I'm all thumb.

So this weekend I managed to eff up my left hand by trying to take the thumb off it.

Here's what happened: I was walking down the back deck stairs (which are pretty steep and long because the deck comes off the second story of the house) and I tripped on some miscellaneous crap, lost my balance and almost took a header to the bottom. Luckily, I was able to grab the railing with my left hand. When I did that, however, my hand slid down the railing. It slid down the railing until my thumb bent backward, thereby spraining the living shit out of it.

Why did my thumb bend backward you ask? Well, because it stopped moving when the rest of me didn't. Why did it stop moving you ask? Well, it stopped moving because a one-inch-long sliver of wood jammed directly into it. As a result, one of these things doesn't go with the other:

Note that I am not intentionally bending it backward -- it just wants to go that way because the front is so swollen. I am pretty sure I could build a summer home from the wood still embedded in there. I went to the doctor and the thumb isn't broken, however they gave me a tetanus shot and put me on antibiotics. He told me that if the railroad tie doesn't work itself out in a week, he'll send me to a surgeon.

Good times.

There are some benefits, however. I drew up a list of things that I am currently awesome at:

1. Acting out the lyrics to old Rolling Stones songs
2. Hitchhiking
3. Giving hot babes the thumbs up
4. Hand modeling for R. Crumb
5. Doing a kick-ass Fonzie impersonation
6. Casting the final vote in a Roman execution
7. Pulling plums out of pies

I made a corresponding list of things I am currently not awesome at:

1. Thumbwresting (although I look formidable, it doesn't bend at all and it hurts like hell if you touch it.)

2. Anything that requires me to have a level of dexterity equal to or greater than that of a chimpanzee.

So you can see that the tradeoff is totally worth it.


  1. Anonymous6:11 PM

    OUCH! And tetanus shots hurt! How will this "work itself out?" Will it be like an alien type thing? Pics.

  2. That right there is EXACTLY why we don't have a deck. Or so my husband tells me.

  3. this looks mighty painful. tell us about the random crap and also the feat that is second story deck stairs. sounds like something one could potentially hurt oneself on...

  4. Anonymous7:02 PM

    I'm impressed... You injured your thumb and yet still managed to type this entry and humor the masses. Good job!

  5. Who types with their thumbs anyway?

    I hit the space bar with my tongue

  6. ag -- from the way the doc was talking, I fully expect it to leap out one night and go on a B&E spree.

    danielle -- I didn't think you loved me anymore! The misc crap was a square piece of foamcore that was supposed to keep the cats on the deck, but failed miserably. And the house has a walkout basement, so the sliding glass door in the kitchen is 8ft off the ground. Hence the deck/stairs.

    badge - your husband is wise.

    JB- while an interesting technique, I hope nobody else shares your computer.

  7. That looks bad, depressing...


  8. Dammit, JV, how many times do I have to tell you to keep your skateboard off the steps!? Seriously that is gross. Shouldn't you, like, wrap it or something? Gew.

  9. i'd kiss it to make the boo boo go away, but i'm sicker than a sick dog, so i better not. but then again you are on some mighty mo-fo antibiotics...

  10. " I tripped on some miscellaneous crap,"

    .... that you left laying around???

    PS. Chaptechie is an effing spammer.

  11. No, mom, I didn't leave it lying around. Or laying around. Whichever.

    And I knew he was a spammer, but he didn't pitch anything, so I figured I'd leave it there. He's a dumbass spammer, apparently.

  12. Thumbing through the blogs this morning I stumbled upon this gem.

    Hey, it really does look pretty aweful. My daughter had an embedded splinter in her knee once and surgery was required to remove it. Till then I had never heard of such a thing.

    There's a way to coax it out a bit though - back some mud onto the area of invasion and as it dries it'll help draw it out.

    ("invasion" ... now it really DOES sound like a little wooden alien!)

  13. Dude, how long have I been telling you to clear off that deck?

    Well, not me personally. I just like to "blame the victem".

  14. an irish blessing: As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.

  15. no drunken bannister sliding for me. Crazy irishmen.

  16. Anonymous5:21 PM

    "thumb model for Robert Crumb" bwahahaha!

  17. fifi - thank you for getting that.