Now I know why Glen Campbell left this dust bowl.

I slept in the plane during the five and a half hour flight to Phoenix, and I woke up when the pilot came on the loudspeaker and said we were about 20 minutes out. I slid up my window cover and got my first look at the beautiful state of Arizona. My exact words were "Holy shit! It looks like a gigantic dirt pile."

So yeah, the entire state looks like Afghanistan only with more shopping and less small-arms fire and opium. It's seriously hot here, and frankly, I am not used to 112 degree days, and have no desire to become used to them.

And of course, the hotel is seriously cranking the air conditioning, so it's only about 65 degrees in all the conference rooms. Picture walking from hell on earth into a meat locker and back about ten times a day, and you'll have a good idea of what it's like here.

People always say it's a dry heat, and they're right. That makes no difference. My oven at home is a dry heat, too, but you don't see me living in there, for god's sake. These people are nuts. Seriously, if the electricity ever went off in this town for more than a week, this whole place would get swallowed by the desert.

The hotel itself is pretty nice. There's an insanely expensive spa where I am pretty sure you can go get your nuts packed in mashed cucumber and lemon for 200 bucks, if that's your thing. They play soft music and then rub your feet with oregano or something. I don't know. I took one look at the prices and ran scared.

I'll post more (with pics) soon. Special Dark is a trip to travel with. He's afraid to talk and scared to move because he thinks I'm going to blog about it. I am, of course, but that's besides the point.


  1. Hell yeah on the dry heat. Eff the dry heat effers. That doesn't make it less hot dammit.

    Please more SD stories. He may be trying to play it safe now, but just wait because eventually the poorly constructed filter will break down, and he'll say something about wanting to do your dead corpse and it will be awesome.

  2. By coming here in August, at least you don't have to deal with the old people.

  3. Jennifer2:14 PM

    Rough Beast is right. Try coming back in March when you get to drive behind an RV pulling a car going 45 in the fast lane.

  4. "I am pretty sure you can go get your nuts packed in mashed cucumber and lemon for 200 bucks" is why I adore you.