5/23/09

2 more things I will never need.

The other day I was surfing the web looking for new hiking boots that aren't made in China, and while I was at it, I figured I'd pick up a nice three-wolf moon t-shirt. As I was reading the reviews to make sure this was the three-wolf shirt for me, (you have to read the reviews) I stumbled on the answer to my prayers in an adjacent ad:

Well, maybe it would be more accurate to describe it as a book about the answer to my prayers.

Prayers that were, unfortunately, duly ignored.

So really, stumbling on this book is probably more of a cruel cosmic joke than anything else. I like to think of it as just another well-placed brick in the wall of my agnosticism.

On the other hand, if the person who wrote book this is actually making money on it, I salute him for his brilliant idea. Seriously, it could be blank inside and I'm sure he'd still sell quite a few of them as jokes.

The funniest part for me wasn't actually inside the book though. It was this:



This hurts my head. Who out there is thinking, "You know what would go perfect with this book about how to live with my giant crank? A terra cotta Obama with a green afro."

I would have guessed the answer would be "nobody," but I would have been wrong.

Apparently, there are enough people out there who want a Chia Obama that they sell them in two poses -- which are labeled "determined" and "happy."

When I look at them, I see something entirely different:



Happy Memorial Day Weekend, everyone. Please remember our fallen troops.

33 comments:

  1. Just the out loud laugh I needed today - thanks!

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  2. Anonymous8:49 PM

    you are the best.

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  3. Anonymous10:34 PM

    hilarious stuff! the best part about the shirt's page on amazon was the goofy user submitted pics. (coincidentally also featuring a clearly doctored obama photo and why they'd upload a weird shirtless dude to sell a shirt is beyond me. maybe it was suggesting, "don't be gross like this dude, buy a shirt, which we just happen to be selling")


    semper fi marines, and heartfelt thanks to all the rest of our armed forces as well.

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  4. That's awesome - I'm ordering a case of those Obama heads as Christmas presents. And maybe some of the books as stocking stuffers.

    Happy Hug-A-Soldier weekend!

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  5. BTW, why are people looking at that shirt also trying to buy a gallon of milk off Amazon?

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  6. It's not just ANY milk -- it's TUSCAN WHOLE MILK. It's magical.

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  7. JV, you KNEW we were all gonna run right to Amazon and look this book up, right? Being of the female persuasion, I felt I had license to check it out without fear of anyone questioning my motives. I really was curious to see if this was actual medical advice or a spoof.

    Guess it's the latter, judging from Reviews. Very entertaining! Especially Mr. 25 Inches... um, yeah, THAT's not the authors writing... 'course not. Ran across those size schlongs all the darn time in my single days.

    While I was there I looked at a few other books which appeared in the same category. The Tuscan Whole Milk appears again. Maybe there is a link between drinking milk and enlarging a certain male body part?

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  8. you may not need that book...but you have a gift JV...a true gift for sharing the things i need in my life to make me laugh!

    Remembering the men and women that have given all for our country.

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  9. Now I'm so distracted by the magical Tuscan Whole Milk, that i forgot what I was going to say...

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  10. " just another well-placed brick in the wall of my agnosticism"
    Thats golden.

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  11. My wife bought the same book. Oh wait - it was called How to Live With a Big Dick.

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  12. Hilarious as usual! I am totally buying the Chia Obamas!

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  13. I wonder what people purchasing those t-shirts, that book, the gallon of milk and the DenonDedicated Link Cable, are doing with all that (at the same time)

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  14. Anonymous1:15 PM

    Thanks a lot, my husband is now completely obsessed with that book. :o)
    Hilarious!

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  15. I needed this so bad today! Thank you, oh so much!

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  16. Tuscan Whole Milk, Does a body good

    got tuscan whole milk?

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  17. JV, I'm surprised you didn't mention the "JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank" by NAO Design Did you not see it? It's fantastic, just what you need for your drive to work. Please check it out.

    Reiv

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  18. The Obama Chia head is just effing ridiculous.

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  19. shoulda bought the zubaz to complete the ensemble, man.

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  20. I thought of you today when I discovered that someone found my blog because he or she googled "peeper cam peeps while peeing dude pees."

    This has nothing to do with your post. Which cracked me up. In the bar of the sushi restaurant where I'm waiting for a friend. Now everyone is looking at me.

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  21. Shine, I am pretty sure that's from "The Lost Verses of Dr. Suess."

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  22. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPB45AUmchM

    You're welcome. =)

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  23. I wold have called the "Determined" one "Richard Simmons", personally.

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  24. Very funny as always JV!

    It seems that the 3 wolf moon t-shirt has gone from selling hardly any at all, to ~100 a week... they did a story on it and the reviews on ABC Nightly News last night... Ah, the power of the Internet! :-)

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  25. Anonymous2:44 PM

    i don't really want to hurt anyone so i am happy with things as they are

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  26. some of the reviews on the shirts were hilarious!

    i couldn't resist - i clicked on the milk. they had 4 NEW from 69.99 - is there really used milk out there? who are these people buying milk online anyway?


    i am almost betting that one of those chia obama heads will be one of your prizes in the box-o-crap for your next contest! (who wouldn't want THAT?!)


    :)

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  27. I don't know how else to comment on this besides a good old... LMAO.

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  28. On my way to work today I saw a woman in a brand new 3 wolf moon tee shirt. Weird.

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  29. oh thank you thank you thank you for this precious gem...i will be sure to look closer at customer reviews from now on when shopping for my trailer-dwelling (very)distant relatives.

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  30. Anonymous3:23 PM

    Ha! I just went to the site, and what I loved was "people who viewed this also viewed these items" and it listed
    1)Tuscan Gallon of Milk and
    2) Zabaz pants.
    http://www.amazon.com/Zubaz-Pants/dp/B000WVXM0W/ref=pd_sbs_a_2
    Nothing would be more sweet than drinking a gallon of milk while wearing a three wolf moon t-shirt and Zabaz pants!

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  31. So, did you ever find the boots? I need some new hiking oots.

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  32. Dave in WA2:52 PM

    Isn't the "De Niro" model the sculpture the blind girl made at the end of that Lionel Ritchey video?

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