I've decided to quit blogging.
It's been a fun almost-two years but....No, I'm kidding. You aren't quite rid of me yet.
Unfortunately, the "good thing" ending is my current cube situation at work.
For quite a while now, I've been in a "stand-alone" cube, in a part of the floor that was inhabited by nobody. That meant the only annoying person around me was me, and that's the way I liked it. It was so quiet, I didn't actually need my iPod to stay sane and my ear canals had even started to go back to their normal, non-earbud-expanded shape.
But lately, there's been some jibber-jabber, to quote the big guy. About 2 weeks ago, a couple of loud talkers moved into adjacent cubes one row over. One of them has a laugh that sounds like the Joker has Janice from friends stuck in his throat. I almost wrote that in the reverse order, but the analogy lost something vital in conjunction with that unwanted and disturbing mental image.
Last week, one of the two loud people decided she wanted a bigger cube, so she moved all her shit to a nice double-wide over by the window, far away from her original neighbor. At first I thought that would be good, as it would cut down on the combination idle chit-chat/laugh-fest over the cube wall, but no. Now the idle chit-chat is actually yelled across the room, because for some reason I'm invisible and they think they are the only two here. They are also both signed into the Instant Messaging system, and I know this because I made it a point to find out their names and add them to my buddy list, which I expect to grow quickly over the next few weeks:
Apparently they lack the motor skills to master typing, because even when both of them are online and available, they yell across the frigging room. One of them usually stands up to do it. I am fairly certain they just use their buddy list status to know when it will be most effective to scream at each other.
It's not foolproof, however, since on at least a few occasions, I've heard "HEY _______! Are you over there?" when that person's icon clearly showed them in "Away" status. I can almost see this person at home at night, quickly opening and closing the refrigerator door trying to see if the light really does go off when the door closes.
The other day I got a third neighbor and this one is also pretty close to me.
She's a nice enough lady, and I liked working with her on the few projects we've had together, but sometimes she likes to have what I call "walking phone conversations." She talks. And paces. For some reason her pacing always brings her to the space between my cube and the window, a small area of about 3 square feet. She will stand right there and converse. It's awesome. I'm betting in another couple of weeks, I'll know all her kids' names.
She also has some sort of palm device that she incessantly "syncs-to-desktop." Every single time she does this, it makes a noise like "Bee Doooooooop!" which goes from high to low.....and then a few seconds later, another noise like "Dooo Beeeeeeeeep!" which goes from low to high -- which is about as pleasant to listen to every 60 seconds as it is to read. There's some weird acoustic thing happening as well, because I hear her phone voice bouncing off the plate glass window to the left of me even when she's sitting in her chair. It literally sounds like she's curled up under my desk. Oh, and the same thing happens with the "easy listening" muzak that she was playing from her clock radio the other day.
This new person, while quite adept at using IM, is apparently not adept at a little thing I like to call "hearing," because she has an extremely loud notification noise set to trigger on every single incoming IM. It sounds like PING! I was almost gonna go out to my truck and get my synthesizer to give you the full effect, but instead I will give you my day in visual format:
If one of them gets a cold and starts in with a phlegmy cough, I may have to quit.
This morning I saw a few post-it notes on 4 other empty cubes that said something to the effect of "reserved for other loud people" so I can't wait to see who moves in there.
The two cubes directly across from me are still unoccupied, at least for now. I really need to figure out a way to work from my house permanently before the "reserved" signs go up there.
God, I hate people.
On a completely different note, I am totally getting one of these for our long-ass weekly staff meetings because it never fails that my 32oz. coffee comes calling about 45 minutes into it. Besides, I can always use a little more comfort and confidence in my day.
I know it says one size fits all, but it looks like it might be a little big. Or maybe not. I'll let you know.