I realize there's absolutely nothing funny about this, unless you count the fact that I have no idea at all how to play a guitar.
I did see something oddly humorous on the way home the other day. I was on a twisty back road that follows a creek and when I came around a corner, I saw the biggest stuffed animal I've ever seen in my life. It had to be almost 6 feet tall, and it was just sitting there in the woods.
It's hard to tell from the scale, but that's a pretty big tree he's leaning against. I am about 5'6 or so, and this thing was as tall as I was.
I can just picture the conversation that led to this unfortunate abandonment:
Dad: "Stacy! Daddy's home! And he brought you a birthday present."
Stacy: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GO WAY! GO WAY!"
Dad (to Mom): "You said she wanted a big stuffed dog, right?"
Mom: "Yes, I did say "big" -- but I didn't mean "bigger than me." If it fell on her, she would probably be crushed to death. She's only 3, Jim."
Dad: "Stacy, the big fido doggie likes you, see? [thrusting the giant dog's giant head at the little girl.]
Stacy: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhh......
GOWAYDOGGIEGOWAYGOWAYGOWAY!"
Mom: "Jesus Jim, get rid of it will you? She's going to shit herself."
Dad: "The store isn't going to take it back. They have a policy against that."
Mom: "I don't care if you bring it back or toss the frigging thing on the side of the road, just get it the hell out of here before she passes out."
Dad: "Fine. Fuck it. I'm going out for a beer."
I think there's a lesson here for giant stuffed animals and parents everywhere.
That is the scariest thing I have ever seen besides a clown
ReplyDeleteIn today's matinee production of Giant Stuffed Dog the part of Stacy will be played by Sarah. Ga-gew that is scary.
ReplyDeleteYa wanna know what's really scary?
ReplyDeleteSome people have sex with those big stuffed animals.
They call them Plushy, but I'd bet they get rather Stiffy after a while.
Actually, you should have gotten out of your vehicle and shook the thing. I'll bet there was a dead body inside there. No really - this was an episode of CSI actually. And Jadebunny is right, except they dress each OTHER in the big plushy costumes to have sex. It's a cult. You know, like blogging.
ReplyDeleteDammit. Three times now I've commented and three times I've meant to thank you for your good vibes and nice thoughts during my recent boob scare.
ReplyDelete(back when I was bartending I recall the fuzzy nipple and the slippery nipple, but never heard of the buttery nipple. must be a regional thing) :)