowers like that is what I want to know.....

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  22. ok
    I have to tell you, it is my day off and am doing my spring cleaning today. Yeah right, I am sitting here laughing my ass off over your site!
    I have about six kleenex's wadded up from laughing myself into tears, and am getting shit accomplished! ....your HILARIOUS!

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  23. I do believe Yort can hook you up w/ a Wizzer...

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  24. Hey, your neighbors are cool, they're out there bucking convention and making life a bit interesting, and unknowingly providing you with blog fodder.

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  25. Ahahaha! They loved their first chunks O'mailbox so much, they made a second!! XD

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  26. I just really really want to know what the mail-man thinks of all this.

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  27. if that's how they are decorating the outside of their house, it makes me wonder how they are decorating the INSIDE! (of course, the term "decorating" is used loosely here.)

    maybe you can get yourself invited inside - you know, for the blog!! take one for the team!

    :)

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  28. any chance that they read your blog??

    :)

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  29. Dear god, I hope not.

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  30. hey maybe they do this shit on purpose.....just to see if you will write about it?
    hhhmmmmmmmm

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  31. Munkey3:13 PM

    Oh Dude!!!. I forgot all about Whizzers. I had a bunch of them when I was a kid. Played with those things for hours. Now I'm wanting one too.

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  32. Those aren't the same decorations and maybe not even the same mailbox. The flag is different. Perhaps there was an incident with a carful of boys and a baseball bat with the first one and they replaced it with this slightly less spectacular version?

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  33. Sandy, good eye! Theresa pointed out that the jewels were different -- and I didn't even notice that much. I think now that they have a whole shelf of these things in various states of repair and when one gets ratty they just swap it out with a repaired version.

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  34. i seem to remember there was a cabin down the road from ours that had a toilet seat nailed to a tree out front. never did figure out what it was for or how it got there... hey, at least these folks seem to have better taste than the squattersons.

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  35. I live in Los Angeles, so was totally taken by surprise to see a house "decorated" with two urinals (one on either side of the main window) used as flower pots. However, I wasn't surprised to see the flowers were dead...

    JV, please, please, please! rearrange your neighbors outdoor ornaments! (by dark of night, as GSC suggested) And maybe add a fairy or mermaid, oh, or a vampire! Please?! be sure to wear a bullet proof vest, 'cause of the shotgun and all... Plus, it has been suggested that you get into the house and I concur! Bring a spy cam!

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  36. Anonymous12:16 AM

    I can not beleive that mailbox has survived so long without the malevolent attention of a 16-year old with a baseball bat at one in the morning. If I did that to my mail box it would be flattened within 48 hours. Best to have a mailbox that looks like crap so kids leave it alone. Wait a minute: that one looks like crap. Life is just full of oxymorons.

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  37. actually kind of cool in a way,
    You always have great posts, you're a great blogger

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  38. I want the robot cat. Steal it, send it and I will photograph it in various "conspicuous" places in DC....

    And then I'll send it back. :)
    ~L.

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  39. What do you need the Whizzzers for? I'm ascared.

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  40. Oooh, Robot cat vacation pics. I like it. As for why I want a wizzer, well..it's all part of my evil plan.

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  41. Oh, man! I loved those things (the wizzzer). They were great. My brothers used to nag me to stop playing with their toys.

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  42. LoW: Statues of pissing boys are common in Belgium.

    Johnny: How can you photograph your neighbors' houses without them noticing? I think they would have me arrested.

    To all: you guys forgot about gazing balls, didn't you?

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  43. Do they sit in those wicker chairs in the middle of all that crap? Maybe you should contact their children. If my parents did stuff like that to their yard, I'd have them committed.

    But I kinda like the mailbox.

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